Not sexually attracted to my fiancé anymore

[jhobrath]

My fiancé and I moved in with eachother about 2 months ago. We've been dating for nearly 7 years and we've shared quite a few experiences together, some wonderful, some absolutely horrible. Anyways, she is definately the girl for me. Every time i see her she gives me another refill, and it never ends; like a renewable resource of happiness. I've spent about a half hour each night since we've moved in just staring at her face so I could remember it better when I wasn't with her. Ok, that was a bit much.

Well, the problem is that I can't get sexually attracted to her at all. I'm attracted to other women with similar physical appearance. My libido seems to be at its usual mid-20s male level. When we first moved in we had sex a few times the first week, and its slowly dropped off and its now at about 1 time every two weeks. I get turned on easily by looking at a porn magazine, so I don't know what's going on. The only thing I can think of is her lack of energy, (i.e. waiting for me to direct the action) but I think its only because I'm not attracted to her and I can't "direct" something I'm not passionate about.

She's been complaining about it that last few weeks and I really want to make her happy. I really don't want it to be ingenuine, its very difficult. Any ideas?

[carl1222]

How was your sex life just before you moved in together?

[Indignant]

i think you are not ready to be engaged yet.

[doppelgaenger]

Maybe it's the porn, or pressure from the engagement/living together.

Examine the beauty of your girlfriend and remind yourself why you're attracted to her.

[Indignant]

Maybe it's the porn, or pressure from the engagement/living together.

Examine the beauty of your girlfriend and remind yourself why you're attracted to her.

routine kills it for many of us.

[jhobrath]

we were in a long distance relationship for about 2 years while she went to graduate school. She was always very satisfying during the time she was in graduate school, I would usually beg her for it when I would see her. The period after graduate school and moving in together (about 5 months) things started to slow down. The first time i ever noticed something was when i saw she started getting a fuzzy lip and i wasn't able to get turned on after it that night. She fixed it, but it was the first time our sex life wasn't what it used to be.

we've dated 7 years and I've never stopped being crazy about her, we definately should be engaged. we even forced ourselves apart for a period during certain circumstances thinking it would be best and we couldn't do it. Breaking up isn't an option, its scary going into a marriage knowing i can't get excited by her though

[Gigabitch]

Maybe you're disinterested in being with someone real and flawed.

[Aeradalia]

Perhaps you are simply under too much stress, and you subconsciously view her as the cause... and thus cannot be aroused around her. Getting married can be quite a feat in itself and will wear down anyone.

I would suggest you and her go somewhere that is fun, with no talks of marriage... away from anyone that may ask about such things. Just for a little while, be a regular couple again... when it was simply you and her and no real worries.

Marriage has too many negative connotations and stereotypes, and even if you don't really see the idea as being bad, this can still gnaw at you from time to time. It helps to know that the person you want to share your life with is still the same person you've always known. Having this reassurance before you marry can help tremendously.

[Male Man]

Something has obviously changed....Maybe you two can explore what that is. After all..marriage is supposed to be (among other things) a partnership where both parties (ideally) give to the other. If you guys can mount this hurdle, you'll be on the road to a better marriage.

[jhobrath]

Wow, i'm very surprised. The relationship is definately so much more fulfilling lately than its ever been before this last year. I'm definately interested in her and even physically, just not sexually. I love making out with her, I even love rubbing her body, when I realize I'm about to pass the point of no return that its a turn off.

I thought of something yesterday, my parents were divorced a few years ago and I was sick during this time; to the point where my mother had to take care of me at the age of 21. This lasted 2 years, after I got better I was very close to my mother because what she had done for me and I felt I needed to stay with her for a while because she was alone (w/out my father or siblings). I stayed about a year and a half after I got better and then moved out. I was never was really on my own. I went from my mother being the person I was with every day to my fiance. Now in many ways my relationship with my fiance is very similar to my relationship with my mother. Just the way that I'm the most important man in both of their lives, and little things like the way my fiance forces me to shower every day like when I was a kid (which is quite a bitch, i mean c'mon, every day!)

[CompletePimp]

gay? lawlz

[CompletePimp]

And I shower everyday dude. wtf?! Keep your nuts clean!

[Aeradalia]

Wow, i'm very surprised. The relationship is definately so much more fulfilling lately than its ever been before this last year. I'm definately interested in her and even physically, just not sexually. I love making out with her, I even love rubbing her body, when I realize I'm about to pass the point of no return that its a turn off.

I thought of something yesterday, my parents were divorced a few years ago and I was sick during this time; to the point where my mother had to take care of me at the age of 21. This lasted 2 years, after I got better I was very close to my mother because what she had done for me and I felt I needed to stay with her for a while because she was alone (w/out my father or siblings). I stayed about a year and a half after I got better and then moved out. I was never was really on my own. I went from my mother being the person I was with every day to my fiance. Now in many ways my relationship with my fiance is very similar to my relationship with my mother. Just the way that I'm the most important man in both of their lives, and little things like the way my fiance forces me to shower every day like when I was a kid (which is quite a bitch, i mean c'mon, every day!)

Hmm... I think your mind might be subconsciously comparing your mom with your current girlfriend. If this is the case, then you would feel affectionate towards your girlfriend but not sexual.

Women can have very strong caring instincts, but you have to realize what we (women) can be very sexual as well. This caring and tenderness may be found during sex... as well as near-reckless abandon to desire (if that's what you want). Though there may be much talk about not viewing women as 'sex objects,' it still has to be understood that women can be sexual, fun, and at times... wild and/or intriguing.

Try to focus on what it is about your girlfriend you find sexy. Perhaps imagine some new things you and her could do sexually... maybe a little exploration of each others sexuality is in order...

[WhatsLove]

The problem is now you see the realities of your partner, not just the prepared version of her. She probably just feels too comfortable now. Switch things up and spend some time out with your own friends.