Originally Posted by
Rollerderby
What's making me feel really confused is that, while maybe I am just not that into him, I also peeked back through the pages of my dating life, and noticed that I have felt overly critical of boyfriends at different stages. It's almost a compulsion to criticize. I hate it. I hate it. I don't know where it comes from. I usually consider myself a pretty accepting person, but I also feel like I do this because I don't let people get close to me. I push them away before I can get too attached and risk getting hurt.
Friendship is one thing. Friends are easy. You can tell friends your deepest darkest secrets, and they still love you. I don't know how to relax and let boyfriends in, so I fault find and push them away. Help! What do I do?
I think you are too sensitive to the things you dislike. This is a personal problem not to do with anyone else and it will carry on into all of your interactions with potential partners.
I was once with a girl who was sensitive to things she disliked and ready to dash out criticism with raised voice every second if necessary. She would attack people for leaning against the wall (because it leaves marks), for leaving the towel too wet, for not picking up crumbs that fell off their plate, for standing too long, for looking at her not the right way, for lingering too close, for not projecting a better personality at a certain time and I can tell you it got old very quickly. She became too intimidating for most people to handle. Was she right to project her opinions? (She really did dislike all those things) Or should she have been more assertive in her expression? I will leave it up to you to decide.
Don't cry, don't regret and don't blame
Weak find the whip, willing find freedom
Towards the sun, carry your name
In warm hands you are given
Ask the wind for the way
Uncertainty's gone, your path will unravel
Accept all as it is and do not blame
God or the Devil
~Born to Live - Mavrik~