Hi. Recently my husband and I have been a having a rough time communicating. He accuses me of having some kind of "wrong"
tone/intonation when we talk - that is when I say something, he immediately thinks that I'm putting him down, that I want to make him look like an idiot, that the way I say things is mean. The problem is that I have no idea what he's talking about - I have absolutely no intention (consciously or unconsciously) of being mean to him, or making him look like an idiot. The thought never entered my mind. I keep telling him that he's got it all wrong, that I don't have such intentions and that what I said, I said without any specific meaning with but one intention - to communicate (btw, the conversations I'm referring to are basic everyday topics, like shopping, the upcoming xmas holiday, blah blah - nothing life altering). Over the past couple of weeks, such things have been happening everyday, although the first couple of times, when this matter came out suddenly, I told him that if he hears an unpleasant tone in sth I say, to ignore it - if I intend to be mean or be angry at him for sth, I have other ways of letting him know - and it's straighforward, I'll simply tell him. He knows that. If I ever have a problem with sth, I don't beat about the bush, I come straight out with it, without using stupid methods of intonation/tone, in the hope that he'll understand what I'm trying to say, but in the end know that he probably won't... And I've told him this, too!! He said OK. But the next day, and the next, there was always something he'd pick at. And I get soooo upset, because it's starting to hurt me - I feel that he sees me as some kind of monster, who's mean and has a hidden agenda. He's super convinced of the fact that I use the wrong tone when I say stuff (although I've never had that problem with other people) and I feel I'm trapped, because there's no solution. I asked him what I should do, how should I mark my words when speaking to him, but he says he doesn't know. Which leaves me with no way out of this. This "wrong tone" stuff seems to be a big problem for him, because he comes to me with it a lot. Has anyone had a similar problem or does anyone have any ideas on how to solve this???? I'm in desperate need of help. I don't know how to talk without using a tone altogether - I'm not a robot! And I can't exactly change much about my intonation when I don't understand the problem...