I guess I will start out with some background info on myself. I was married for 7 years and that was an emotionally, mentally and physhically abusive relationship, the only good thing from that is my son. After that I was in a 3 year relationship with a guy that promised me the world and I was head over heels in love but then he turned out to be liar and cheater. After those two relationships I swore I’d be single forever.
Just over a year ago me and my most recent ex started dating and I thought for sure this time I had found the man of my dreams. You could tell by how he looked at me that he truly loved me. He would do anything for me cook, clean, fixed stuff around the house and put in time and effort with my son. Everything was absolutely perfect and I was sure I had found the man I’d spend the rest of my life with.
I was working at a car lot when we met and first started dating. After about a month of dating he asked that I quit my job and come and work for him (he owns his own business) because he needed help. I thought sure, why not, he needs me I’m there. About a week or so later when I got out of the shower one evening he was standing at the foot of my bed looking pissed. He asked “who is James” I told him that “he was friend from school that I knew for 10+ years, why?” Because I went through your phone and was wondering why you were texting another man Happy Birthday. WHAT?!?! He was extremely upset that I sent a text saying Happy Birthday and received a response of a mere thank you. He went on to tell me that I didn’t need to be talking to any guys no matter how long I’ve known them because there is nothing any of those men can give me that he can’t. I also found out during that argument that the reason he asked me to quit my job wasn’t because he needed my but because I worked with all guys. At least every other I was being questioned or criticized because I didn’t think the way he did or react to things the way he would have. I kept telling myself to stand strong and eventually he will see that I’m not the kind of girl to go out and cheat, hell I worked and lived with him how could I have cheated if I wanted to.
My family and friends started to tell me that I wasn’t the same anymore and I didn’t feel the same. It was like I had no life anymore, I couldn’t do anything right it felt like and I think I started to become depressed. About 2 weeks ago I told him that I was signing back up for school and I did not get the reaction I was expecting! I wanted to hear a congrats, that’s great, glad to hear you want to better yourself BUT instead I got a 45 minute rant on how everybody he knows that has gone back to school whether it be a guy or girl has cheated on the person they were with. That was it for me! I told him I was done, that I couldn’t take the comments and arguing any longer.
Today I was at a gas station and I ran into my ex (only broke up 2 weeks ago) and we talked and caught up and as soon as I got back into my car I started crying like a baby. I missed him…. I missed us….. I miss waking up and hearing good morning beautiful and getting a kiss on the forehead. I do NOT however miss the arguments and possessiveness. I left that gas station so confused and not knowing what to do or feel at this point. Did I make the right choice by walking away? Should I give up all my male friends to make the relationship work? Am I picking other guys over the guy that loves me? I’ve felt a sense of relief since we broke up knowing that everything I do won’t be criticized but I noticed today after seeing him that I really miss him. Am I just scared of being alone? He says he can try to change but to me it seems like a state of mind that he has and I just don’t see him being able to get over his insecurities. Any kind of help or direction would be great. I feel like I should just let it go but at the same time I feel like I will never find love as real and pure as his.
Thank you in advance to all that decide to share their words of wisdom or encouragement with me. It is greatly appreciated!