My Girlfriend broke up with me again... but this time she is extremely distant.

[Crowley]

Hey all, first I want to say thank you for taking the time to read this, I will try to explain as clearly as possible without being redundant.

I have been coming to this forum for the duration of my 1.7 year relationship, always over her drop of a dime break ups...
This time is no different except now she has greatly distanced herself from me, barely seems to want to talk, even though she said I was her closest most important friend, that she wouldn't abandon me and that we would try again once I "sorted out my life."

Her reason for breaking up with me is my telling her to tell some guy at work to keep his hands to himself. I didn't appreciate how he wrote his name on her arm, in what she said was an attempt to piss me off. My main issue is "who is this guy to be provoking me", not necessarily the actual act of writing on her. She said I over reacted and we went to bed with her ignoring me. She wakes up, goes and calls her sister, and then asks me why I'm acting like we're on good terms. Needless to say, her sister gave her the "Come move back home and dump him" blah blah speech. And she listened. Saying we were over... which is odd because just day earlier we were having a wonderful trip, were extremely close and loving. She says I'm over protective and that I need to not be controlling... even though just two weeks ago I had no issue with her going on a trip to San Fransisco with her male best friend. Speaking of that trip she came home stating she found a greater appreciation for me and the things I do for her while she was there...

Moving on. Next day after she says we are over, she leaves to go spend a few days at her parents. She is 24 and has been living at home all her life until she moved in with me. A few hours after she gets home, I get a text saying she will be back Friday to pick up her stuff, that she is quitting her job (a nursing position we worked really hard to finally get her) and that she wants me to help her move. I asked her why she had to move out and quit her job so soon and she said she had to get away from he BS.

She comes to pick her stuff up and we spend a decent day together... during this time we touched a little on what she thought was wrong with me, and that I was overprotective and that I needed to get a car (mine broke down from our over using it, she was commuting) and that things like my 'lying' bothered her. I lied about bills, cause I didn't want her to worry. I asked her what else but she didn't want to talk about it. After we got home, she began crying and jumped into my arms and we kissed and I said it didn't have to be this way. She said it was hard but we needed time... she then promised (pinky promise even) that we would try again some day when I was "Better", sealing it with a kiss. She left later that night after I helped her load her things. She was still talking to me normally, texting me often and calling. For weeks after that. She was telling me she was depressed. She hadn't been able to find a job and she said she felt like she came home empty handed.

She comes over a week later saying she wanted to help cosign a car for me, so we went car searching. She became agitated by the fact I was still distraught over the break up. At first we were fine, but when we went to her parents... it just kind of hit me. I'm not close with my family, and seeing her family who I was closer to treat me differently really saddened me. Like I had lost not only the woman I love but my family as well. She got very upset. Even started ditching me to go look for cars with her friends who I barely even know. So while out with one of her friends I asked him if she talked about us, since I was upset and irrational. He said he didn't know and this turned out to be a very bad move. She drops me off saying how agitated she was over me being upset. I told her I can't just turn love off, and I didn't understood how she could, since we were in love just 2 weeks earlier. She said she wasn't in love, that she just loved me. But that love can only cover for so much... (wtf). She gets home and her sister tells her I asked her friend about us, and tells me that I embarrassed her and that she thinks we shouldn't talk for a while.

A week later, she starts talking to me again. Eventually she says how she missed her third home, which she explained to be me, not my apartment, and decided to come over to help me (she left me with no car) get to my Background Interview and exam (law enforcement). We had a really nice time it seemed, cuddling like we used to, giving each other little kisses on the cheek, sleeping together, having sex twice a day every day. She really seemed to be warming up to me again. We talked about the future and she told me what she wanted to do, I supported her and told her I would never hold her back again. We were getting along just fine. After about 6 days, the day of my background interview, she is suddenly all "Don't touch me, don't kiss me, etc" and this continued into the next day, I asked her what her problem was all the sudden and she said she didn't know. She got a call for a job interview and decided to leave early for it. We left with a hug, she told me when she got home... but then nothing.

She didn't text me, no calls, next day comes around, she calls me but I missed it cause I was sleeping, so I call her back when I wake up. She said she just wanted her resume, but she got the job anyways so it was all good. I congratulated her but then she said she was busy and we would talk later. No texting for the rest of the day. She calls me the next morning asking for a password, but she doesn't want to talk, says she would let me go and again doesn't text me all day. She texted me good night but that was it. Next day, today, she is till acting cold, acting busy, I told her I needed to have her fill out a form for my background investigation and she agreed but then had to go.

So this leaves me sitting here... wondering where this distance is coming from when it has never been present during the 2 years we have known each other. Even during our other beak ups she was always constantly talking to me, I would go see her every weekend, and we would eventually get back together after a week or 2. It has been a month now... what is so different this time around? Does anyone have any idea what she could be thinking?

Any thoughts is appreciated, thanks for taking the time to read this.

[Wakeup]

You are not doing yourself any favours by trying to keep her in your life. She sounds unsound to be honest, quitting a good job (before securing another) in this economy because she's sick of the bullshit. Turning on and off (of you) like a refridgerator light. She sounds bi polar or even Boarderline personalitied disordered. I think you don't want to lose her simply because you can't give up the sex twice a day every day ~ only when THE MOOD SUITS HER.

Read back your opening post that describes the roller coaster ride this beotch keeps you on. Do yourself a favour this time and just tell her you're done with her crap and to never contact you again. Then take the time to get over her before you jump into something else or someone else who is also as nuts, demanding, confused and disrespectful as her - the one you keep going back to. pffft.

[Crowley]

Thanks for the reply~ Well honestly to me it isn't about the sex.. I could get it elsewhere. She just really made me happy,when we didn't have a breakup escapade we were always perfect, no fights/arguments etc. Just seems like whenever she gets angry her first instinct is to run away.

[Wakeup]

Thanks for the reply~ Well honestly to me it isn't about the sex.. I could get it elsewhere. She just really made me happy,when we didn't have a breakup escapade we were always perfect, no fights/arguments etc. Just seems like whenever she gets angry her first instinct is to run away.

So why would you trust your heart in the hands of a crazy women who dumps your ass whenever the whim comes over her. She doesn't love you if she'd do this.. You don't love yourself it you'd allow yourself to be treated the way she treats you. It's not love, it's emotional addiction and it appears that you'd rather be mistreated and emotionally abused, that is better to you then being alone which is a problem in itself.

Learn to love yourself and you'd find it quite easy to leave someone who abuses you the way she abuses you.

Good luck. Start reading books regarding the subject of codependency and you may find that you have many of the symptoms of codependency.

This woman was not meant to be your life partner. You wouldn't be breaking up and getting back together like you have been if she was. Realize this the fact she's not come back in a month will seem like a good thing to you. Hopefully she'll never bother you again. Sorry, but this is not a healthy relationship you are describing at all.

[Crowley]

Yeah.. hard to let her go I guess. She told me she wants me to move in with her over at her parents so I can save money. She seemed to want me close by but now not so much. Its all just very confusing.