the itching doubt....should I be worrying?

[Dunnigan]

Uncertainty of the Night

Hi. I am going to jump right into the story. My girlfriend of 1 year has to go pick up a prescription. She also might have told her mom earlier in the day that she would stop home and say hi. Im not exactly sure if that is the truth, but I gotta give her the benefit of the doubt. So her plan is to leave my house and run one or two errands.

So after we finish watching a movie, she gets her stuff ready to go. I had an amazing day with her today, and I just want to continue to spend time with her. THat said, I wanted her to quickly run this errand at the Walgreens and come back. I told her she can go home and see her family tomorrow, but its already late (9:15 PM) and I don't wanna stay up all night waiting for her.

Background INFO: She has a CRAZY tendency to say she will be here at a certain time, and actually have no concern for her word, and proceed to be hours late. I get frustrated, she gets defensive, and we fight. But seriously, her "word" to be home at a certain time has rendered itself meaningless. You have to assume that she will be late. very late......but thats a whole notha story. So you can probably understand why I don't want her to go home....because I could be up until 12...

Anyways, after a few pretty sad attempts to convince her to skip going home, she finally said, "ughh fine, theres a 90% chance Ill skip going home".....giving me hope...and excitement!

But then again.....a 90% chance? What is this BS? Why cant you just be straight up front with me and tell me if you are going to go home or not!? If you 100% have to go home, tell me why and go through with it. But if you OK with the idea of going quickly to Walgreens and coming back here, why cant you just say it? I ask her, "do you need to have this uncertainty about your night? not knowing exactly where the night will bring you?" Or something of that nature. She said, "Yes. She needs to have that feeling," or something like that. Now lets stop here for a second. She seriously admitted to needing this so called "uncertainty." And it makes sense, given her past. She doesnt like to make firm commitments at night because she has no idea what she will be doing or where she will be. She prefers it that way. She doesnt like making commitments, and that alone has been the cause of countless fights. I am baffle by this consistent and preferred "uncertainty."

So after not being clear at all about what she wants to do, I start prying, being the analytical, skeptical bugger that I am. I say, "Baby, I am gonna come with you. It will be fun. We had a great day together, lets just go together and Ill help you get the prescription."

She immediately picks up her guard and says "no, because Im pretty sure that I am going to go home, so stay here".....WHAT? You just said there was a 90% chance of you not going home? Now you are probably going home? Somethings fishy..... She doesnt know if she is going to go home or not, and she cant seem to come to a decision...So I tell her that I am going to come with her, and we will figure it out...no biggy, no pressure...She starts acting very strange, and this is what I envisioned was going on in her mind: "shit, I cant play it off like it's no big deal anymore....he is on to me, and he wants to come with me, but that cannot happen...he will find out.."

"Find out what?", I think to myself..She is refusing to let me come with her, so I pry a bit further. I ask "why?" She says, and I quote, "I just want to have some alone time and listen to some music and smoke cigarettes".

What?! You need alone time after our amazing day where you couldn't stop telling me you loved me? You want to listen to music and smoke ciggs, and I presume do some 'thinkin?' I DONT BUY IT. The story continues to change, it all sounds fishy, and your body language reeks of deceit.

Is it the uncertainty of the night is what she thrives off of? Or does she need some alone time to think and listen to music and smoke? OR does she really want family time, but for some reason wont tell that to me? Or is this BS just a huge ****ing coverup for something she doesnt want me to know....

DO I think shes cheating? Nope. Doing drugs? Nope, I dont think....So what the hell could it be? I have no idea. Perhaps Im being the psycho one...but thats not my style. I am sitting here in passive mode, taking in the facts, reading body language, and being skeptical...When I draw conclusions, usually I am right, which is why this confuses the shit out of me. Something tells me that if I drove to her house right now to see if her car was there, it wouldn't be....And it would also be missing from the Walgreens parking lot...And when I asked her where she was, she will say, "worst night ever...so many bad drivers, I almost got in an accident, I got stuck at 4 red lights, and it took forever"..........like that bullshi*t drama is going to cover up my itching doubt...

I suppose the only thing a man can do in my position is toss the skepticism right out the door and give her the benefit of the doubt...because if I don't, I will be crowned with a title I am not so fond of: the stalker pshyco not-trusting dude....That aint me.

goddamn this is annoying.

[Elan]

ok,it's really confusing.it depend on your own meaning.if you love her still,you can try to forgive all of the that.if you can't tolerate that^^^

[Paperclip]

Okay, so she was saying she wanted to go home but YOU kept pushing and pressuring her not to so she said she probably wouldn't in all likelihood to just shut you up and get you off her case. Honestly, from the sound of this post I can understand completely why she would need space after a day with you.

[Dunnigan]

wow Paperclip, you have absolutely no idea. yes, I wrote that when I was heated....but the amount of space that I give is MORE than enough. I come on here to hopefully get some sound advice to make me feel better. Instead, you make me feel even worse. IS that your goal? After reading my post, I suppose I can understand what you mean, afterall- it is all over the place....but saying your words? Real nice

[Bella82]

Dunnigan, if you only wanted to come on here to vent and get some words of reassurance, why wouldn't you say that at the beginning? But your post doesn't ask for that, it asks ..."should I be worrying?" You asked, so peop;le are gonna give you their opinion.

I can understand that all you want is a straight answer from her. Of course we don't know her, and we don't know you. The only thing we know is this story. Based on this, I wonder whether or not you were beong completely honest and open with her in the conversation you had. When you said you wanted to come with her, you said "Oh it will be fun", as if that's all you were coming for, which wasn't true. You said it yourself that you only wanted to figure out what she was hiding, if anything, and were skeptical in general. She most likely senses this, and no one like to feel as if their being analyzed and untrusted.

To me, this whole "uncertainty" thing, seems like one big vicious cycle. She seems to be naturally not a planner, she doesn't like to be committed and so prefers to decide on things as they come. Whereas you, like to plan, you like order, and you want someone who will be upfront and tell you straight. She may feel like your constraining her, always pushing to commit to one thing or another - a specific time, a schedule etc. She may be rebelling and NOT telling you what you want to hear because she is a little sick of the questions and can see through your false "let's go to the store, it will be 'fun' " (Yah, Walgreens! I LOVE itttttt) - I don't know.

As an experiment, why don't you try acting in a different way than you normally would. The next time she says she's going somewhere and isn't sure how long it will take, just say, "Great, however long you need. See you when you're back." See how she reacts, see if she comes back later, before or takes as long as she normally would.

Good luck-

[Charisma]

Some girls are organised. A lot are not. Some are precise and exact. Then again, a lot are not. I fall into the non organised, non precise and non exact- tho I always like to tidy and be neat, but that's another story. My point is, that some people won't make promises that they don't know they will keep. Some people just know they will get a job done with no distractions, no forgetfulness, and no detours or possible disasters. Maybe cos they plan it, or maybe it's magic. I wish I knew how they always do it.

I kind of agree with paperclip that you seem so intent on pinning her down on what she means. Sometimes you just have to blindly trust someone and leave some things up to the other person to bring up. But on the other hand you really wanted to know if she'd go home or not. Maybe you could explain to her that you like to know roughly how long you can stay up for waiting on her, and that even if she doesn't intend to do it, it makes you unhappy when you wait up for a lot longer than she made you believe she'd be. Maybe even suggest to her that if she does go home, that she can give you a call to let you know. I know I'd do that if I turned out to be longer than I said I would- even though I'm a ditzy person.

So I think you should have a think if it's gonna make a big deal if she ends up late for things, and lets you down all the time. Ok, so you're suspicious about it. Maybe watching some movies or having a special dinner with yourself or something like that would make it feel less stressful. Think of what you could do while she's away. Like maybe plan a little surprise for her when she gets back. I dunno! I just hope it's not all the crazy stuff you think it *could* be.