Hi there everyone
Me and my girlfriend are in a (almost) two year relationship and I really really love her with my deepest feelings. And I really want this to work. But sometimes she losts her faith in me and can't believe that I love her this much and there is a whole story behind it.
Before I dive into the situation lets just call my girlfriend Kate (which is not her real name) so that I can write this easier
So I had this big crush on another girl two years ago that kate knew about at the time.kate was actually ky friends girlfriend at that time, so knowing (better to use the word "assuming" here) that nothing is going to happen between me and kate, i told her that how I do absolutly anything to get her. I didn't know that kate actually likes me and I can hurt her feelings this way.
So I had a huge fight with my so called friend(kate's boyfriend at that time) and somehow parted ways with him and ofcourse kate.
About a month after this kate told me that she wants to be with me, and I thoght to myself that she, like his ex-boyfriend, wants to hurt me so said no and acted like a total jurk to her.
I did not hear from her till about 9 months later and the news about her was that she was going to marry someone.
Some time later kate called me and said she wanted to see me.I agreed and picked her up and we talked about how her marrige failed and she wants to be with me again.
I hadn't even gotten a date with that girl i liked, I was so lonely and i could get a new girfriend hesselfree.So I said I am looking for something compeletly phisical from her and she shokingly agreed. I was a total asshole to her.
She was my girlfriend and we spent a lot of time together.As passed, I began to like her more and more.She was (and is) all the things I wanted from a girl, a partner, a friend.And I seriously fell in love with her.And to this day, one year, 8 months and 5 days later since our first kiss, she is the most important thing of my life and will do anything to make her happy because her happiness is my ultimate life purpose and that is how much I love her.
But the problem is that kate has a low self esteem sometimes, and she remembers how i acted like a jerk to her, twice.and she tells me, like tonight, that she envys that other girl I liked because I did all thise things to just talked to her.That I wasn't the one that chose her.That she is afraid that someday I may realize that I made a mistake
I compeletly realize why she thinks that way and she has the right to feel this way and it is mostly because of my behaviour at the begening of our relationship. But I too hate my two-years-ago self for acting like an asshole.
But now, I totally and compeletly love her and i tell her this like 50 times a day; Both with normal word or with little poems i write myself or find around the internet. And I know she loves me and I know that both our loves have been grown a lot.
But how can I make her believe that I love her and am not going to leave her?That with my two year journy to another country ( to get my masters degree ) I am not going to even look at another woman and I will come back for her?
Sorry if this is too long and sorry for my gramatic or verbal mustakes.It is 2 am right now and I can't sleep since we had a discussion about this topic and toled me she wants to be alone for a while
Please help me with your suggestions.I didn't know what else to do
Thanks in advance