forgiving

[qwertz]

Forgiving someone that you hate (d)

Do you think that time makes a difference/helps?

Has anyone ever hated someone at some point and then gone on to forgive?

Do you have to want to forgive someone before it happens, or can you find yourself forgving them even if you arent sure you want to?

[Mish]

I think forgiveness has to start with the person asking to be forgiven. Though when they do it's better to forgive than to keep a grudge.

[Gigabitch]

I've forgiven someone the way you'd forgive a debt, meaning that I simply don't expect anything from him. As far as forgiving acts that I judge to be unforgivable, though, I honestly think that would cause some kind of mental short circuit in me. I don't need anything from him and there's no lingering attachment- he's free to go without making any amends to me. He'll have to look somewhere else for forgiveness, though.

[lastwish]

Time alone doesn't really help me with forgiveness. But maybe through time, after I gain other experiences or have thought things through, I begin to understand the person I hate a little better. Then, I might begin to forgive.

[Illusional]

i just never let the pass bother me so i don't have to forgive anyone.

raverboy

[Doc Durian]

I usually end up not giving a stuff. Forgiveness, indifference, forgetfulness... all the same to me.

[misombra]

i know people who are full of hatred for a person or group of people and they're like that for years and years and cannot forgive. it kills people. it's like a terminal illness.

[doppelgaenger]

Yeah, you give 'em an inch, and the yellow belly cods will squirm a whole mile.

[vashti]

If this is what I THINK it's about, qwerty, I think you will have to eventually redefine what forgiveness means for you.

Yes, I have hated, and I was able to move on to forgiveness, but forgiveness for me didn't mean "it's okay that you did that". It was a decision I made to let go of my anger and recognize that he was just a very sick person. And it took a long time to forgive. Many years, in fact.. so many years that I knew I was immune to being hurt by that person again.

[Lipp]

Well, for the few cases when I've hated I pretty much haven't spoken to the person/s face to face again, so not actually sure, it doesn't bother me for any length of time, so haven't been bothered to forgive. And if I were to meet the person/s again, well, it's easier to have a fairly long break between the incident and meeting again to start a clean slate.

[Cbrider]

Forgive, yes - forget, no.

I have forgiven, but I do not forget. I wont judge you, but I will always remember why I perceive you as I do. Sometimes you need to protect yourself.

[Perryville]

There is forgiveness, which to me means that you have chosen to accept that persons acts and move past them, and there is understanding, which to me, means that you are aware of the reasons behind the actions, and find them excusable. I'm capable of the first, not the second.

[bluesummer]

I've hated, but more when I was younger. Now I have people I just generally dislike, and once I dislike them, it's really hard to ever get out of that zone with me. I find hatred takes too much energy, and I don't want to waste that kind of energy on someone that isn't even worth it.

I hated my ex husband. Now I just more or less don't care if he exists. I guess I've 'forgiven' him, but it's more like the things he did to me no longer have any bearing on my life because I've moved on. I don't dwell on it.

[IndiReloaded]

I only find it useful to forgive someone for an issue that is fixable. Otherwise, I'm all about indifference, similar to Giga and Blue. We only have so much energy. Don't carry water in a bucket that is rusting through the bottom.

[sookie6]

I never forgive but over time hate can eat away at you (at least this is how I felt) and keep your from progressing and being happy again.

I have a serious tendency to dwell. And I am fighting it everyday with more or less success.

What I do is more of a mental exercise: any time I start having negative thoughts I counterbalance with a happy thought..which is not so easy...so recetnyl anytime some creepy feeling about my ex wants to manifest I concentrate on day dreaming about my next lover...which is pathetic I know but at least it opens a door towards the future!

I don't want to become a bitter old woman...so I am working on this now....