My..Girlfriend is confused..? (online)

[Dale Bruce]

Hey,

So, this is my first time here..and my first time on any forum about..online relationships..or relationships of any kind..I'm normally a loner..and I liked it that way..I liked being able to just..do what I wanted..and be recless..and not have a care in the world..I did it my whole life..but..three months ago..to the day..I met a girl online..It was through eHarmony..I had joined as a joke really..to see how many people around my area were single..and whatever..but..I got matched with a woman from Texas(I'm from Canada)

This woman..(she's turning 20) captivated me..her picture..her eyes..they just..I dunno..they made my heart feel weird..I'd never felt anything like it before..I sent her a request for communication..and three days later you requested to e-mail and skip everything else..so I agreed. We talked about..a lot of things..our biggest fears..and found out..we both had a fear that we would be infertile (No reason we would be..but the fear is there) Anyway..after we found out about that..I had to leave for a couple days so I asked if she wanted to start e-mailing with our real e-mails and not the eHarmony mail..she agreed..

We emailed..so much..enough where we could have written a book..and..that was just in four or five days..then she found me on facebook and added me as a friend..I accepted..and wrote on her wall..which in turn..ended up having a total of 3,700 comments just of us taling back and fourth for 6 days..After that I asked for her cell number so we could text while I was away from my laptop for the weekend. She said she loved the idea! And would rather text message anyway..it was easier since she's busy a lot of the time..

We talked every day..and two weeks ago we started using skype..then..everytime we had to hang up..one of us was heartbroken..so I came up with the idea..of keeping skype on while we slept..so we could hear eachothers breathing..she was delighted..When I first heard her breathing deeply..I couldn't help but to cry softly..it was beautiful..she was so peaceful..When I told her about it..she laughed..and said she did the same thing when she heard me for the first time..

This past tuesday..she told me (I forgot to mention..we both swore to each other that we would never lie to one another) that she felt attracted to her ex..I was a bit mad at this..but got over it..then on Friday..she told me she wanted distance..that she loved me so much..and wanted me..but..she also found herself wanting her ex as well.

Her ex left her for another woman back in November, when I found out about this..I confronted her..and asked if that meant I was the rebound..she exclaimed that I wasn't not even close..So I dropped it..

So..the real problem now is..I try to give her distance..I didn't contact her for awhile..she posted on my wall..then..after awhile..I texted her saying..I was sorry for whatever I did..she said I did nothing.."I'm just really very confused"
I said I wish she wasn't..and that no matter what I loved her and I would wait.

Now..I just found out her eleven year old brother is in the hospital..and she wanted a distraction..I asked what was wrong..she said she isn't allowed to know..and that she is in the waiting room..then she deleted the status..I looked at her wall..and one of her friends (Whom I messaged earlier..explaining how I felt about my girlfriend, because this friend was telling my girlfriend..to stay away, because she had "experience") wrote on my girlfriends wall saying this "Stage 5 clinger"

I got mad..and sent My girlfriend a message saying..:
I shouldn't have commented at all..now that I se The good friend Natalie thinks I'm a god damned clingy infant..so I'll just not go near you whatsoever wouldn't want anyone else to think the same thing.

I'm sorry for not wanting to lose the one good thing in my life. I sincerely hope your brother is ok..and I want to comfort you but I know I can't and now..if I try your friend will think I'm a little b*tch..so I'm just going to be done for good until you're up to talking..I'm sorry for being rude but people like that pee me off.
If we can't be lovers..I want to at least be friends..if you can manage..I'm not clingy I just don't want to lose the best thing that ever happened to me. Maybe that's selfish and clingy..if it is..I don't care. Again..I'm sorry..I just get mad when people like that....Grr..I'm sorry..Ok..I swear I'm done. I'm going to hide you from my news feed so I don't see your posts and get tempted to comment Sorry again!

She never responded..I'm worried it's because of her brother.. I consider her family mine and she's the same with my family..
I just..I never used to get emotional..but with her..I was allowed to show her my soft side..something..no one has ever seen..today..I never got out of bed..I actually..really cried..almost all day..I've barely shed a tear before this..I'm 22 years old..I haven't eaten..and the one thing I did eat..I ended up throwing up..I just don't know what to do..Do I wait for her..give her distance..stay away..??? Or..do I forget her and move on..??
I just need to know..

Thanks in advance..I appreciate it..sorry for the looong post..

EDIT: I forgot to mention..She gave me her facebook login info two-three weeks ago...today..she changed it She also replied back saying: Its ok. their drawing blood now to see whats wrong

[Riku]

Sorry if this is gonna be harsh but, she isn't your girlfriend. She never was your girlfriend. You guys did a lot of talking but that's it. You asking to have Skype on while you guys sleep is too far imo and it's a bit creepy. I think that you clung onto this girl and pushed things way too far. Even if this "relationship" didn't start online I think you went too far. Even if she seemed like she was enjoying everything at the beginning it was only because she wanted or needed that kind of attention, so yes she may have been sincere at the beginning but now that she has gotten what she wanted out of it she is moving on and back into the real world.

You smothered her and now she is trying to slowly cut contact with you but she is probably too nice of a person to tell you straight out to go away. You need to leave her alone. Delete her as a friend on Facebook, lose her number, delete her emails and email address and move on.

[Dale Bruce]

She wanted me to call her my girlfriend so I did.
Yes..she is very nice..but..I asked her straight out if I should leave her alone..and she asked me to wait..I can't just..ignore that..she saved my life twice..

[oldfriend]

uh sorry dude but ur kinda coming across a little creepers...plus how long have you known this chick? A few months? And ur long distance and you consider her family your family? Have you even met them?

[Dale Bruce]

Oi! I only did what I did because she wanted to! If she didn't want to do something, that was that. I mentioned the skype thing to her as a joke..and she told me she loved the idea! I was nervous about doing it..but she sounded like she wanted to. And we did it for two weeks.

As for the family. She has most of my close family added as friends on her profile..and I have her brothers and sisters on mine. No I haven't met them in person..but I've met them all online.

Everything I did..I did because she either ASKED or WANTED it. Or at least seemed to want it. I was perfectly content with just talking on skype and on the phone.

[oldfriend]

you maye have gotten to know them on the internet but it just isn't the same till you meet in person...including her. It doesn't seem like you two have known eachother long enough to be in so deep. Wheather it's what she wants or not it's far to intense for something that's supposed to be faily new and fresh. Also she is being honest with you telling you she still has feelings for her ex. She has more of a history with him then with you...regardless of what she's said about how she feels about you...she still has feelins for him. But you should also keep in mind that what her friend wrote on her facebook does not mean that is representative as to how she feels about you. So for you to attack her like you did is a little too strong...and unfair...it comes across as a bit obbsessive and controlling. I wouldn't want to have anything to do with you after that especially if you did it whilsit I was going through a family emergency. She's going through a family emergency, not concerned with what's going on with her friends online or on facebook.

[Riku]

Ok. My advice to you at this point is to just move on. I think she is moving on and is too nice to tell you that so she is trying to distance herself to the point of not talking to you at all anymore. I know you may have invested a lot of yourself into this but with the distance and the fact that all of this has occurred online and through Skype, save yourself the trouble and any future pain and cut contact. Find someone near you that you can have a physical relationship with, not just an emotional one.

[Dale Bruce]

To oldfriend:

I didn't attack her though..? but her friend was aiming it at me..And I know..online isn't the same as meeting them in person..I never EVER wanted to be involved with someone online for that exact reason..
I also agree..I shouldn't have said what I said while her brother was in the hospital..BUT..she said she wanted a distraction to not think about the hospital..
It was stupid yes..and I regretted it after I said it..but I couldn't apologize because I'm trying not to talk to her..

I also..got mad because, that friend was supposed to be a good friend to her..PLUS she's about 35..she's not a teenager..I expected something more from the friend..then to be ignored and called a "clinger" just because I..Ugh.
I'm not clingy..or obssessive I just don't know how to not talk to her..when we talked..literally everyday..almost 24/7..

EDIT: I'm reply to you now Riku

[Dale Bruce]

Riku..

I'm starting to think you're right..However..I had swore to myself..I wouldn't fall for someone..and I never did until her..because the last time it happened..I got hurt..and now its happened again..and I don't think I can go through it again after this..I know it sounds childish.

I also steer clear from Real contact from actual women because I don't like how I look..but to Her..I was amazing..and she didn't like how she looked..but to me..she was a Goddess..If it doesn't work out..and it comes down to the point where I have to cut every tie to her..I will..

I just messaged her sister..she tells her everything. I asked if that's what I should do..if she says yes..then I know for a fact..that I screwed up and was an idiot..

Thanks for the replies and advice..it's appreciated..

[oldfriend]

if you didn't attack her then you wouldn't feel bad about the things you said. And if you had a problet with what the friend said confront the friend about it not her. She's not your friend she's her friend....and she's looking out for her friend wheather you agree or not she is looking out for her friend.. You never truly know a person on the internet...ever. You just gotta move on dude.

[Dale Bruce]

I just regretted the timing..not what I said..What I said was aimed at the friend..not her..I just felt stupid for saying it all at that time..and for a good reason..

BUT..in any other case I WOULd move on and forget her..BUT She asked me to wait for her to sort things out..I said I would wait..and she said "Thank you..I'm so sorry for what I've been doing..I really am..The fact that you'll wait..Thank you so much..I don't deserve your trust.."

I just can't bring myself to leave..without knowing 100%..that she's done..and I know you're only trying to help..I don't want to seem like I'm disregarding what you are saying..
I was stupid..I just didn't know how to deal with the whole thing..it just came out of nowhere..Actually..no..it came after her ex became single..which was on Thursday..
Another..Thanks for the help! I guess I'm just being stubborn..and childish lol..

[oldfriend]

she said she doesn't deserve your trust? Sounds like she may have already done something besides just have feelings to betray your trust. Most people will always have feelings for their ex's at some level or another....its common sense. So why does she feel so guily if the only thing she's done is have feelings....feelings doesn't mean cheating. So why say she doesn't deserve your trust if she didn't do something she feels guily about. Don't wait for her dude...move on...waiting just makes you look like the chump on the ackburner while she's messing around with her ex. If I'm truly in love and dating someone I don't even think about any ex's ever because my love for the new person means more to me then anything from my past.

[Dale Bruce]

I was hoping..when she said that..she was referring to..other things she's done and lied about..but then told me about and I still stuck with her..like when she was getting high one night..She said it was a one time thing..and she'd never do it again..she was weak and whatnot..
And..I made a mistake..I thought she said She doesn't deserve my trust but she said "I'm sorry I broke your trust..I'm so sorry" But..that could be because..when I was so angry when she told me..I said to my cousin..that I think I might have lost me trust..and I'm not sure if I can get it back..
She knew I said that..because..she has my facebook login info as well..and she read my messages to my cousin....When she did that..SEE this is why I'm so confused..She acts like she cares so much..but then..

I don't want to seem/act like the fool/chump..But I also don't want to act like a jerk who went back on his word..and find out..she WAS going to choose me in the end..

I'm torn..between doing what's obvious..and trying to hold onto hope..

[oldfriend]

well at the moment she isn't chosing you if she really genuinly cared for you there would be no doubt in her mind....shes a girl that's how we are.

[Dale Bruce]

Yeah..I just don't want to admit it I guess..I just want to stay in the illusion that..maybe she'll come back soon..and then..I only want to believe that..because I spent nearly four months..Four months..with her..trying to sort everything in my life out..for her..saving up every penny to be able to fly out to her..I even got my passport..and applied fr a work visa..she was so excited..And now I have nothing..so I guess I'm just trying to hold onto that little ounce of hope..