I will try and make this as short as I can.
Met a girl 2-1/2 years ago. Relationship started off with a bang but in the process I became clingy/needy. She broke it off after a year and started dating someone else. Didn't see her for 6 months then all the sudden she is back in my life. I let her move in with me. We dated a whole 30 days before I could not contain myself and asked "where are we in this relationship?" She said friends. I didn't want that. She broke it off but I let her stay until she could find her own place. Two months later my mom dies. I go home to the funeral and come back she is dating another guy. The same guy she's been with for the past 7 months. I booted her from the house as this guy had the audacity to pick her up from my house!
Fast forward 5 months later. I broke no contact with her because a friend committed suicide. She agreed to meet me for lunch and we started talking on and off.
Of course, I am an idiot. After hanging out with her for a few months my feelings for her came back stronger than ever. I told her at a lunch that I still loved her and that being friends was hard.
During the whole time she is still seeing the other guy and basically living with him. When I asked if she loved him she said "I'm not sure what love is anymore because the only thing that has ever hurt me in my life is love." She spends all her free time with him and I know they get along well. The only issue is she is a Christian (yes I know, living and having sex with a guy is hypocritical) and the guy she is dating is not really spiritual. She wants to be a with a "spritual giant" according to her own words. He goes to Church with her but in my opinion I think he does it to keep her happy, not because he's deeply spiritual. He's a Marine and a grunt at that. It's his job to KILL people.
After that conversation about being friends I recalled the one deep regret I had with her. That's proposing last year but not having a ring. She mentioned one time that she didn't think I was serious because I didn't have a ring. Ok, you can guess what is coming. I bought an engagement ring, invited her to lunch, waited till lunch was over then got on one knee and proposed. It was magical, everything I believe a woman would dream about. Initially she tried to stop me but let me proceed.
When I handed her the ring I said "Don't answer now, take at least two weeks to think it over." As we parted she said she gave her best poker face (she didn't cry but sure looked like she wanted to.)
Fast forward exactly a month later. She made no attempts to contact me. Nothing. I sent her a light email just shooting the breeze and asking her if she had time for lunch. 4 days later she peeks at my web page. Still no reply. 10 days later I send her another email making fun of her not replying saying it's weird for her to pass up indian for lunch. I then mentioned that I wasn't asking her to lunch to pressure her about the ring, just to shoot the breeze.
She answers back saying she's been sick, dizzy, stressed and emotional....and that "Right now, I just need some space."
That was as of last Thursday and I am at a loss here. Yes, I brought all of this upon myself fully aware that she is dating someone else. Someone she isn't completely sure about. She has told me she loves me but isn't sure she is in love with me. That she knows I would make a great huband and I have a lot, if not all, of the qualities in a husband she is seeking.
On one hand I am in the dark here. She is not telling me anything. She has had several chances to return the ring (while her b/f was gone training). I gave her a couple invitations to lunch (to see if she might want to return the ring).
On the other hand I told her to take as much time as she needed and that she is doing.
So here's the situation. If I email her asking for answers that will be perceived as putting pressure on her (which she hates and will push her away) as well as not respecting her space.
I really just want to know if she is seriously considering my proposal or if she is just afraid to tell me no. I am the first man to ever propose to her with ring in hand.
What do I do? If I ask, I will pressure her and break the space she needs (and of course look desperate and needy).
If I don't get some idea of what she is thinking I fear I will lose it. I can't stand being left in the dark with no answers.
Please help. What is the best course of action. I don't want to push her away but at the same time my own health (mental and physical) is suffering.
If I just knew that she was seriously considering the proposal it would make the waiting easier and give me some peace of mind.
Complicated, I know. Anyone care to give their advice? (and yes, I am going to see a Counselor on weds/thurs to help me
with this).
PS: the thought has occured to me to say "You want space, I'll give you all the space you need. When can I come get the ring?" but I know if I do that it would make me a hypocrite as I told her she could take all the time she needed. Pressure will push her away but the slience is killing me.