My girlfriend of almost 3 years broke up with me last week and I need some advice. She said she knows she's doing the right thing and that in the long run, it will pay off. She says I deserve the best and that's what I'm going to get, without her. She for some reason thinks she's highly undeserving of me. Towards the end of our relationship she started going over to a friend of her's house A LOT, and she told me recently that she was trying to distance herself from me before she broke up with me so it would hurt less (that didn't help me at all). She was trying to practice living without me because she knew she was going to break up with me, she knew she had to but didn't know when. She says she's been depressed for the last 3 months. She hasn't been able to sleep and has been having to take pills and drink cough syrup to knock herself out. She hasn't been eating because she feels like puking all the time. She can't stand hurting me. She never told me any of this until after she broke up with me because she thought I would have been angry with her and hurt. She believes she's unfixable and will never in a million years be good enough for me, so it has to be like this. She thinks she has a lot of problems. She says she's always known that. The fact she's been doing drugs and that she kissed a guy should show me that (according to her). She says she's overly jealous, possessive, irritable, etc. We're going to see each other to talk on Saturday, and she said she doesn't intend on getting back together. She just wants to talk and be friends, she at least needs that. She believes she's doing the right thing, and is not going to let me waste away with her, because I can and will do better and she isn't going to let me miss out on a chance of happiness for her. We can't get back together and she'd rather die alone that have me be stuck with her. She said I was a great boyfriend, there were little quirks, but I was great and she's the one with the problems. She said I "obeyed" everything she commanded of me. I was always trying to be nice and trying to please her, but she's an unpleasable person. Her mind is made up, we can't get back together and she doesn't want me getting my hopes up. She told me she did drugs a few time throughout our relationship, she slipped up on cocaine in June or July of 2007, and did it again after I got stoned in November of the same year. She took an ecstasy pill she took from her friend and she believes she has a problem. After we lost our virginity to one another I guess I didn't talk to her for a couple of days and she got piss drunk for a few nights. She thinks she's a hypocrite. She never wanted to tell me any of that because she was afraid I'd go out and do the same thing to get even. She says that isn't her only flaw and she's been trying to keep herself from doing stupid shit. She said she's been doing good and hasn't done anything since the 15th (she sent me all these texts on the 22nd) but talking about it is making it worse. She thinks she's not good for me and that she can't be fixed. She doesn't want to be fixed, she's a liar, and she hates herself, ad she doesn't want me to want her anymore. She wants me to move on and be happy. She can't look at herself in the mirror anymore because she hates herself and wants me to hate her too. She wants me to do whatever I need to do to hate her. She then changed her mind and said she doesn't want me to hate her, she wants to be friends but if it will make me not want her anymore, she has a lot of things to say (she never said them). She claims I was a perfect boyfriend and that I'm going to make someone very happy someday. She's sorry it came to this and that she sucks so much. She doesn't think I could have helped because she can't be helped. She has too many problems. I can't fix her, we can't be together, she doesn't want me getting my hopes up.
Okay, I know that's extremely long. It's about 47 text messages she sent to me on Monday. I need to know what to do. To me it sounds like she's clinically depressed. I really don't think she's doing the right thing, because this is driving me insane. Everything I do reminds me of her. I can't listen to any music at all because it will somehow remind me of her. I think that if she would have told me about her doing drugs, being depressed, etc I could have helped her but I think she's convinced herself she can't be fixed. I know we can fix things if we try. I know I wasn't a perfect boyfriend and some things I did most likely contributed to the break up too. I'm madly in love with this girl and I need her back. I don't want or need anyone else, she's who I want and need. I need to know how to properly let her know that, without sounding obsessed or crazy. So please, someone give me some advice.