This past weekend my best friend got married. During the reception one of our friends recalled a time when the groom said something along the lines of, I'm so blessed to be able to wake up every morning and know that through all my flaws and short comings, that this girl loves me.
That got me thinking...
I'm no expert on dating, heck, I've only ever had a handful of serious relationships, whether I chalk that up to being anti-social, or just having unbelievably high standards, IDK if I'll ever know. But I'm in a bit of a pickle.
This girl, how she looks and feels about me, the things she writes me, and the things she says off the wall and out of the blue... Well... It makes me feel as tho she'd love me through all of my flaws and short comings... And she's told me countless times now that I'm the man of her dreams...
I'm currently 25 years old, almost 26, and when I was 17 I went on a mission trip to Romania where I met a girl. We fell in love, or at least what we thought was love at the time, and when we came home from the trip 4 weeks later we made a long distance relationship last 364 days. I can't say for sure because it was so long ago, but I think we could have made it last even longer if, at the time, my mother had developed a different view of her. She hated her so much that it drove us to break it off.
She still hates her, and sad enough to say, my mother and I are VERY close... I have sort of a dependency issue, tho it's not like the case where I can't live without her and I can't make my own decisions, thats just kinda downright pathetic. I'd sum it up as a very deep respect and appreciation for what she has given me throughout my life. And the very last thing I EVER want to do is disapoint her in any way.
To get back to the problem. This girl and I have been talking for the past 3 years pretty much reguraly. We haven't seen eachother in person since Prom my junior year of high school, but every time we talk, it's as tho I'm talking to my best friend, and she feels the same. I can do anything while I'm on the phone with her, as in, I'm more comfortable sharing things with her than I am with anyone else, even my best friend I mentioned earlier. What does that mean?
Now, why we aren't together right now... I live in Pennsylvania, she lives in South Carolina.
I'm sure this is all rambling to the people reading this, and I haven't thought this post through very deeply, but every time we start talking again, it's like I'm falling in love with her all over again for the very first time. I can't picture a more perfect scene than waking up by her side and raising a family with her, but at the same time that very thought scares me to DEATH.
She has 2 small children, ages 3 and 1 1/2 years *one from previous marriage and one from adoption* and even tho I've never met them I feel like I could instantly love those little tikes like one of my own.
There will be more to this post, I could make it 3 or 4 pages long. But first I want to know, based off the information I've provided so far, and if more need be provided as part of a deeper background into this I can provide it, am I crazy? Am I truely in love? Or is this some sort of infatuation with a girl that I never truly got to experience a real relationship with? Am I nuts for even thinking about this after all this time has passed? Or should I say screw it all and go for what obviously looks like the best thing in my life?
Once these questions are answered, I'm sure I'll post more of the story.
Thanks in advance for the advice!