Scrapped

[Rollerderby]

The interview I had here before was way too judgmental. I wrote it late last night and didn't give it the proper time to think about it. I just needed to see what I was thinking on paper.

I don't know how to get my head out of the way so that I can just enjoy myself.

I have some serious thinking that I need to do. I think in this case it might really be me and not him.

[Sonrisa]

what?!?????????????

[Rollerderby]

I had posted something I had written last night about the guy I've been seeing. When I woke up this morning and re-read what I had written, I felt that it was way too harsh. I didn't filter myself, I was just writing to be more cathartic about potential things to say. I'm just feeling really confused right now, so I deleted the thread.

[Lipp]

We will never forgive you.

[Rollerderby]

Lol, I know I know.

[Rollerderby]

What's making me feel really confused is that, while maybe I am just not that into him, I also peeked back through the pages of my dating life, and noticed that I have felt overly critical of boyfriends at different stages. It's almost a compulsion to criticize. I hate it. I hate it. I don't know where it comes from. I usually consider myself a pretty accepting person, but I also feel like I do this because I don't let people get close to me. I push them away before I can get too attached and risk getting hurt.

Friendship is one thing. Friends are easy. You can tell friends your deepest darkest secrets, and they still love you. I don't know how to relax and let boyfriends in, so I fault find and push them away. Help! What do I do?

[IndiReloaded]

You remind me of the joke about the Men's Department Store, Derby.

[Gigabitch]

Derby, just date the guy. You don't have to marry him and therefore he doesn't have to meet all of your Mr. Right criteria. Yes, I know he tends to over-commit, but just take that with a grain of salt. It's probably driven by his insecurities about being cheated on and could fade with time. It's not who he really is.

Are you afraid of being trapped or something?

[Mish]

What's making me feel really confused is that, while maybe I am just not that into him, I also peeked back through the pages of my dating life, and noticed that I have felt overly critical of boyfriends at different stages. It's almost a compulsion to criticize. I hate it. I hate it. I don't know where it comes from. I usually consider myself a pretty accepting person, but I also feel like I do this because I don't let people get close to me. I push them away before I can get too attached and risk getting hurt.

Friendship is one thing. Friends are easy. You can tell friends your deepest darkest secrets, and they still love you. I don't know how to relax and let boyfriends in, so I fault find and push them away. Help! What do I do?

I think you are too sensitive to the things you dislike. This is a personal problem not to do with anyone else and it will carry on into all of your interactions with potential partners.

I was once with a girl who was sensitive to things she disliked and ready to dash out criticism with raised voice every second if necessary. She would attack people for leaning against the wall (because it leaves marks), for leaving the towel too wet, for not picking up crumbs that fell off their plate, for standing too long, for looking at her not the right way, for lingering too close, for not projecting a better personality at a certain time and I can tell you it got old very quickly. She became too intimidating for most people to handle. Was she right to project her opinions? (She really did dislike all those things) Or should she have been more assertive in her expression? I will leave it up to you to decide.

[starbuck]

I think it's your age and your intelligence. You're just stuck in that phase where you're probably not ready to settle down, but you still crave companionship.

I was totally there. And probably alot like you. It will pass in time.

In the meantime, just try to live learn.

[IndiReloaded]

I was once with a girl who was sensitive to things she disliked and ready to dash out criticism with raised voice every second if necessary. She would attack people for leaning against the wall (because it leaves marks), for leaving the towel too wet, for not picking up crumbs that fell off their plate, for standing too long, for looking at her not the right way, for lingering too close, for not projecting a better personality at a certain time and I can tell you it got old very quickly. She became too intimidating for most people to handle. Was she right to project her opinions? (She really did dislike all those things) Or should she have been more assertive in her expression? I will leave it up to you to decide.

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aiH0ke5TFTM"]YouTube - Janet Jackson - Control[/ame]

[Yggdrasil]

I deleted the thread.

May you rot in hell forever

[Rollerderby]

Mish, I know what you are saying is right. I am aware of it and that's why I'm seeking the answers for why I am doing this to myself and him. My own attitude has surprised me very much. Fortunately, I have been able to keep my critical remarks to myself. I dislike it within myself. I recognize how annoying it is, I've been on the bearing end before. I'm working on it. I was just freaking out a bit yesterday. I don't think I'm quite as bad as that girl you are talking about. And, the reason why I tried to talk to this guy in the first place, was to try to help myself as much as him, suss out what was really going on. Not so much a "where are we going talk" as he perceived it, but a, "this is what my head is saying, what does it mean?" talk.

Giga, yeah I think I am afraid of getting trapped. For the record, I do like him. I think I will give it more time to flourish and see where it goes. I also wonder if I am reacting this way because I am starting to like him more and it's kind of scaring me. You know, the old, "push them away before they get to close and hurt you" trick.

Starbuck, I think the advice you have given me in a few threads is right on. I definitely identify with a lot of what you say. It is a weird phase. Thanks for the words of support.

Indi, if you are laughing at me, the joke is on you. If you'd like me to laugh with you, maybe you should share the joke. Also, unfortunately the Janet video was dis-embedded.


Ygg,

[Mish]

Mish, I know what you are saying is right. I am aware of it and that's why I'm seeking the answers for why I am doing this to myself and him. My own attitude has surprised me very much. Fortunately, I have been able to keep my critical remarks to myself. I dislike it within myself. I recognize how annoying it is, I've been on the bearing end before. I'm working on it. I was just freaking out a bit yesterday. I don't think I'm quite as bad as that girl you are talking about. And, the reason why I tried to talk to this guy in the first place, was to try to help myself as much as him, suss out what was really going on. Not so much a "where are we going talk" as he perceived it, but a, "this is what my head is saying, what does it mean?" talk.

Well, I suppose if it's part of some type of self conversation it's okay. Who doesn't feel completely ridiculous some time after analyzing their inner feelings? It's good that you recognize these things in yourself because a lot of people are completely oblivious to their own flaws.

As far as your guy goes, it does sound like you are not that into him. Maybe your instincts are telling you something. From a distance he seems to be shier and more timid while you seem more outgoing and direct. It's a dynamic that should work well, but doesn't always. I guess, the key is knowing yourself. What you want out of the relationship. Sometimes deciding that can be the most infuriating because a lot of us don't fully know ourselves to begin with. That's how the joy and excitement of landing someone new and 'proving yourself' can quickly turn sour when we start analyzing if that's what we really want and whether we can do better. No suggestions in that regard, everyone comes to their own unique solution. I'm partly in a similar situation at the moment so I know how agonizing these thoughts can be.

[vashti]

I'm glad you scrapped the interview. It was really over the top.