I'm falling for a friend who has a boyfriend she lives with ACROSS the country!

[Toaster]

Hey everyone!

Okay so here goes, I'll try not to be too long winded about this. Basically, a friend I've had for a few years now visited my friends and I for the week recently and since then I've come to admit to myself I'm falling for her. I've known her for a few years, we talk on the phone every so often and know each other quite well. Thing is, she always lived far enough away in the country that regular get togethers were just not possible. We'd see each other among other friends a few times a year, and maintain communication via phone, text, Facebook, Twitter, etc. I always kind of liked her, but never bothered thinking it over too much since I had a girlfriend when we met, and when I was single later on, she had a boyfriend she was happy with. So being a good friend, I did just that... remained a good friend.

Lately her relationship with boyfriend is really rocky. She's come to me with a lot of personal stuff between the two of them, and I know he's really not treating her well at all (even just paying her the proper attention you naturally do when in love). I don't have anything against him, he's a good guy in my eyes. But maybe they're just growing apart after a few years of being together.

To be sure, I'm not an opportunist who sees a dying relationship and starts jumping in for himself! But after she visited recently, I felt a strong connection between the 2 of us and I just can't deny it anymore. I've had a hunch that she always had a thing for me, but the timing was never right and living far away, we never had the proper stage to build something more naturally.

I have a hunch she STILL has a thing for me, and now that I'm falling for her more than ever, I'm having trouble deciding what the best course of action should be here.

On the one hand, she's still in a committed relationship and they live together. I definitely respect her far too much to put her in any position that would have her be ashamed of herself or her motives. I'm definitely not looking to for a hookup or to take advantage of the situation at all. But I can't deny that I see my window of opportunity beginning to open again. When they were happy together, I let them be happy and remained a good friend. But they're not so happy now at all anymore. I'm feeling a pull to start showing her that I like her more than as just a friend, but I also don't want to LOSE her as a friend by doing/saying something that she's not ready for along the way.

Basically.. I want to show her my intentions, but I don't know when that chance will ever come that doesn't in some way look selfish on my end. Living with this guy, they could so easily just continue to maintain a less than stellar life together because it's convenient (and HE'D have to move out since it's her house). So in some way, yes, maybe I DO want to sort of wedge myself in there a bit and see if she realizes she CAN have someone better than her current boyfriend! But I certainly don't want to wedge myself in there in the wrong way that I jeopardize what we actually do have together.

I know my feelings on this are legit because they're stacked against impossible odds She's not local at all (so I'm not just looking for a hookup), she currently has a boyfriend she lives with (so I'm not just seeing an easy single girl to take out for a little while for fun). But we get along so well, the way that so rarely happens even though I have a lot of female friends. I cannot sit silently by much longer, to be honest. For my own sake, at some point in the not so distant future, I'll have to make a legit move and either it works or it doesn't. I'll need to know for sure to move on properly.

So far, as a small gesture really, I sent her a care package with a few fun items that related to things we joke about together and something I know she really wanted. I'm not normally the type to BUY the hearts of girls I like, but with her so far away, my options are pretty limited until I can craft a better situation between the two of us.

Any thoughts? Thanks in advance!

[VincenzoG91]

This is a really bad idea. That package might as well be a bomb for how much trouble it might cause her. Long distance relationships are fragile under the best of circumstances, but you don't even have that much, because she is already in a relationship with somebody else. She might not be happy in it, but the odds that she will leave him and move to be with you are slim to non-existent. Aren't there any single women in your town? Don't waste your time on this lost cause.