ex girlfriend broke up? any chance ever? its a weird situation

[KyleC767]

I'm kind of in an interesting situation. My ex-girlfriend broke up with me about a week ago and of course I was shocked beyond all measures, my inability to realize what was truly wrong in the relationship came out and that was it. That was the end. I'm turning 21 years old in a month and that had been my first major relationship, so I really didn't know how to treat it. You can't expect to jump on a bike and know how to ride the first time. I truly miss her and truly love her, but I also am passed the stage where i'm going to cry and beg for her forgiveness because I know that reconciliation doesn't work like that. In my mind fighting through all my emmotions, im glad she did it. I'm 100% glad she did it, before you can fix a relationship you need to fix yourself and i feel like i'm trying to do that right now. I would never want to be what I was in the relationship. It started off great then I went into this comfort zone where I thought we were going to be together forever without really making any effort, boy was i wrong, but i'm glad i was wrong. I started not taking care of myself like I used to -- i was just in a comfort zone but it wasn't healthy for either of us and it was inevitable that this was going to happen. Although without knowing it I wasn't as happy as I had been in the beginning of the relationship it wasn't because of her (i love her a ridiculous amount) it was because I stopped doing everything and just focused on nothing but the future. She used to say all the time we wont get to the future if we dont fix the present. She also said she feels like we could've worked in the future, but not right now, i think we'd be better friends.

This is where it gets interesting, she broke up with me but we were best friends for 3 years before our relationship started so it makes it twice as hard, and we also work with eachother. I haven't been opening up any communication for the last 4 days (after i confessed my love for her through 2 letters lol - the usual desperation plee) But again I did stop and decided that I need to fix myself before anything so i stopped contact, no eye contact at work, no nothing. Yesterday we worked 9-6 on opposite places in the building and she emailed me saying... "susie has some cinnoman rolls if your hungry" and I responded - "alright, thanks for letting me know" - she continued to email me and then she wrote the longest paragraph ever about how she had been depressed the last few days knowing how she made me feel and hopes we can still be friends. She also felt the need to tell me exactly what happened in those days that she wans't talking to me, about school, ect. To be nice, but still strong, I went to talk to her for a bit but then soon after back to my desk after break. She came after her break to come talk to me and stood there for a while after her break to talk to me and laugh just to talk about some funny phone calls we experienced at work. I left as soon as 6:00 hit and she texted me while i was driving "wow you were outta here fast" -

We had a strong relationship when it came to thinking about the future and our life together, it just wasn't working in the present, largely because of the way I treated her... it wasn't because I was abusive or any huge things, but i didn't cator to what she needed at all, i didn't fufill what all girls need, but looking back into life these last few days, and continuing to do so in the next month or so.... i'd never want her to feel like she felt before and its not me saying "oh im going to change" i literally could never do that ever again but i'm also not going to tell her that straight out because she will think its all talk... if nothing does come about it then so be it i'll live and i know that, but it saddens me sometimes because i know it can be a strong, healthy, loving relationship. Am i wrong to think this? And what do you guys feel about the situation? I'd like some solid input,


Also I told her yesterday in complete emmotional control, not crazy, having just a 1 on 1 conversation at work without begging. If our lives are meant to be together we will be together if not then i'm not going to cry and be miserable like I have been the last few days, i'm passed that stage. Everything happens for a reason, and im glad this has happened because i'd never want to do what I did in this relationship. And she agreed that she had no idea what was going to happen but never once has she said that it "definetly would never work" - she was hesitant to break up and clearly hesitant to stop contact because she felt like she needed to all day at work yesterday.

My 21st birthday again is on June 3rd and we had planneda cruise not even a month ago where she was excited to go, I told her that i'd still like her to go because I enjoy her company, my sister will be the only girl and she'd feel akward, (its me, melissa(my ex), my sisters fiance, and a friend named Mike.) I also told her that its her decision and i'd understand if she didn't. Again all of this completely being said without any sadness -

What do i make of this situation,

Is there hope? If you were me what would be going through your mind?

I really appreciate all the help.

thanks alot everyone,

Kyle -

[born2bgreat]

well i think there is hope with you guys..but like you said if you are meant to be together then it will happen ya kno..your situation sounds somewhat like mine..My ex doesnt seem to want to change at least not right now yet she says im everything she ever wanted. I dotn think you are too nonchalant about it you are owning up to what you did and you know what you need to do for yourself. Thats a big step to admit what you did wrong and knowing. IF you guys continue to be friends maybe one day it will work out if you both still have the same feelings down the line. Hope that helped...check out my thread in this forum it says i need to vent by born 2 b great. thanks for nay advice you mite have.

[Cbrider]

No one can tell you whether there is hope for a future or not, your meddling in forces no one can explain or really rationalize. You went through your up and down phase pretty fast, you will probably hit weak days now and then, but you handled yourself well, she's missing you - its evident from her attempts to talk with you.

You don't need to tell her anything, if you want to improve you will and people will notice which has a much more powerful effect. I dug myself a nice hole with my ex and made myself miserable through things I did. As soon as I picked my sorry ass up off the floor and vowed to never let myself slide like that again, I had all eyes on me. People were calling me up and inviting me to do things, numerous girls were approaching me and it was all because of what I radiated by being upbeat and happy.

Now all I have to do is get a motorcycle again ~_~

[Lite]

Can it work in the future? Maybe, but it is unlikely.

Move on with your life, and if things work, they work. If they don't, they don't. This is coming from someone who married a woman who utterly ****ed him over previously.

You can only work on you, your personality issues, your life. She's responsible for her crap, and you cannot make her heal or change.