Long Distance Advice

[achilles9]

So my gf and I are about two hours apart for at least the next couple of years. We're trying to make a long distance thing work, but I'm not quite sure how well it can be done. I guess my biggest concern is that I want to see her as much as possible without completely interfering and taking over her life every weekend. I'm not the type of guy who needs to hear from her every night before she goes to bed or worries what she's doing, but I just want to be able to find a good balance where I can see her a couple of weekends a month and then just maintain things in between then. I guess this is just asking for really general advice, but I was just wondering if anyone had any tips for how to do this, just since I'm completely new to this kind of thing and feel like I have no idea if I'm doing too much/too little in order to stay with her. We talk in one way or another pretty much every day, probably calling each other 2-3 times a week for half an hour or so, but I'm just curious if anyone has any experiences that could be a bit useful for this. Huge thanks. And if you need more detail, let me know since I know this is kind of short.

[CocoChanel]

My goodness. Do you people really consider that long distance????
Anything that is over 5 hours by Plane is Long Distance to me. Better yet International.

[achilles9]

I think anything where there's some travel involved and you can't see each other as much as you want b/c of the distance qualifies as "long distance".

[Junket]

Anytime where it's impractical to stop by after work or school on your way home constitutes long distance in my book.

I'm assuming you're both in college now?

[achilles9]

She has 2 years left, I'm out.

[Junket]

How long have you been dating, and is the relationship mutually committed?

[achilles9]

Been going out for about a year now, I'm not 100% sure of her commitment level to it, but I think that has a lot to do with me just doubting the whole concept a bit, just because part of me thinks that she won't really want to keep up only seeing each other a couple weekends a month. So I kind of just need to give that some time to sort itself out because the only thing that's really going to reassure me with it is giving it some time and seeing how she responds.

[Junket]

Honestly?

2 hours is a strain because you'll mostly likely only be able to see each other on the weekends, so if you skip 1 weekend, you haven't seen each other for 2 weeks.

The other problem with weekend visits is that it's annoying to drive 2 hours, visit, then either leave the same day for another 2 hour drive, if not the next morning. You'll probably want to stay most of the weekend which does exactly what you don't want to do, take up hers, and your whole weekend.

A few months of this and you'll see how things play out, but I can most likely guarantee you'll both burn out, especially with such a budding relationship and a long road of hardship ahead.

I spent an entire year being a 3 hour plane ride from my girlfriend, visited her every other month, but there were a lot of times when on-line and phone conversations got boring, and the longing turned to frustration.

We both moved and we were still a 3 hour drive from each other, and that quickly went sour.

The only reason why we lasted as long as we did is because we made sure there was an end to the long distance aspect of the relationship.

I just feel like 2 years is too long to always be 2 hours apart.

If you're both feeling good about things, you might want to discuss moving closer to her.

[achilles9]

Yeah, I definitely appreciate the advice man. I'm hopeful but realistic about it. I would honestly be perfectly content to see her every 2-3 weeks or so. I don't need to see her every week, but a couple of times a month would be nice. At this point I'm not sure if she's 100% comfortable with that, so that could be something I bring up next time I talk to her. If we were further away and only saw each other once every 8 weeks or so, I would end it, just because that's not something that works with me. But I'm hoping that this can work out and be manageable. I think the big thing is that we're both pretty flexible about things, so I'm hoping that works in our favor and we'll be alright. If not, definitely not the end of the world, but she's pretty cool so we'll see what happens.

[Junket]

Cool, keep us updated.

[SS Gal]

Having just wrapped up a long distance relationship that went on for a year, only seeing each other every 2 weeks, I'd like to add my 2 cents. First, let me say this...long distance relationships take work. Both parties have to be committed to them and it has to be a good relationship to begin with before adding the extra strain of distance. Being on the same page about how often you will see each other and talk on the phone also helps with any feelings of abandonment on either side. My bf and I spent a lot of time on the phone talking or texting, Instant Messaging, e-mailing and writing each other letters or sending cards in between visits to keep us going. He recently moved closer to me and having gone through the distance thing, I'd say we are a stronger couple than if we'd done the traditional dating so there's an upside to the long distance thing if you are willing to do it. Sorry this is so long, but I just wanted to share my thoughts and experience. Good luck to you and all the others out there in long distance relationships.

[loudrims_inc]

You want to hear something weird...well here it goes...i broke up wit my ex about 2 years ago because it wasnt working out, and we only lived about 90 mins away...NOW, me and my current gf are about 800miles or 12 hours away and we are sooooooo tight!! We love each other more and more each day, i dont know how to explain it tho!!

[jayne]

Perhaps you could learn to drive????

[loudrims_inc]

2 hours away isnt long distance at all! i wish i was 2 hrs away from my girl lol

[achilles9]

Umm, driving is the reason why we're two hours apart since it's about 140 miles between us. That's how we get to see each other. Did you really think I was walking 10 miles across town to see her and was complaining about that?