Hey everyone, I'm new here and came here for advice because I'm completely heart broken. My fiancé called off the wedding and engagement and our whole relationship all together. Now the situation is very very complex though.
First I guess I should start at why she left me. I have a bad psychological problem that involves delusions, hallucinations and scarily at times complete blackouts. I stupidly well over 2 years ago had stopped taking medications to control it because I didn't really like what constant meds were doing to me. I stopped this before her and I were together. I made the mistake of not telling her that I had these problems and solely the reason why I did not tell her about it in depth is because the woman I was with before her left me because she couldn't handle it and I was scared to mention anything.
So fast forward now to this Thursday. I decided because things have been kinda up and down with us and I wanted to make things right because I found out that during some of the blackouts I had spoken to other women on the Internet not in person and or would look up photos of women. I never knew this was going on I jist kind of saw that it happened when I would see the history after the fact and it hurt because I'm not that kind of person and don't recall ever doing any of that. So I decided to tell her about everything so that I could get help and get back on medication and see a psychiatrist to help make things better and easier to control.
Needless to say she had found out prior to me speaking to her about me contact a woman from my past through email which I had no idea about and when I told her everything she told me she couldn't marry me anymore. She said she loves me and cares about me and is deciding to stay in our house with me to help me but that we are no longer a couple or getting married. I tried to explain that it wasnt me or out of my own free will that these things happened.. I couldn't help it I wasn't in full control. But she says that right now I have to accept what she is offering. She has no where to go though which is probably another reason why she is staying. She is also talking to a guy friend constantly that I never knew about. She is not the type of person that would have been cheating on me previously so please don't think that. I'm just scared because don't want to lose her and she says I need to not worry about our relationship but worry about myself getting better that she knows I can get better. But that I shouldn't hold on to false hope that she cant give that if I get better we can still be together. I don't want to lose her and I want to marry her and it's driving me crazy that she still lives here but we aren't together. But I don't want her to leave at the same time which she really couldn't do anyways. What do I do??