What is wrong with me?

[pepper]

Hey, this messed up situation happened a while back and I am over it now, but I have a few questions about it. usually I am a very calm woman. However I find when it comes to men I have a lot of anxiety especially when they start being jerks. I don't even recognize myself. I will keep trying to call them...it's like I become obsessed. This one guy I really liked. It took years to get me to ask him to hang out. I did...well we fooled around for months. He told me he wasnt ready for a commitment but he thought I was really cute smart and funny...and enjoyed my company. Then months later he told me he just wanted to be friends. We made out again...I confessed to have feelings for him and he told me all he ever wanted from me was a physical relationship. He told me it sucked to hear the truth....but thats the way it was. I went crazy. I kept wanting to talk to him. Then he told me i caused him too much stress and he didn't want me in his life. I waited a few days and then tried to apologize. Well he got mad and told me if I ever contacted him again he would call the cops on me. My friends said he wouldnt have gotten anywhere with the cops because there is no crime in calling someone once. Anyway. I did not recognize myself in this situation...I lost control. I became very insecure and very emotional. I lost 10 lbs in 2 weeks (I am only like 120 lbs to begin with). Is there something wrong with me? Did I suffer from anxiety problems? what can I do to make it better if I ever get hurt like that again? Please dont comment just to judge or make fun of me. I really do want to improve.

[headsashed]

i also suffer with anxiety related issues,i have for about 12 years now,im also going through many relationship problems and i do agree with what your saying about wanting to contact them all the time,im the same,and if they havent replied with so long i get anxious and paranoid. i dont know if its the pain or anxiety kicking in.
i think the best thing you can do is leave him alone,you will get over it. wish it was easier than that though because im going through kind of the same thing.

[DarkHelmet82]

Im kinda the same way but Im a guy. Go to a doctor. Its helped me. Obviously I am different from you but what my doc has been telling me which makes sense is this.

I have a fear of rejection, so i tend to move real fast and fall real fast. This manifests itself into a clingy and needy type person. I do that because I feel like I am rejecting them if I am not like that. Because I have rejection issues I am afraid to "reject" others, but I always tend to get burnt.. and the reason is I need to slow down.

I hope this helps you.

There is NOTHING wrong with you.. just work on yourself, and be confident!

[pepper]

Im kinda the same way but Im a guy. Go to a doctor. Its helped me. Obviously I am different from you but what my doc has been telling me which makes sense is this.

I have a fear of rejection, so i tend to move real fast and fall real fast. This manifests itself into a clingy and needy type person. I do that because I feel like I am rejecting them if I am not like that. Because I have rejection issues I am afraid to "reject" others, but I always tend to get burnt.. and the reason is I need to slow down.

I hope this helps you.

There is NOTHING wrong with you.. just work on yourself, and be confident!

Thanks, I feel the exact same as you. I tend to like a guy tho and thats who I want. Not in the crazy stalker kind of way... I have rejected men in the past but I am always very nice about it. I would never want to hurt anyone. I do move too fast and I see things that arent there. I am 24 and I have felt like no guy has ever really wanted me. This guy hurt me because I actually thought he did want me and then I found out he only wanted my body. I have known of him since we were 11(I am 24 now)...I thought I could trust him. It hurts to put yourself out there and then find out all the guy wanted from me was to put out. I didnt have sex with him, but still I felt attached to him. I felt like a ball of energy in my stomach when he rejected me. I felt like an idiot for letting him ever touch me... I wasn't myself...and it scares me to look back at that.

[DarkHelmet82]

Thanks, I feel the exact same as you. I tend to like a guy tho and thats who I want. Not in the crazy stalker kind of way... I have rejected men in the past but I am always very nice about it. I would never want to hurt anyone. I do move too fast and I see things that arent there. I am 24 and I have felt like no guy has ever really wanted me. This guy hurt me because I actually thought he did want me and then I found out he only wanted my body. I have known of him since we were 11(I am 24 now)...I thought I could trust him. It hurts to put yourself out there and then find out all the guy wanted from me was to put out. I didnt have sex with him, but still I felt attached to him. I felt like a ball of energy in my stomach when he rejected me. I felt like an idiot for letting him ever touch me... I wasn't myself...and it scares me to look back at that.

I know how you feel, and im actually surprised that you are just like me in that respect. I thought I was the only one.. I feel the same, that nobody will ever really want me.. but if you think about it.. its ridiculous. Heres why:

The way they feel is how they feel. IT has NOTHING to do with you. You just havent found the right person.. and neither have I.

[pepper]

I know how you feel, and im actually surprised that you are just like me in that respect. I thought I was the only one.. I feel the same, that nobody will ever really want me.. but if you think about it.. its ridiculous. Heres why:

The way they feel is how they feel. IT has NOTHING to do with you. You just havent found the right person.. and neither have I.

Yeah I felt worthless for a while. Until I realized that I am a great person. haha I have 2 university degrees, I am smart and funny. Plus I am one of the few girls that stayed about the same weight that I was in high school. It is just sometimes when nobody else seems to think I am great it makes me feel bad about myself. I do not get why men treat me so horribly. Then I keep trying to get it back after they tell me they dont want anything to do with me. This guy did not understand that hearing the truth about how he would never like me after we fooled around was painful. He would ignore me and tell me that I caused him so much stress. I don't think what he realized was that he caused me so much pain. I asked a guy out for coffee and he turned it into a FWB without me even knowing. I know that sounds silly but he would send me messages telling me how he couldnt wait to see me...I thought it meant he liked me. I didnt see his aggressiveness as him being an ass...I just really thought he wanted to be with me. I feel like I have so many problems because I believed that. All I want is for one guy to show me that not all men are pigs.

[oldskool83]

we are not a pigs, if you havent seen for you own eyes on here about every man on here has posted on this forum for a reason because we we actuyl cared for somone and needed some direction. You'll meet another one that will make ya forget the way this one made you feel.

[vashti]

I don't think I would call this an "anxiety" problem. This was a problem with you not listening. He told you he didn't want a relationship. There is no clearer way to say that than how he did it. You just didn't want to listen. Hopefully now you will learn why it is best to *hear* a man when he says this sort of thing... he actually meant what he said.

[pepper]

He said he was not looking for a gf at the time, but that he thought I was really cute, smart, funny and he enjoyed talking to me. I told him no to fooling around at first and he said okay. Then he kept telling me how he couldnt wait to see me. He would sit there and tell me everything he knew about me and he made it look like he was interested. A few days after we made out he sent me a msg just asking me to get coffee. I did listen so please do not sit there and tell me I didn't. Also, I know not all men are pigs. It just seems like the ones I like usually are.

[vashti]

He told me he wasnt ready for a commitment but he thought I was really cute smart and funny...and enjoyed my company. Then months later he told me he just wanted to be friends.

I did listen so please do not sit there and tell me I didn't.

No, darling, you didn't. Hearing the words isn't the same thing as hearing the message. You were hoping to propel his physical interest into an emotional interest, even though he TOLD you he didn't want a commitment.

I'm not trying to be harsh, but if you don't want to have this happen again, you MUST understand what role you played. You did this to yourself, but the good news is that you can stop it from happening again if you take responsibility for your own contribution. If what you want is a relationship, then stop fooling around with guys who tell you that they don't want one, regardless of anything else they say to you.

[Wakeup]

Also, I know not all men are pigs. It just seems like the ones I like usually are.

Why is that?

[pepper]

No, darling, you didn't. Hearing the words isn't the same thing as hearing the message. You were hoping to propel his physical interest into an emotional interest, even though he TOLD you he didn't want a commitment.

I'm not trying to be harsh, but if you don't want to have this happen again, you MUST understand what role you played. You did this to yourself, but the good news is that you can stop it from happening again if you take responsibility for your own contribution. If what you want is a relationship, then stop fooling around with guys who tell you that they don't want one, regardless of anything else they say to you.

I did respect his wishes at first. I was away at school and I came back for two months...that is when this happened. We got to know each other at the time; we werent just fooling around. It felt more like we were casually seeing each other. I went back to school and gave him his space. When I came back he told me he just wanted to be friends because he needs to sort out some problems. We hung out a few times throughout the next couple months and then after we made out again I told him how I was starting to feel. Yeah I get he said he didnt want a relationship but he said this back in October, I confessed to have feelings for him a month ago. I gave him his space but when he still wanted me to be part of his life and kissed me again...I thought he was trying to tell me something.

[vashti]

Males don't send subliminal messages. In the future, you should ASK them if they have changed their mind about their interest in a relationship before you jump to any conclusions.

[pepper]

Why is that?

My problem with this guy was that I had known of him for years and I always thought he was a nice guy. We were acquinatances and he would always come into my place of work and talk to me. When he first proposed fooling around I said no and then he said he would love to hang out with me anyway. He kept sending me messages telling me he couldnt wait for me to get home. We went out the first night and he told me how he kept looking on my FB just to see what I was up to. He knew stuff about me and remember stuff I had told him even from years before. I get he said he didnt want a relationship...but that doesn't mean a guy can't be interested in a girl it is just the wrong time. Usually I back away from guys when they seem like pigs, but I just thought this was a nice guy. I am not a slut; I am actually a virgin and he knew that. So why would I think a guy who didnt like me would just make out with me for months? the only answer I can get is he was hoping that I would have sex with him.

[Dank]

Darling i'd suggest to expect nothing lower your expectations ... The jerk just wanted physical relationship with you nothing else you'll find your man

Patience is a virtue ( remember don't get to attached)

Goodluck!