I Rearly dont know what to do

[Pompous]

im 18 and my gf is 16, we have been togther 3 months and have been haveing sex for 2 months, shes allways told me she was a vergin but today told me that she wasent and was haveing very regular sex with her stepbrother when she was 13, she sat on my bed crying for 2 hours when she told me and i just sat there silent for the whole time not knowing what to say or do.

i truley love this girl but i just dont know what to do with myself, i allways wonderd y she allways seemed to know exactley what to do n was so good at it.

i know it took alot of guts to tell me and she must rearli love me to tell me this, but the fact that she lied aboult being a vergin in the first plase rearli hurts, it just dosent feel as magical any more.

This all happend today, i held her told her that i still love her but i know ill never see her in the same way again, every time i touch her thats all id be able to think aboult, shes not MY girl any more, and i dont feel like im as special to her eather, like iv said i deepley love this girl but im beside myself with all sorts of emotions

i just want to know what u guys think and what you'd do

[Yggdrasil]

She's still the same girl she was before. All the rest is in your mind.

If you're as deeply in love as you claim to be, you'd know that and you'd be understanding and supportive to her, instead of feeling insecure and cheated on.

If you even in the slightest care about her, you get over those feelings of yours ASAP and help her coping with her past by being there for her and listening to her, holding her when needed and letting her cry when she has the need to do so.

It may be a good idea to have her do some counseling to.

[vashti]

I think this would be VERY hard to live with. I doubt very much that I could. I mean, really - what's going to happen when you go to her house for dinner and the step-brother is sitting there? Yuck.

This is too much for a young kid to live with, in my opinion.

[Yggdrasil]

Dude, that's amazing.

I'd love to have a stepsister I could bang.

I hope you're kidding. Ever considered the trauma caused by that?

[Zekang]

bro dont worry so much about it... look at it this way when/if (most likely when) you and this chick break up ur not gonna be a virgin either... does that make you less of a person or in some way less commited to the next person your with?

fact is its just sex and while that does carry some weight its best not to think about it too hard(trust me i was with a chick before who had several partners before me. its best not to dwell on it cause it'll eat you up if ya sit there and imagine stuff)

as far as meeting her stepbrother goes... maybe hes a cool guy? i mean yea thats gonna be ... hard to say the least but it is what it is and if you care about this chick youll try and put it behind you.


if this is a deal breaker for you then you really need to take a look in the mirror because the next chick your with is either A. not gonna be a virgin or B. might feel the same way about you as your feeling about this girl... its apart of growing up... man up

[Icej2k]

As you said yourself, she must really love you. Lies are not good (obviously), but this is not the issue here, as you already know.

But think about the cause of her not telling you... Perhaps earlier on in the relationship, you unwittingly pressured her into thinking that it was "not okay" to not be a virgin. And she just wanted to make her first time with you special -And I'm sure it was. So why should you let finding out that it wasn't her first time change that?

The is no justification for a lie like this, but I'm sure you have already forgiven her. So what you need to do is put that in your past, and help her to put what she needs to in her past... That's what couples do. It is not your fault that she kept that from you, but in the future, keep the pressure off her and she will always feel free to tell you the truth.

Live in the present - not in the past, (especially when it is not your past). Your love is now, and your future is still to come.

[vashti]

Call me crazy, but somehow I'm thinking that the fact she was (voluntarily) screwing her brother should probably be a little more bothersome than the idea of her not being a virgin.

[Pompous]

STEP-brother, no blood relation

[vashti]

STEP-brother, no blood relation

Still family.

[Volk]

It's not worth losing her over.

[Rollerderby]

It sounds like her stepbrother took advantage of her, because 13 is very young to have sex. Why do you think she was crying? It's not because she lied, well maybe partly, she had to, but more to do with the fact that she probably feels extremely guilty in a situation she wishes never happened. Kind of how rape victims feel after they are raped. Just because he isn't a skeevy older man, doesn't mean he isn't capable of inflicting that.


I don't know the details, but I can almost certainly say that this was not a mutual attraction. She was molested. Probably manipulated into this.

To the posters who say, maybe he's cool? Who are you kidding? This is an incestuous situation. Maybe he kept coming to her bedroom at night, and wouldn't leave her alone, so she gave in. Maybe she has no security now at home. That's a mental mind ****.

If that bothers you, then you need to grow the **** up. Something happened to her that she can't control, and hates herself for. She needs counseling. The fact is you are 18, and you engaged in a relationship with this girl. If you love her as much as you say, you need to do the responsible thing and support her. These things in life don't always come to you when and if you want them. For her sake, do not throw the towel in. I can see that only screwing her up more.

[vashti]

Why are people assuming this wasn't consensual? Maybe he was 14 or 15, and she thought he was hot. I assume that if she were molested, the original poster would have said so already. That is a pretty important detail.

[Yggdrasil]

vashti: rarely, very rarely, things like that happen with mutual consent.

Rollerderby: totally in agreement (see my earlier post).

[Rollerderby]

Vash, sometimes when these things happen, the victim does not want to believe they have been victimized, so they convince themselves that they wanted it. Still leads to heinous guilt. Even worse so, because they can't see that they are not to blame.

I highly HIGHLY doubt this was consensual. Also, there is a reason why it would still be categorized as statutory rape.

[Gigabitch]

I can't even imagine how this girl must be feeling right now. You're probably the only person she's ever told about this. The way I see it, if it were consensual, she probably wouldn't be crying for two hours as she told you about it. Poor thing. She's going down a shame spiral and you're just standing there at the edge, watching her and telling her it's not "magical" any more.

**** you. She made a terrible mistake trusting you with this. Clearly you don't deserve to know her secrets. How dare you judge her for something that's very likely to be the very worst thing that's ever happened to her (before getting rejected by you, anyway)?

I just have a really hard time imagining any girl that isn't a total insane slut (and you would have noticed that at the very beginning) voluntarily ****ing her step-brother.

If I'm wrong, I apologize for the **** you part, but it sounds like you didn't even give her the benefit of the doubt.

What are the details, here? This is very important. Was she doing this because she wanted to or because she had to?