I'm Going To Regurgitate This Here...

[lilly1185]

Since I posted it in my "Here Is a Fune One" thread, and it has almost no bearing on the original topic. This way, you guys here can help me figure out wtf is up:

I dunno, we'd already covered the topic of "Are you sure I'm not a rebound?"
My insecurity completely.

It's weird because we have tons of fun together,
common interests, video games, webcomics and all, even down to lolling at the same web-flash meme's and internet crazes.
We think alike, I was suspicious for a while he was hyping up his personality to match mine, but the same thoughts pop out of our mouths at the same time (frequently) that makes me think it's sort of not true.

Maybe my issue here is really this; I'm still worried I'm the rebound, and he's not aware that I am.
He says their break up was mutual (I try to avoid talking about past relationships, I really do), but that she'd cheated on him at a party (making out, no sex involved- got sort of edgy when I commented "bitches lie") and mentioned it still hurt him a little to talk about.
Then again, what break up is ever REALLY mutual?

He still has photos of her on his myspace (I never really thought about it, or cared much because it's myspace.)
He's got a corkboard in his kitchen with a photo of her on it (w/e maybe he doesn't look at it a lot)
*SIGH*

OK Mega-huge long post time; I recently moved back to Florida and stagnated for a month or two since I have no friends down here. Keep in mind I am a single mum. I happened to be on AIM one day when a screen name popped up I hadn't seen in years, being said guy so I im'd him. We went to highschool together but only talked since we worked on the same project in English.
So it's been a little over 5 years now since I've talked to him. They'd broken up a month, maybe 2 when we started talking and hanging out.
I go over to visit him, we talk.
I visit him the next night, we have fun, we have sex, we talk.

We don't have sex for a couple of weeks, I'm just trying to enjoy myself with him and he the same when we get around to the conversation of maybe making our one-time hook up a more exclusive relationship. He told me I was just too awesome (I'm hot + I like video games + I have a good sense of humour) to let slip through his fingers.
I'm *STILL* trying to decide if he was just lonely and trying to fill the void, or if he was horny and wanted to make a good thing last.

We don't see eachother everyday, but text. A LOT. Get on WOW a couple nights a week. He says he's not weirded out by my son (I have no way of gauging this). We can have honest, frank, discussions about politics and sex, mental issues, ect.
I just refuse to ask about past relationships. Even though I'm getting more and more worried about certain things. I don't want to appear jealous, obsessive or just a freak. Or clingy. Or any other number of weird things.
We mesh well, and sex is freaking out of this world.

In fact, we get a long great. I'm just worried that maybe he isn't ready for(or I don't know how to handle) a relationship.
So there.
Who cares to read THIS and weigh in?

[Primo]

No one goes into a relationship with the intention that it's going to be a rebound and intentionally hurt someone Lilly, so you have to use your best judgment. The tell tale things to look for are pics or mementos they still keep close to them, how often they’re brought up in conversation, if they're still 'friends'.

Keep in mind that these things may not even start to creep into the picture until you've already invested a month or two. By then of course it's too late and you're the rebound. Also keep in mind that the talk you'll hear about the ex will be what you think you want to hear (i.e. how they weren’t this or that). But the bottom line is that if someone has truly moved on, there's no talk, no reason to keep pictures around etc (unless kids are involved) …so if those things are occurring, they're red flags.

To be honest, there's no way to prevent it unless the signs are embarrassingly obvious. We've probably all rebounded and been rebounded at some point, so if it happens to you, try not to beat yourself up over it…it’s a hard thing to predict and prevent.

[lilly1185]

He doesn't bring her up. It comes up sometimes when we touch on exs, but the pictures being around are sort of irking me.

And how strange he gets sometimes when we touch on certain subjects. If I am the rebound, am I better off just walking away? I'd like to know what I ought to do now before I invest TOO much time into this and wind up getting hurt.

I guess it doesn't hurt to mention a few weeks IN to our dating he had tampons in his trunk, which he mentioned he'd bought for her because she'd called and asked him to (and that she only ever calls when she needs something). It wouldn't bother me,
but recently we've been spending less and less time together.

Once where I could come over and hang out with him til 2am (my son hits the sack at 9), he isn't able to see me with more and more frequency. I know he has to be up at 5a, but why suddenly not be able to spend an hour or two with me?

[Cbrider]

I'm a little confused here...

Your initial hookup was 5 years ago. Was that when he had pictures on his myspace and around the house, or is that stuff still around in the present?

[lilly1185]

I'm a little confused here...

Your initial hookup was 5 years ago. Was that when he had pictures on his myspace and around the house, or is that stuff still around in the present?

No apologies. We first met 6 years ago. Hook up was a month-ish ago. He NOW currently has pictures. He was with his ex for 5 years.

This is bothering me more than I realised I think.

[Primo]

Like I said, it's not something someone knowingly does to you, but it happens. People rarely fess up to being hung up on their ex when they're attempting to let it go and move on. Go with your gut instinct.

[Cbrider]

You put that stuff in a box and bury it in the bottom of your closet if you're insistent on keeping it.

Red flag. His intentions might be true, but his path is probably still shrouded. He was with her for 5 years, that wouldn't just be a quit is and forget it thing. I would hang back as a friend, but let stuff unfold before diving into it.

Give him time to sort it out, I guarantee you will see changes as he puts it all behind him for good. Those can be good or bad changes.

[IndiReloaded]

I don't see why rebounds can't convert to the real deal. Its really about one partner being emotionally invested in an ex. During the course of their next relationship, those feelings can die as they discover the wonderful person they are with.

I have no direct experience with this tho, so I could be wrong.

[lilly1185]

Red flag. His intentions might be true, but his path is probably still shrouded. He was with her for 5 years, that wouldn't just be a quit is and forget it thing. I would hang back as a friend, but let stuff unfold before diving into it.

Give him time to sort it out, I guarantee you will see changes as he puts it all behind him for good. Those can be good or bad changes.

I get that five years isn't something you can pitch easily. I guess I just made a mistake in taking it to heart when he said "feelings were dead long before the relationship was over"?

About a week ago I suggested breaking it off for a little while and he was insistent he didn't want that. But if he's still working stuff out, would that mean he's trying to make sure I hang around while he works stuff out so he doesn't lose me unintentionally?
I've also gotten the "I wouldn't go back with my ex if she called me crying,"
(It was an answer to a question I'd asked...) does that seem like over kill?

I don't see why rebounds can't convert to the real deal. Its really about one partner being emotionally invested in an ex. During the course of their next relationship, those feelings can die as they discover the wonderful person they are with.

I have no direct experience with this tho, so I could be wrong.

I don't really want him missing her while I'm sucking his cock, though.

[Cbrider]

I don't really want him missing her while I'm sucking his cock, though.

Then do it better.

Honestly, he's telling you the right things, you have to decipher if he's speaking from the heart or not. Often times you wont really know until oppotunity rears its head and he shoots it down.

[lilly1185]

Then do it better.

Honestly, he's telling you the right things, you have to decipher if he's speaking from the heart or not. Often times you wont really know until oppotunity rears its head and he shoots it down.

Hey! I'm damn good at what I do! I just know how the heart tends to screw with the brain in moments of passion.

Not sure what you mean when you say "telling you the right things"? Like, what I want to hear so I stick around?

[Primo]

I don't see why rebounds can't convert to the real deal. Its really about one partner being emotionally invested in an ex. During the course of their next relationship, those feelings can die as they discover the wonderful person they are with.

I have no direct experience with this tho, so I could be wrong.

They can, like I said there's no real way to predict or prevent if you're going to be someone's rebound other than looking for the obvious signs. Just have to use your hopefully 'good' judgment.

The problem is sometimes when things are going really well for the new half, they tend to throw good judgment out the window and overlook the red flags or ignore them all together.

[lilly1185]

See, I'm not sure though if what I would be using judgment wise could be perceived as "good" or "over analytical".

I'm never sure if I'm looking for a reason to be upset, or if they are really legitimate flags.

[IndiReloaded]

What? Sounds to me you need to know your own mind. Don't you know what boundaries are/n't acceptable to you?

If you think you are overreacting, or you can imagine someone else responding differently, chances are you are.

[lilly1185]

I'm pretty good at over reacting, but I'm also good at ignoring something because I'm afraid of over-reacting that I should have brought up earlier.

Eg; When my son's father and I were dating, he would borrow my car to go visit his mom, friends, ect. at like 11 pm. I *knew* he was going to see his ex and her son but never said anything in case I was wrong. I *still* know he's lying to me when he says they never slept together, that he was going to see his son, but 1 year olds don't (or shouldn't...) stay up until 4 am.