Confusion 'n' Compromise

[maroon87]

Hey all, referring to my last post it has been a hard time for me in the past 2 months(if u have read it, u will understand this post). Anyway moving on to the problem now. Ive had quite a wild, problematic but painful past. Dated quite a bit, but faced alot of rejection cuz of my general insecurity. Turned to booze and drugs and the lure of nightlife for escapism, but for a year or so till now ive moved on from all that craze of bar-hopping discos and clubs, realizing ive never been that kinda guy, i preferred concerts and the outdoors though. Cuz back then i found happiness in the simple things. So im pretty much trying to move on from my terrible past. SO this is where my girlfriend comes in, around the time i was losing interest in clubbing. At first i thought i found someone just right to move on with, cuz she was always happy with the simple places too. But till now ive been rejecting invitations from my friends to go clubbing all the time, so they think its cuz im attached, but ive never been bothered by that always standing my ground. On the other hand, my girl rejects invitations from her girlfriends cuz according to her, she wants to spend that time to be with me, n prefers to meet friends outside a club where its easier to communicate without loud music. Take note: We're both 23, but she didnt have a past like mine and never had that much freedom from her parents even till now. But deep inside me, my heart is split into 2 and its killing me. Sometimes i feel its cuz of me and my anger(fears of her getting out of control, drunk, other guys) that she forgets her friends and the other side of me is my fear of her wanting to break free cuz she never had the freedom n having to be someone shes not. Just yesterday, she asked whether we should go for a mutual friends birthday in a club. At first i said yes and she was shocked. Then i said No today, cuz i didnt see a point to force myself to go. But now i feel terrible, since she hasnt clubbed for a year cuz of me. I just feel frustrated and worried that all she wants from these places is attention, which i dont need at all. Im so sick of this confusion......

[MerryH]

She hasn't gone clubbing for a year because either you'll get mad at her or you think she's trying to "break free" or get attention? You're kind of insecure and controlling, huh?

cuz i didnt see a point to force myself to go

You're also a little selfish, no? The point of forcing yourself to go is that maybe your girlfriend would enjoy being around friends. You're both going to wake up one day with no friends because you weren't there to celebrate important events with them, like birthdays.

[Agape]

doesn't sound like much a compromise. . . a compromise is a mutual solution that benefits both parties.

I realize you're insecure but don't allow that to ruin the relationship. . . if she wants to go, and you trust and respect her, then she should be able to go