Ok...first off, let me just get this out of the way.
I was a dog and left the most perfect woman in the world. She was giving, caring, a great mom, a loyal and faithful wife...and she would never leave me.
The one thing she wasn't...a tiger in bed.
I married my ex wife when we were both 20. She was pregnant with my now college aged son. We started out with 4 months to really get to know each other, forced together quickly before the screaming and crying of a new baby came into the home. We were young...we were alone...and it was hard. Eventually, we started getting things going, and moved into a house where we then had another baby. My now 15 year old daughter. Then, a few years later, we built our "dream" home, and another son was born.
My wife worked this whole time...and it was hard on her, but she did it. She was working full time, and still taking care of our kids with every extra second. She cleaned the home, she kept the kids clean, and made our house a home.
She was not the kind of woman to show feelings...and eventually, between not being a sexual tiger, and being non-emotional...it was VERY easy for a woman to tempt me with having an affair.
I had one affair for about 2 weeks...and ended that. Then, I didn't do anything for a couple of years...eventually, I started noticing other women...and I probably had 6 or 7 affairs. My ex wife knew about a few of them...and she tells me now, that she didn't care at that time, because I was coming home to her, and loving her. She knew that she couldn't give me the sex that I wanted, so she just figured I would get it from somewhere else.
WOW...we both were SCREWED UP!
After a while, I thought that SEX=LOVE. Of course now being 40 years old, I know that SEX=LUST. It was a scary road I went down, and eventually I left my ex wife after 10 years of marriage to follow after my now current wife. Yes, my wife is an animal in bed, and she is emotional...TOO emotional. Pissed 1/2 the time and crying the other 1/2. I can't do anything right. I have been WITH her for 8 years...married for 4.
I do believe God used this time in my life, to show me what a complete and total JERK I am, and that I need to grow up. I have been "through the ringer" as some people might say. I know what love is, and it truly isn't about sex. Yes, sex is PART of a relationship, but not about loving someone.
I remember standing in front of her and her family saying "I DO" and thinking, "I MOST CERTAINLY DO NOT!". I still did it. Be it the pressure from friends and family, or just the fact that I felt like I couldn't turn back at this point.
6 months into the relationship, it was fight, after fight, after fight. So, to fix it...Hey sweetie (her words)...let's have a BABY! That will make us ALL Better, and we will be a BIG HAPPY FAMILY!
OH MY GOODNESS. Yes, 10 months later, my now 3 year old son is in the world.
So, to sum up. I am married to a woman that is controlling, manipulative, and angry. She loves my son more than me, and puts him first ALWAYS. At night, she goes to the bedroom, I go to the front room. She falls asleep, I come in and get into bed. Sex? Oh about once a month...and then if I beg. I have a WONDERFUL son with her...but, really...it is the ONLY thing I have in common.
Then, my ex wife...who I see at least 2 or 3 times a week, because of my other 3 kids...is just PERFECT! I look at her and she is amazing. She tells me she loves me...that she would like to be a family again.
What would you all do?
Well...let me give you one MORE piece of the pie. My ex wife has been single for 8 years. She was waiting for me to come back to her. After 6 years, she started giving up, and began dating. She has had a couple of serious boyfriends...but now she is in a PRETTY serious relationship, that she has been in for 9 months. She tells me she isn't sure what she wants...but for me to wait and be patient...that she needs to see this thing through with him, before she can do anything with me.
This is where I am lost.
Would you wait and stay with the wife? Would you leave the wife and wait? Should I even WANT to be with the ex wife? Should I be busting my butt to make it work with my wife right now and just forget about the ex?
I can't figure out what I should do. What I DO know, is that I am VERY much in love with my ex wife. I have NEVER felt this way before, about anyone...and this feeling hasn't changed in about a year (except maybe growing more). I also know what it is to love now...that it is about that "comfortable" kind of love...where two people SHARE their lives. It is about giving 100%, and not expecting anything in return. Where did I learn this? From watching my ex wife for 10 years.
My ex and I would be perfect together...
But, should I just give up on the dream of being with her, and SOMEHOW make myself fall in love with my current wife...that I almost positive is NOT where I belong?
Does anyone have some good advice for me?