Quick Question

[Mish]

A girl I know from a single's site for more than a month now is being annoying. She acts intimate and close and everything, she seems like a nice person, but the moment I mention meeting up for a coffee (No expectations, just to chat face to face) she goes quite. Citing all kinds of trust issues to get out of it. She's nice and all, but these excuses are starting to annoy me. There's lots of other girls in my life I can spend my time on instead of her. I'm feeling she's tagging me along. I plan to ask her out again and if I hear same old excuses I plan to just be straight up with her "I don't need friends with trust issues, bye". And delete her. She has my number, and can call me as last resort, else I'll just ignore her.

Any other suggestions anyone has on this?

[FoxyLaydee]

Is this the first time you're asking her out and seeing her F2F?

[Mish]

I casually asked her a couple of times

[FoxyLaydee]

Well, if it's the first time you're meeting her F2F then she's probably making up excuses not to go cause the picture (assuming she sent you a couple of pics) she sent you, is not really her.

Have you guys gone on webcam?

[Tiay]

there's not really more you an do. Explain that you have no expectations just a chat and that you're looking for more than just an online chat kinda friendship, and that her excuses make you feel like she's never going to have time, and if she doesn't commit to a meeting sometime soon, you're not interested. that's it, right?

[lesa]

Sometimes females like to go very slow in meeting others online. I suggest giving her your phone number, your email address, etc. so that she can contact you first. She may feel a little more comfortable after having your personal contact info. She will probably email you first and then call you. She is likely to accept an offer to coffee, etc over the phone. Hope that helps.

[Mish]

there's not really more you an do. Explain that you have no expectations just a chat and that you're looking for more than just an online chat kinda friendship, and that her excuses make you feel like she's never going to have time, and if she doesn't commit to a meeting sometime soon, you're not interested. that's it, right?

Something along those lines, thank Tiay

Too bad though. We kinda get along great online. I'm just feeling like I'm wasting my time with her if she's not going to take it one step further.

[vashti]

Shame on you, mish. You know internet relationships have no basis in reality. Why aren't you pursuing real, live girls? Perhaps one of the many you apparently attract in the clubs?

[misombra]

you've only been talking for a month. i personally would not meet a guy i've only been talking to online for a month. i can't blame her.

my crystal ball says your persistence is scaring her and turning her off.

[Illusional]

i think that you already know the answer. forget her.

raverboy

[GrkScorp]

Any other suggestions anyone has on this?

Yeah.. the problem with girls online is that you don't know they're real.. who's to say that she didn't take one of her friend's pictures and pose as her online? Who's to say it's not Chris Hanson killing some time? You don't know..

So what you're subcommunicating by being the one willing and pushing to meet up in person without raising that issue is that you don't care.. you're more interested in meeting SOMEONE, than to care who it really is.. And Mish, that's not the message YOU, out of all people, want to be sending out..

Ego Challenge: "I get it, most likely you're some guy, in which case that's just wierd.. or that's not really you in your picture.."

Plausable Deniability: "I've been thinking about it, and I really don't know you.. don't take it personally or anything, but you just never know.. before we meet up in person (presupposition), I at least want to know if you're really you.. what you sound like.. (hint hint: phone call)"

If she's not comfortable enough or doesn't trust you enough to talk on the phone with you.. then don't expect her to feel safe enough to meet up in person.. TRANSITION!!!

Best,

GrkScorp

[Mish]

Shame on you, mish. You know internet relationships have no basis in reality. Why aren't you pursuing real, live girls? Perhaps one of the many you apparently attract in the clubs?

Vash you're such an assumption queen

What makes you think I'm not pursuing any "real live girls" huh? HUH?

[Mish]

you've only been talking for a month. i personally would not meet a guy i've only been talking to online for a month. i can't blame her.

my crystal ball says your persistence is scaring her and turning her off.

I just met another girl I've only chatted to for less than a week yesterday. We had a blast.

A month is plenty of time to trust another human being to have a coffee with.

[Mish]

If she's not comfortable enough or doesn't trust you enough to talk on the phone with you.. then don't expect her to feel safe enough to meet up in person.. TRANSITION!!!

Best,

GrkScorp

Thanks Scorp

Yeh, we spoke on the phone, that's why I'm finding it annoying that she's flaky about the next step. I think she feels safe, she's just being annoying. I think me cutting her off like that will bring her back to reality. If not then I shouldn't be wasting my time on her.

The only reason I haven't done this sooner is because I kinda like her.

[anachronistic]

If she's got trust issues, have her bring a friend along and go to a public place.

And, do you really want her to think that you don't trust her? That's what would happen if you said 'how can I be sure that it's really you in the photos'

You put enough effort into it. To sum it up, just be honest with her, but do it like a gentleman. No need to get nasty, you know? Besides, that's burning bridges.