In Love and in doubt

[chchbased]

Hello everyone,

I have just joined this forum looking for guidance and help with my relationship, I wasnt really sure where to start but searching brought me here. Its going to be a long one so brace yourselves I really hope you can help and guide me and I can in turn give help and advice to others.

I'll wind back the clock 2 years to where it all started. I was single and just got a job working overseas in a new country but a month leading up to leaving I met a girl and we clicked. I told myself I wouldnt meet anyone as I was moving overseas but it just happened, we got on so well and there was so much attraction, it was like love at first sight, nothing I had felt with other relationships. During this month before leaving my Dad got especially annoyed questioning why I was spending time with someone I would leave to go overseas, I even considered staying but knew I would regret it. So I left and we stayed in contact as my contract was for a 3month trial initially so who knows what would happen, days turned to weeks and we spoke every day for hours and missed each other dearly. We spoke about the future and what would happen, perhaps she would move overseas with me or perhaps I would return home then eventually the decision was made and she came to be with me overseas, we really wanted to give it a go and see what happened, worse scanario, things went back to normal, however one of the issues being she gave up college to join me and still holds it against me.

So everything in NZ is great, we get on so well and every day we both laugh and smile, we know how to cheer each other up, we love the same TV shows and play video games together, tis great. But the issue is I dont get any time on my own, sometimes I just want to read a book, or play a video game or even go for a drink but I'm made to feel guilty for it, she tells me how shes given up everything, her family, her friends and her career to be with me and I should make her feel better and look after her. She says she has no hobbies or interests here and I am the only thing she has. I dont have any friends either as I feel she would hate me for going out or would make me feel guilty. I dont mind spending time with her but sometimes it gets too much, I just want to have some time on my own especially since my life consists of work, looking after the pets and spending time with her.

The other issue is shes very insecure and believes men only want 1 thing / think of one thing, she says she knows I will never cheat but I'm not allowed to see women in anything, so for example tv shows with women wearing bikinis is a no, Game of Thrones is a big no, every film we watch she checks parental guideance for sex and nudity, she wont let me have girl mates as she believes theres always something more in it, once I donwloaded a social app for the mobile and browsed around and she went on the history asking who the people were, I had no idea I was browsing, nothing dodgey and she has access to my phone anyway, I have ended up setting up another email so I can talk to my girl mates in my home town, I feel guilty but why should I, they are my friends.

The hardest part is this is a girl I could happily grow old with, shes sweet, she makes me laugh and we click so well, we think of the same things and are so a like but theres problems, shes clinqy and she wont let me see anything remotely with women in it. The other is she never wants children, says it ruins her body and they cost too much and cause problems but people say its an age thing and she may grow out of it but I would like children one day. So I'm torn, I love her and shes great but sometimes I'd love to sit down with a beer, play a video game on pc and watch game of thrones or go out and make some friends and find I cant. She says it part of accepting each other and living together so I agree a little but its hard for me.

Finally if your wondering I'm 24 and she is 20, both work full time and live together. I really hope you can give some good advice and help me to sort things out.

Thank you.

[pisces25]

Wow I feel for ya dude. You're 24 and living the life of an old married couple. Things aren't going to get better unless you communicate exactly how you feel (perhaps show her what you have written) and tell her that things need to change. You sound way too suffocated, and not even being able to watch a movie with nudity or sex in it?? That is pretty hardcore. She is young and insecure. And she probably will time and time again use the 'I gave up everything line' with you and whilst she may have it doesn't give her licence to control you or who you can and can't talk to. Regardless of the circumstances of how people came together that is not normal, respectful relationship behaviour. Grow some balls dude. She is walking all over you.

[Boisdevie]

I agree with Pisces. Isn't this what our American friends refer to as 'pussy whipped'?

[chchbased]

I agree, sounds about right but when I bring it up it always turns into an argument about how shes loves me and I dont love her or I dont give her what she wants. She says I'm not loving enough when we are together and I don't do enough for her so she wants to spend more time with me and it would be less if I put in more effort..........