crazy situation

[confused1000]

hi, i need some advice on a particular situation. i went out with a girl for 4 years. due to employment we both moved to a different province (we were broken up when we moved). we ended up living together as flatmates. i really want to get back with this girl and have told her so but she doesnt seem to think it is a good idea. we have heaps of fun together but it is hard living with someone who you love but they say they dont want to be with you. she still buys me little gifts and things for special occasions and sometimes just out of the blue for no reason at all. we broke up about 6 months ago. is it normal to break up with someone and then move in with them. i still had feelings when i did it but thought i could handle it. do you think she still has feelings for me and for some reason is scared to get back together.

advice would be good. thanks

[earlydecember]

If breaking up last time was difficult after four years then maybe she's scared she'll get hurt again! The fact that your living with her after a break up probably dosn't help your situation because soon it could all boil over and someone could end up real hurt!! I would talk to her about how you feel and she feels, if your honest with her it'll be fine!

[sfalexi]

is it normal to break up with someone and then move in with them.

In a word . . . "No"

i still had feelings when i did it but thought i could handle it. do you think she still has feelings for me and for some reason is scared to get back together.

That's the thing with feelings. You can't "control" them. You can make sure you don't show your feelings, or hide them, but you can't control what you feel and what you don't. The only way to stop feelings of any kind is to go to the SOURCE of your feelings and stop that. For instance, you get scared whenever you see the bully on the playground, you avoid the bully. Or you go to the bully and become friends so you no longer HAVE to be scared. In your case, you have feelings for her. So you either have to find a way to not deal with her (which would mean one of you moving out and no contact for a while), or you have to talk to her and find out how she feels. Right now those feelings are there, and there is uncertainty as to how she feels. You have to be the man and take the first step in finding out what/how she feels.

Alexi

[PandaCivic]

you're pretty much screwed homie! but since you live together, i'm assuming you're stuck in that situation until something comes up. the best thing you can do is to avoid her during times of depression or need. just treat her like she's a big fat drunk that you happen to live with. kinda like an obnoxious roommate. this way you won't show your feelings towards her because that's something you don't want to do at this time. if she wants to be with you, she will let you know. you might want to be with her but don't show it until the time is right.

[Ironliftr3]

Go find somebody else to get with. Or better yet, SEVERAL somebody elses.

[Pretender]

It's definetly possible she still wants to get with you but maybe there is too much history between you two and she thinks it better to just be friends. She could be worried about being hurt for some reason and if that's the case she may never be able to give her heart to you fully ever again. It's just something you have to accept if that is the case.

You're always going to have feelings for her and the best thing to do is find someone else or break off all contact intil you are dating someone else so you wont have the thoughts of getting with her all the time (but since you are living together, it makes the situation extremely difficult). Time heals all (so they tell me).