"Common Interests"

[WoodenPerch]

How important is common interests important in a relationship to you? I ask this because my boyfriend and I are going through a rough patch, where he doesn't feel we're as compatible as can be. This is because he can't talk to me about certain TV programmes, or films, or quote things to me, like he does with his other friends. This never really proved such a problem, as we used to talk about random things, like Uni and college and music (we both like the same type of music) and the "deep" philosophical things. But this has come up, and it seems we don't have things to talk about. I told him I want to make the effort to get into his interests, and will watch what he wants with him whenever I see him.

One problem is that we have a long distance relationship. I attend University, and usually we can see each other every week or fortnight for a few days. However, I've been home for Christmas and haven't seen him for a few weeks, and it'll be a month when I see him next (next Friday). It's quite hard on us at times. The other problem is that I have very high anxiety, which I suffered from last year with him, and I'm going through it again, and I've been put on antidepressants.

I don't know whether these two things are contributing to the problem, but I'm finding it hard to talk to him. Either I am really anxious and almost afraid to talk, or we need new topics. Usually though, we can talk for hours about random things but it seems to be diminishing. I want to get the spark back, and get back to the way things were, but I don't know how.

[vashti]

Once the spark is gone, it's gone. This is when most relationships that weren't "meant to be" fall apart.

It sounds like you are both moving in different directions, my friend. This is common at your age.

Don't do anything you will be embarrassed about later.

[IndiReloaded]

I told him I want to make the effort to get into his interests, and will watch what he wants with him whenever I see him.

This^ is a problem. Why are you contorting yourself to please this guy? Aren't you busy with your own interests? School?

I agree with Vash. Perhaps you two just aren't compatible?

Love the screen name, btw.

[carl1222]

This^ is a problem. Why are you contorting yourself to please this guy? Aren't you busy with your own interests? School?

I agree with Vash. Perhaps you two just aren't compatible?

Love the screen name, btw.

I don't agree, Indi. I don't believe that trying to do the work to try to develop an interest in what your partner is interested in is "contorting yourself."

I think the goal of every relationship should be to make you both better than each of you would be alone. Being open to each others' interests is a major part of that.

Carl.

[IndiReloaded]

She said she "will watch watch he wants whenever I'm with him".

What about what SHE wants? I'm not reading any reciprocity here, Carl. If she means that he can sit and watch sports all weekend and be bored and bring him beer to keep the peace, that's not right.

If you mean a couple should share some common interests, yes. But that is not what she said.

[lastwish]

Its important to have SOME common interest. But its even more important to be interested in your partner. For example, if I find my partner fascinating then even if I don't usually like the type of film he likes, I would be interested in finding out why exactly he likes that that type of film and watch some myself. Or even if I don't want to explore those films and absolutely hate that genre, if the attraction is still there, there would still be a strong feeling of intrigue.