I'm in my late thirties and I've been single for most of my life and it hurts me a lot, constantly. The hurt is becoming worse as I grow older though I know that all is not lost yet. I come from a culture where dating was not encouraged and people mostly have arranged marriages. Growing up my mother was very strict and I learnt to be afraid of women. Even when we are adults, you'll frequently find that you can trace personality traits back to childhood. Bad traits need focused intervention to fix and this is what I want to do. I'm not blaming it on bad parenting but we have to find out how a problem started so we can understand it more and know how to approach it and fix it.
So... I need some serious coaching or training in dating and learning how to approach girls. Anytime I've tried anything with girls, they've always remained in my friendzone. Recently I told a "friend" that I liked her (after being years in the friendzone) and she rejected me saying we were only friends and she is now seeing someone who just moved to this city a few months back. Its sad. I kind of knew that she mostly saw me as a friend but I wanted to hear it from her so it would all be over and I could move on, but it did hurt me to think that I lost another girl. Its hurting me right now and thats why I'm here now. Better late than never.
Nowadays there's another girl that I'm just hanging out with occasionally and I've known her for years too so its happening again. I don't know what happens. Girls show strong interest in me in the beginning but later on it seems they get disappointed and are waiting for me to do something which I never do. Maybe there's something wrong with me. Whatever it is, I need to change.
I don't know how to take it to the next level so I can kiss, be involved emotionally, have a girlfriend and be intimate. These are just not skills that I learned while growing up. Its not my fault. However I realize I need to do something about this otherwise it will be 10 more years and I'll still be single. This cant go on.
The advice I need is to tell me about coaching or training programs. Like Public speaking, right? I need training in dating. It could really good videos, or one-on-one coaching in real life. It could involve training in group settings where we're practicing. In today's world where people can invent things like Snuggies and the funny-looking Ostrich pillow, there's got to be something for people like me who have no clue how to move on from friendship to the next level. Books? That wont do it for me. I need actual practice to change my behavior. Reading a book wont do it. I have read things like that before. We cant change personality traits by reading books, just like you could not learn flying an airplane by reading a book. You have to actually practice in some kind simulation or the real thing.
I'm not interested in hearing advice like "Just keep practicing", or "make some friends" and so on. I need professional help and I want to know where I can get it from. I can pay, that's not a problem. I just hope its not like $300/hour - that I could not do.
They'll find out what's wrong, why I get "frozen" or fearful, what I need to do at what stage and then I'll do a little bit of practice. Once I got some email coaching about a girl I was seeing. That didnt work out but that shows I've tried to get help. Email coaching could help but thats still not as involved as I want it.
I know I need to work on my body and I live in a crappy place now (recently moved). I also have health problems which leave me out of energy and that is a huge problem which I'm trying to fix. My racial/national/ethnic background doesn't do me any favors but we have to play with the cards we are given and control the factors that we can control and ignore the rest. People can succeed or fail in spite of whatever backgrounds they come from. Sometimes those same factors can actually help me out in the beginning and help me stand out a little but I have to make it work. Its all about how we are as a person.
Anyway, in spite of many factors working against me, I know I still have to improve my "game" or whatever that is. I don't want to be single forever.
So I'm hoping I can get advice about what kind of help I can get or what I can do next.