what is wrong with me?

[spongebob6286]

why is it up to now I still don't have a boyfriend? I'm now in legal age to have one. nobody dared to court me.were they intimidated?I was one of the smarty pants way back in high school & college.I'm in the stage of intimacy vs. isolation.
I'm not that pretty but I'm not definitely an ugly betty,I also think I have a bubbly personality.. but again why I'm still single & unhappy. :'(

[blues414]

you haven't found the right one yet, and that is completely fine. there is absolutely nothing wrong with being single. if anything, enjoy it! because being in love is a crazy rollercoaster. you have your whole life to be in love, try to have some fun now! and if you really would like to meet someone, why not try something like eharmony.com and those types of things? or go to places where you know a lot of guys hang out. i.e. church, school, the gym

[Illusional]

maybe it's because "you" don't try to get into a relationship. don't expect everything to fall into your lap because you're legal now, or because you're at a certain stage of your life.

yeah i took famr too, with all those different stages of life. there is so much more, that you should open your eyes and look around. you're in college now, and there is so much roaming dick for you to have, you just gotta reach out and grab one.

raverboy

[vashti]

You probably need to learn how to flirt a little better. Male will generally only approach females who are approachable. You have to smile at them, make eye contact, look friendly, laugh at their stupid jokes, etc.

How well do you flirt?

[Illusional]

or you can go the easy way. go to a party, get all wasted and start hitting on guys. eventually you'll get lucky and find some horny bastard whose willing to have sex with you.

raverboy

[misombra]

it's okay. i didn't have any real boyfriend until i was 25.

[alexanderberson]

Dont feel down like that. It takes time to find the right person. Finding just anyone is too easy. Finding the right person is a challenge that anyone can overcome in time!

[GrkScorp]

why is it up to now I still don't have a boyfriend? I'm now in legal age to have one. nobody dared to court me.were they intimidated?I was one of the smarty pants way back in high school & college.I'm in the stage of intimacy vs. isolation.
I'm not that pretty but I'm not definitely an ugly betty,I also think I have a bubbly personality.. but again why I'm still single & unhappy. :'(

First of all, after looking at your other posts, it's pretty clear that you're not entierly certain what guys want and what they're looking for in a girl.. but more than that, beyond that, you're not sure if YOU are the type of girl guys want.. and it would also seem that you lack the validation in your life and past experience to afford you some degree of certainty that you are in fact someone some guys would be interested in.. Now, don't take what i'm about to say the wrong way, because i'm not going to lie, it's rough advice, not that rough really, but still a bit rough, so I took the time to spell out the logical pattern before I went directly into it, but, you're not entirely aware and comfortable with who you are.. there's a word for that, "insecure".. yeah, it's a pretty nasty and ugly word..

Why is this important? How does it apply to you? Well..

- The more insecure you are about yourself, the more you fear rejection, because rejection is in fact "negative" validation, giving you the feeling that you're NOT someone attractive or desireable to others, and that's exactly what you can't handle feeling.. so you try your very best to prevent this situation from taking place, you don't want to take that risk of rejection..

So what do you do when you're out, or when guys come? (This is totally unconscious by the way, and you'll start to notice this after you're done reading this post, or maybe even as you're reading this post you can remember some times where this was you, but you'll definitely notice it from now on when you're around people)

- Guy is around you, and you lock-up, you freeze, you're nervous, you have no idea what to do, but you do nothing, absolutely nothing, you sit there, waiting, waiting for him to come over, waiting for him to think to himself "eenie meenie minie moe.. HER, let's go over and talk to her", and so, you keep waiting, and waiting, and slowly realizing that nobody is comming up and talking to you, because in fact the situation is more complex, but if you notice, the more you wait and do "nothing", the more your "nothing/nobody talked to me" result acts as "negative" validation.. Would you look at that! In trying to prevent and not take the risk of "negative" validation, you've actually forced "negative" validation onto yourself..

A word on that risk:

- If you open up, and talk to others, you will get a couple of guys who will talk back, and find you interesting, or you may get a couple of guys who will talk back and REALLY find you interesting, so much so that they will take control and lead the interaction from that point and want to date you eventually..
- If you never open up, and sit there waiting, doing nothing.. then you will ALWAYS get "negative" validation..

The choice of what you want to do for yourself, is something you have to choose and pick on your own, the choice is entierly your own to make.. but before you choose what you want to do from now on, a word on "how" to be more open..

- I have plenty of girl-friends (not to be confused with "girlfriends"), and the queen-bee of them all is my friend Maria.. her friends ask her all the time what to do with guys.. and the advice she gives is priceless.. "Just be open, and friendly, and smile a lot, and look at them until they see you looking at them, and just go up and dance, or stand around them, not too close but not too far away"

Her advice is great, but it's too vague, and doesn't exactly go into the "how or what"..

1. Eye-contact: Is your best friend.. Before you go out of your house, say that to yourself as many times as you want "Eye-contact is your best friend".. And when we talk about eye contact, we're not talking about girly-catty eye-contact which is nothing more than (look at him, oh he looked at me! quick! turn away and don't look at him, I don't want him to think i'm interested).. Nice job, you couldn't be more counter-productive and self-defeating if you tried.. Don't do this by the way.. When we talk about eye-contact, and why it's your best friend, we're talking about long eye-contact, a clear message that you're interested in him and want him to come over and talk to you (why are you reading this and thinking "oh no" to yourself? this is what you want isn't it? and it's not like you're telling him you love him, only that you want him to come over and talk, through your eyes).. The way to do it, is hold and maintain eye-contact with him for (4-5) seconds.. (that's how long it takes for the male brain to register that "I THINK that girl over there was looking at me").. don't STARE! Just maintain soft, warm, friendly, and natural eye-contact coupled with a natural and warm smile for 4-5 seconds..

2. Energy: When we talk about being friendly, happy, smiling, open, etc.. we're talking about your energy level.. There's a reason extroverted girls who go up and dance more, move more, are more jumpy and up-beat, talk more, laugh more, etc.. Get more guys.. The "cold-frigid b*tch" or the "little quiet virgin girl prune" never come anywhere close to that level of male attention.. And it all has to do with "Green-Lights".. When a guy's eyes are scanning the room, there are so many girls there, all he has to really do is just sit there and enjoy the eye-candy, because to him, there are no green-lights, there is no "pass-go".. But let his eye catch on to a girl who is relaxed, looks comfortable and friendly, nice (meaning she looks like she won't be mean if he goes over and talks to her), is up-beat, talkative, and energetic; that puts her on his radar, and give him enough green-lights to go over and talk to her (because it reduces the perceived risk he's taking from his point of view)

Notice, your best friend! (eye-contact).. The strategy is simple.. you go out.. You establish and create enough energy for yourself, putting you on a guy's radar and lowering his perceived risk of comming over and talking to you, AND to seal the deal, you make that 4-5 second eye contact (it doesn't need to be more than twice; don't be discouraged if they might not hold it the first time)

Best,

GrkScorp

[Mish]

but again why I'm still single & unhappy. :'(

Maybe because you need to first become Single and Happy? Why not be single and happy? Think on the bright side, no responsibilities and commitments to anyone, no emotional dramas, no heart aches, no arguments, don't need to apologize to anyone for anything, you're free and can do whatever you want. There will come a time when all of this will be taken away from you, so why not be happy with all that you've got?

Be happy now. You'll find that happiness attracts. Opportunities come looking for you when you're happy, outgoing and in peace with yourself, your life and your place in the world.

Think about it

[Tedel]

smarty pants?

Just start by giving signals that you are available. They will drop lies flies with a generous (yet not absolute) low cut t-shirt. Build from there.

[Ekips]

Have you asked people out?

Oh hey? Wait some more then.

How about you freaking go out there and stop waiting on your ass to get "courted"? What are you in, 1800s?

Seriously.