Was I wrong to flip out on my BF?

[Courtneyleighhh]

Alright. So a little background on us. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2+ years. We live together and usually things are great. I have some issue with his ex. She can't seem to stay out of his life. We've had several fights over this before. I've found texts/phone calls between the two and although I know they haven't met up together behind my back, I'm afraid that he might still have feelings for her. I have expressed how much it really bothers me that he is still in contact with her and told him he needs to stop.

SO. A day or two ago, he went home for the holidays (we live about 6 hours away from the town we grew up in). I drove in last night. I had plans to stay with my parents, but last minute they weren't home, so I decided to make my way over to his house for the night. His parents were also out of town, so he had the house to himself. I pull up and let myself in. He had a few friends over drinking some beer and BBQ-ing, no big deal, BUT his ex girlfriend is also there. I couldn't believe it. I told him we're over and I don't want to talk to him anymore. I haven't talked to him since.

I'm most pissed at the fact that I've TOLD him how much it hurts that he's still in contact with her. Talking to her is one thing, but meeting up with her without me knowing? They weren't doing anything, but come on, inviting her over to drink when he has the house to himself? Am I overreacting?

[dickriculous]

The only reason I would ever invite an ex over to a house I have to myself for drinks is to fukk her. Not saying it's always the case with every guy but it's a good bet.

Even if you think you can trust your bf, it's pretty clear that the ex is trying to get back with him and there's little doubt that he is aware...yet he's letting her hang around anyway...I mean...kind of hard to deny the shadiness there.

Bottom line is that actions dictate perceived trustworthiness. He isn't taking trustworthy actions. Whatever his true intentions are you had every reason to walk away.

[Starnique]

Yes, you had every right to flip out. He obviously doesn't care about your feelings. You told him several times that it bothers you and you have every reason for it to bother you. Then, he went behind your back and invited her. As Dick said, its not every case where there is going to be some sexing going on, but more then likely they were going to have sex afterwards. Even if they wasn't, treat him like they did do it because it could've happened under the right circumstances. Whose to say it didn't happen? He disrespected you on so many levels and you shouldn't take him back. He needs to stay with her ass since its so important for him to stay in contact with her and that it is apparently more important then your feelings.

[Wakeup]

I agree: he knew how you felt about it but he's not shutting her down so I think you've looked after your own best interests by dumping him and then eventually being able to find someone who isn't still sniffing after their ex's ass.

I have one question though. You said you told him that you didn't like him hanging/chatting with her still. What was his response when you told him you didn't want him doing it anymore? Did he tell you he'd stop did you just assume since you told him you didn't like it that he would?

[Courtneyleighhh]

I have one question though. You said you told him that you didn't like him hanging/chatting with her still. What was his response when you told him you didn't want him doing it anymore? Did he tell you he'd stop did you just assume since you told him you didn't like it that he would?

Yes, he agreed to stop talking to her. And he has tried to hide contact with her before.

[Starnique]

He's hiding it, so therefore there is guilty intentions here. Why else would he hide it?

What has he said to you after all of this went down? What is he saying and is he trying to get back with you?

[Wakeup]

Well, then his actions indicate that you've dodged a bullet. He's a liar and he's a sneak and more likely then not, he's a cheater or at least the chances are he's headed that way are large. Yes, you did the right thing.

Time to go zero contact so that you can heal and quickly get to the stage of indifference to him. Find someone who is at the stage of being ready to be in a new relationship and (like you're going to do) never, ever speaks to their asshole ex.

[dickriculous]

Yes, he agreed to stop talking to her. And he has tried to hide contact with her before.

In that case I retract everything I said above. He's DEFINITELY been ****ing her.

[searock]

Yes, he agreed to stop talking to her. And he has tried to hide contact with her before.

So he lied to you. More than once. You have every right to be angry and you definitely should break up with him for good.

[michelle23]

Yes you did the right thing and in my opinion you should have dumped him ages ago. My bfs ex popped up once or twice in the beginning of our relationship. She text him twice saying she still loves him and emailed him once. He told her to get the f**k outa his life. Then he blocked her and changed his number.

Your bf has no intention of getting rid of this b**ch and I think hes a cheat so move on with your life and dont look back

[smackie9]

Tip: don't date guys that still talk to their ex....there simple.

[mwtzzz]

Am I overreacting?

No, you're not overreacting. It's way uncool. And it's also a bit suspicious. I think it's at the point where you need to make an ultimatum.

[4 ratties]

He's an asshole and should burn in hell.

[searock]

He's an asshole and should burn in hell.

That escalated quickly...

[isolde.darling]

You're not overreacting. The mere fact that he cares more about staying in contact with her than your feelings and is risking his relationship with you by doing so is already a big red flag. Also, it is quite obvious that he values her more than he values you because he doesn't care if you get hurt but he is obviously still so concerned about how his ex would feel if he cuts off contact with her.

You did the right thing. Walk away and don't look back.