am i wrong to compare?

[haz4ever]

hi guys, i have a question to ask. am i wrong to compare with my last relationship? my last relationship no matter how bad it end, i will never forget the feeling of how much do i love that girl. after we breakup, i tried to date a one or two girls, but none of them seem to be able to give me the feeling that i hv for my ex. am i wrong to compare the current with the past? as i fear, in the past, i love because i love her and now i might be in love because i love to love.

[CocoChanel]

Yes you are wrong to compare. If you are not over your ex you need to wabble in your misery ALONE. Don't bring an innocent female into your mess.

[haz4ever]

i think u might get me wrongly. i mean, it is a wrong to compare the feeling of ur past toward a girl with the current feeling toward another girl. i mean while i hv let it go with my ex but the feeling is just different with other girl. it is normal or ...?

[purple]

Yes, it's wrong to compare. But I think everyone does it. No one is perfect. Focus on the best qualities of your current relationship and how that makes you happy- the past is the past.

[busybee83]

Don't let those who would be judgmental sway you. Comparison is inevitable, it is called learning.
The problem arises when you are too particular in your comparisons. If you have experienced true openness and trust with someone, it is only normal that you would seek that same kind of thing again. The bar has been set pretty high. I know how you feel.
Do not feel guilty about looking for someone as good or better than your ex. Just don't let yourself get too hung up on that relationship that has ended. Try to focus more on the aspects of it that made you feel accepted and at home. This is what you are looking for, no?

[Aeradalia]

Just don't let yourself get too hung up on that relationship that has ended.

Busybee... I think you've answered your own question too...

[alovehangoverr]

It can be a negative thing to compare relationship, but it's also fairly normal to recall things you felt/did in the past to what you're feeling/doing now.

However, if these comparisons are leading to the demise of your current relationships, then there's a good chance you're not as over it as you claim to be.

[lahnnabell]

I think you need to see this situation for what it is. You've attempted to date and move on from your ex. That's honest and understandable. HOWEVER, it is clear that you're still hung up on her.

I think what might be a good thing to do now is to look at why your relationship with her ended and why did it end badly. This means you don't involve any other girls or women in your life until you're on the road to recovery from this ex that affected you so deeply.

Learning from relationships is how we grow and develop as people. Not just romantic ones, but our friends, coworkers and families. You've taken the first step in being honest with yourself about how you feel. Now it's time to learn from that.

[carl1222]

i think u might get me wrongly. i mean, it is a wrong to compare the feeling of ur past toward a girl with the current feeling toward another girl. i mean while i hv let it go with my ex but the feeling is just different with other girl. it is normal or ...?

I think everyone is missing OP's question. He's not talking about comparing relationships, he's talking about comparing the feelings, spark, infatuation and chemistry he felt for his ex with the relative lack of those feelings he has for the girls he's met since.

The level of attraction you have will vary from girl to girl. If it's too little, then a romantic relationship is impossible. If it's really strong as it apparently was toward your ex, that's great ... but it still doesn't mean the relationship is a good idea.

Instead of comparing what you felt for your ex, examine your feelings for the new girls you are interested in ... are you attracted to them? It will be every hard for you to feel as intensely about a new girl because your feelings for your ex get in the way. The infatuation will come later as she replaces your ex in your heart.

Carl.

[lahnnabell]

Good point, Carl. Thanks!

[CocoChanel]

Maybe you guys missed the point where he's speaking in the present.

hi guys, i have a question to ask. am i wrong to compare with my last relationship?

i will never forget the feeling of how much do i love that girl.

He didn't say... how much I DID love that girl.

after we breakup, i tried to date a one or two girls, but none of them seem to be able to give me the feeling that i hv for my ex.

he didn't say... the feeling that he HAD for his ex.

am i wrong to compare the current with the past?

He is saying that he still has feelings for her and then contradicts it by saying that is of the past. Which one is it?

[GuyWhoDoesStuff]

Maybe you guys missed the point where he's speaking in the present.



He didn't say... how much I DID love that girl.


he didn't say... the feeling that he HAD for his ex.



He is saying that he still has feelings for her and then contradicts it by saying that is of the past. Which one is it?

Might be a trouble with the language and tenses since he's from Poland. Otherwise he's got bigger fish to fry here.

[CocoChanel]

ROFL! Okay that explains it. We'll see when he responds maybe he can clarify because it definitely seems as if he is still in love with his ex.

[haz4ever]

Maybe you guys missed the point where he's speaking in the present.



He didn't say... how much I DID love that girl.


he didn't say... the feeling that he HAD for his ex.



He is saying that he still has feelings for her and then contradicts it by saying that is of the past. Which one is it?

Sorry guys for the late reply, went for a long holiday trip to relax. And yes CoCoChanel, I think I have miss out these two sentence in my original post which result my post to have multiply way of looking at it. So I think this will clarifiy the doubts. So sorry about that.

am i wrong to compare the current with the past?

To clarify this sentence, am i wrong to compare the current feeling with the current girl than the past feeling with my ex?

To All Others: Thanks alot for your advise. Appreciated!

[Gigabitch]

No, I don't think it's so wrong. Your ex is the standard by which all subsequent girls shall be judged. You know what you're capable of feeling, and if you don't feel it for the new one that should be an indication that you shouldn't overcommit yourself to her, lest you disappoint her completely.

I think it would be impossible not to compare your feelings for your ex to your current girlfriend.