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Thread: 5 Year relationship in trouble

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
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    5 Year relationship in trouble

    I have been dating this girl for 5 years and we are now both a month away from graduating from the same college. Now she is someone who tends to completely overreact to situations and gets tunnel vision about it. An example of this is that whether it be 3 months or 2 years in, whenever we would fight she would suggest a break, but one time I put this to the test and when things were good between us I said "I thought about what you said and think a break would be a good idea" and she broke down sobbing and refusing. But yeah she is someone of highs and lows and tends to overreact. This is what brings me to my current problem.

    She has always had a hyped of vision of college life (random hookups, grinding at clubs, etc) but it has always been something that has been outweighed by being in a relationship with me. This final year of college she met a bunch of guys whom she plays volleyball with. I have always been ok with her having guy friends so I didn't think much of it. However when they started all hanging out outside of vball, in a drinking setting, I started to get a bit worried because it would literally be 10 guys and just her.

    Now she wants a break for a week. I know she doesn't want to sleep with anyone and I know she isn't looking for a relationship. I also know that I am the one she wants to end up with, she simply says she wants some time to experience the "single" lifestyle and "get it out of her system" with her only intention being kissing and grinding. The problem is this has gotten so overblown from me talking with her about it that its probably pushed her further into wanting it yet I am convinced that it is only one of her "downs" and she will indeed get it out of her system and come back to me. (A similar situation happened right before we first started dating and needed to "get it out of her system" with a kid she had a crush on, since then up to now we have been great). I also feel like this has only been heightened because of her being constantly surrounded by guys this year (temptation) and this being her final month in college. So I don't see a similar issue coming up in the future. In light of all of this happening I feel like I am naturally overcompensating how much I love her because I now fear losing her, so I can't honestly see myself doing anything with anyone else on this break, I will be in agony.

    At this point I feel like I have 3 options, all with obvious drawbacks

    1. End it, clean break, no contact, done
    2. Agree to the 1 week break
    3. Try to force her to wait until summer when she is away from this environment and see if she feels the same

    I don't know what to do, I love her more than anything and I know she loves me (even though it's buried right now because of our arguments). The difference is if we break up I think I will feel the pain immediately but she wont until summer. We then will both look back and think it's stupid we lasted all thorough college to break up on the last month, but at the point it will be too late.

    I don't know......

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
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    Would you really want to stay with someone who spent a week drinking, kissing, grinding (possibly more) with a group of guys?

    You'll resent her for it if you manage to get back together.

    Do you believe if she did love you she'd do that to you? It's a huge slap in the face, completely disrespectful. I think you should say 'i'll make this decision easy for you. I'm leaving, you wouldn't do this to someone you love, therefore you don't love me, so i don't want to be with you'

    If she goes off with the guys then f#ck her off for good!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
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    Surrey, BC
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    15,542
    When someone asks for a break, it's a selfish way to keep you in the wings just in case things don't work out. She may not have intention of sleeping with some one as of yet, but she is obviously making sure that if the opportunity arises she know she is free to do so. In my mind, ditch the bitch. She has pretty much written off or at least thinks less of your relationship. Screw her and her bull s hit "let's go on a break".

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