I like (I think love) a girl who makes me feel horrible, please help!

[oli5676]

Hi guys!

I'm 18 and am having some problems with a girl, don't we all? I've known this girl for maybe 4 years, a pretty long time, but during this entire friendship we've been, kind of love hate, on her side of things, probably more hate, I don't want to sweet talk this or make this forum what I want to hear I just need to get it off my chest as front as possible. I think about this girl far too much and it mentally hurts me, I can't just move on to advice such as "there are more fish in the ocean" or "she isn't worth your time" because I just can't, I've tried focusing or trying with other girls, tried just disconnecting from her all together and just nothing works. Anyway I'll give some background information, for the first few years of our friendship in school it was nothing really, we didn't talk too often we were just in the same crowd, but as I came to my final year in school I started developing strong feelings for her, but never really came out and told her, towards the end of the year I told her how I felt, she however had a boyfriend at the time, she said she felt the same way a few months back. This hurt me and I just moved along, after school we lost contact but then I started talking to her again, and she invited me to come see her out of town, I did so, it was kind of weird, we had a few drinks and then ended up doing a lot of kissing and feeling and just intimate fun, it sounds corny but from then on I started having feelings for her again (she's one of those people you just always have a soft spot for) I told her and nothing really came of it to my disappointment, ever since then I've been completely whipped and everyday I think about her. We then ended up at an event together a few months later, same deal, intimacy but nothing came of it, like she was just doing it for the sake of doing it, but she isn't that type of girl... fast forward a month and a bit and we're here and I still can't move on, I'm certain she knows how I feel, I've lied to her and told her I'm over her and whatnot. I've never wanted someone so much, but what's weird is that... she's such a bitch! mean to say I know, but when we speak via text/online whatever she just seems mean, has this tone to her, like she doesn't want to talk, but then in person... she's different, fun, nice, a bit cheeky, but all in all, she just makes me feel like shit, I've never liked/hated someone so much I tell myself I can handle it, I swear I love this girl... anyway if any of you have some form of advice... anything! why is this girl getting intimate whenever we see each other, but also being... so horrible, why can't I be good enough, I end up turning this all on myself and tell myself I'm just not good enough for her, I'm not the clingy type, I don't talk to her 24/7 and I stay fit and scrub up nicely... so I'm told anyway, please guys anything, perhaps a way to finally catch this fish, or just a solid way to move on, so far nothing is working, and I'm hurting over it, she means too much to me but it feels like I mean nothing to her, like I don't even exist. It's something so small and others have such bigger problems than me but I'm just here thinking about her everyday and why she is the way she is. I like her because she's her, her personality is wonderful and she's beautiful, to me anyway, this has got the best of me... HELP! ):

Thanks for reading that chunk of text guys, all the best for 2014 I hope you guys/gals have better luck with your relationships than I am..

[4 ratties]

I don't understand contradicting statements such as "she is horrible mean and cheeky" and "she is the kind of girl you always have a soft spot for"
She sounds like a b ***, u even said so yourself soooo I'm thinking that you get off on the drama. U like the back and forth otherwise u wouldn't be obsessing about it so much and posting online. On her side of things, my best guess is she is interested in someone else or there's something about u that she just doesn't click with.
Or what about the fact that u lied and told her you only saw her as a friend? Maybe after that she decided to be kind of mean to keep u at a distance. She could just not be text savvy and come off rude if she's otherwise this great awesome girl that u must obsess about.
If u really want her why not tell her how u truly feel and then treat her right. Text her, call her, and spend time with her. She's single now right?

[oli5676]

Thanks for the reply! yeah i get what you're saying it all makes sense, she is single yes, but I don't think she is interested in anyone at the moment. I want to tell her how I truly feel, but I've done it in the past I know what reaction I'll get, I guess if I tell in person that would be much better, eh who knows, asking her out to do stuff is kind of annoying as well, she seems like she doesn't want to, and then when I say that she tells me she does? like it's completely apparent by the way she responds when I ask her if she wants to do something. But I'll try all your suggestions, It's nice to speak to someone about my issue, and your advice helps more than you know (: thank you!

[4 ratties]

Yeah it sounds like she may just not want to be in a relationship. She's enjoying hanging out with you every so often because no one likes to be lonely.
If asking her to hang out is not a fun process, you might want to rethink this girl. I don't think I would be very attracted to this situation when the other person is acting rude or like they don't care. She kind of sounds like a complicated person. Maybe she has issues and she's not wanting to fully give herself to you. Best thing to do now is do what u feel is right. If u really want her tho you'll have to make a move because u told her u don't have feelings for her. So the ball is in your court to make up for it. Or maybe just let this one go. I'm sure there's more friendly girls that would like to get drunk and have fun with u

[oli5676]

Thanks so much, you have no idea how nice it feels to get this off my chest, and to have someone provide great advice! what you just said, is basically all true about her, I guess I'll just see what happens, take care and thanks again! (: