Young 20's working professional here...FIRST time dating! Need help...

[SigOne]

Ok, here's my situation

I'm 24 and have never been in a relationship...I know crazy. I'm fit, average looking and have a stable 9-5 job. I'm just a shy, nice guy

I just started going out with this girl, that I met on a dating website, for a month now.
We go out every Friday night where I pay the dinner bill every time. At the end of each night, I always just hug her (no long romantic hug) and say goodbye. We haven't kissed yet! It's because I'm too shy to make the move

When we're walking, she lets me hold her hand but it's always me initiating it. We take photos of ourselves together and I made them my facebook profile pic but she hasn't

Just tonight, she called me and asked about a facebook post on my wall. One of my guy friends was congratulating me on my new "girlfriend" (her) because of my profile pic

She asked on the phone:

"So are we in a relationship?"

I reply: "Yeah! We've gone out every Friday so far. So definitely"

And she kinda just trails off in an unsure way...

Then she asked me if I think this celebrity guy was attractive. I said I'm going to need to see a picture of him and give her a response later. What does this question even mean?!? Is she testing me to see if I'm gay? Is this why she thinks we're just "friends??"


At the end of the phone conversation, she invited me to this county fair on Friday. So there is STILL HOPE! But I'm just so lost and confused. I for sure thought there was a spark but she says we're not really in a relationship, yet she invites me to the fair (yes, it's going to be just the 2 of us)

I look forward to your advice. As you can see, I've never been in a relationship so I'm new to this. But I have read MANY articles, watched MANY youtube videos on dating. Yes, very nerdy

Thank you!

[zyingyang]

I too am a young 20-something professional who just got out of a 6month relationship w/ the guy who was my first "real" relationship - I've mostly just dated before this and lived vicariously through my friends, so I kind of know what you may be going through. Honestly, for your situation it really depends on what she's like - is she shy too? has she been in many real relationships?
If you're the one initiating everything she's either also scared/shy and waiting for you to make the moves until she feels comfortable or she doesn't know how she feels about you yet. Honestly though, I acted shy around the guys I dated in the past - and I thought it was because I had a cold heart or I was scared the guy would think I'm "too forward" by trying to hold his hand. The guy I was with for 6 months, initially he initiated everything b/c I wasn't sure about him or his intentions, but after about a month (at least 5 days really since we only saw each other on the weekends) I felt brave enough to randomly hug him or if our hands broke contact - I felt safe enough w/ him to reach for his hand again. So...your girl either doesn't feel that way w/ you yet b/c the situation is still new, or she's not sure if she'll feel that way w/ you at all. Sorry, that's kind of abrasive but I'm trying to be honest. But honestly? a month - one day a week? that's only 4 times you two have seen each other. That's too early to be in a relationship, especially if ya'll haven't kissed yet. If you really want to keep seeing what happens with her, then you have to let time take it's course and see where it goes. And if you ever have questions about whether you are in a relationship ASK HER but don't PUSH her to be in one. I've found everyone has a different view on what a relationship is - its probably best to find out how she defines a relationship. But posting pics of yourself w/ her on facebook already? that's kind of fast. Be patient.

[SigOne]

Thanks for the reply!

When she asked me if I was in a relationship before, I said I never was in one. Then she said she was never in a relationship before as well. Even though I saw on her facebook (yes, creeper!) that she has photos of her and her "bf" (it was in the image description) and pics of her at her HS prom with her date. But that really doesn't mean relationship?

Hmm, now I regret posting the pictures on facebook....I can't really take them off now. It'll be too embarrassing and weird

Since I've never done this before, just dating doesn't mean a relationship right? Just because were dating doesn't mean she can't go date other people right?
But, if I say we're in a relationship, it means exclusivity?

EDIT: and she's not really shy. She's very vocal

[zyingyang]

Correct, just dating doesn't mean a relationship - but once again, you have to ask her her opinion. I've dated guys who view dating as the opportunity to get to know the other person and they claim that dating more than one person at a time is normal. However I and my last boyfriend viewed dating as a time to get to know each other exclusively - meaning not dating around - just dating each other. I've found that ppl who date multiple ppl at once don't know what they want and are probably not really into you. So make sure you two have the same views on dating. A relationship is that point when you two are really connected - most ppl define this as the time you want to call each other "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" - this usually occurs around the time you two trust and feel safe w/ each other to get intimate. When you two feel comfortable introducing him/her to your friends and family, then you're most likely in a relationship. But like I said, never hurts to ask if your unsure (girls usually like to talk about this more than guys do - so for her sake, its good you want to know). I've had "boyfriends" in high school but compared to the guy I was w/ recently they weren't relationships - they weren't sexual and they were really immature connections (more like puppy love). So I believe her when she said she hasn't been in a relationship. If she's never been in a REAL relationship like yourself, then she's most likely just as scared as you are - probably feeing the same things, granted she's really into you (which odds seem good since she invited you on a date friday). For me it helped that my ex had experience and wasn't awkward - he understood to let things unfold w/ time - which is what I understand now. I have a feeling you two will still have awkward moments, trying to figure out how to act and what to do, etc. You just have to be patient. Don't worry about the photos - as long as you upload pics of everything you do and not just pics of you two together - then it's really not embarrassing.

[SigOne]

Thank you so much for the reply zyingyang!

I've had "boyfriends" in high school but compared to the guy I was w/ recently they weren't relationships - they weren't sexual and they were really immature connections (more like puppy love). So I believe her when she said she hasn't been in a relationship.

Whew. That's a relief. Wow, a relationship seems really serious...

If she's never been in a REAL relationship like yourself, then she's most likely just as scared as you are - probably feeing the same things, granted she's really into you (which odds seem good since she invited you on a date friday).

It's funny because she is REALLY pretty. In terms of attractiveness, much more than me. So I dunno how she hasn't been in a relationship before. She did say she's really picky

Don't worry about the photos - as long as you upload pics of everything you do and not just pics of you two together - then it's really not embarrassing.

Everything we do are pics of us together. My 2 latest profile pics are of her and me together...I'm a little confused by what you mean

A few more things:
She takes at least a day to reply to my facebook messages or texts. Even though all messages go directly to her phone, which is ALWAYS on her. What's the deal with this? But sometimes, its within 30 minutes.

One night, she asked me if the 'liking is mutual' and how she doesn't like to waste time dating people she's not sure of. So I took all these as signs she wants to start a relationship, hence all the facebook deal