I'm almost 19 and I've never had a boyfriend. I'm getting depressed about it.

[brownhair]

So as the title says, I'm almost 19 and never had a boyfriend. Never even been kissed. I used to have really low self-esteem about my appearance, but I think I've gotten better over the past two years. The problem is that I've been so used to not being wanted by guys, that I still put up a barrier when I'm around guys. I talk to some guys as friends, but I give out this vibe that I'm clearly not interested. The reason I do this is because I used to be so afraid of getting rejected in my ugly days that I'd put up a tough demeanor to protect myself. It was basically my way of saying, "Yeah, I know you don't want me, but I don't want you either so there." I don't know how to flirt or anything.

I'm also convinced that there's basically nothing likable about my personality. I've been called boring several times in the past, and it's gotten to me. I don't think I'm interesting and I don't think people particularly care if I'm around. I'm not the person that someone would say "I wish so-and-so were here." I have this paranoia that everyone thinks I'm ridiculous or just flat-out doesn't like me. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know how to let loose and just live in the moment and be myself. I don't feel like I've felt "comfortable" in a social situation in YEARS. I'm always analyzing what I'm going to say and do instead of just BEING and living the moment like a normal person.

I also don't know where to find any guys. I go to college where most of the population is female, and the guys that are here are mostly gay or not my type. I don't know what to do.

To make matters worse, I basically have no friends. I mean, I have people who I call "friends," but I don't feel a true connection with any of them like I used to when I was younger. I don't feel like anyone actually KNOWS me or cares about me. I'm just feeling really, really lonely and depressed lately. I would love it if I had a guy who cared about me and who would cuddle with me and do all that sweet stuff that couples do with me. I want some companionship and I also want the romantic experience.

I'm starting to feel like I'm going to be alone forever and that I'm never going to find a boyfriend.

[Spring Haze]

The main complaint here is being single, when the more dire issues are your low self-esteem, and paranoia. Work on remedying those. They are taking a toll more than lack of a boyfriend, and could easily be a hindrance to obtaining a guy as well.

I'm starting to feel like I'm going to be alone forever and that I'm never going to find a boyfriend.

Uh-huh. When you're fifty and perpetually single maybe you'd be able to say that. Not at the age of nineteen.

[bluesummer]

I know it sounds cliche but another person isn't going to make you happy until you're happy with yourself first. Improve yourself and your life and all other things will fall into place. Start by losing the negative self-talk and getting yourself involved in something that interests you and makes you happy. Take down the barrier. I had that negative barrier put up for years too....the whole "I'm going to just hate on you first before you can hate on me" thing. Therefore I had very few friends, and definitely no bfs although I was definitely attractive enough.

Nineteen is nothing my dear.......there's multiple posters on here in their twenties that have still yet to date someone. There's many more in their thirties, forties and beyond that are still struggling to find a meaningful relationship.

[QueenofCorona]

It almost sounds like you have Social Anxiety Disorder. There's nothing wrong with being a late bloomer, you have to do what you are comfortable with.

Try to take baby steps out of your comfort level gradually. Go out with some girl friends more often. Volunteer doing something you enjoy. Join a church or club. Join a co-ed sports team.

Relax. Everybody poops.

[lonelyhamster]

It almost sounds like you have Social Anxiety Disorder. There's nothing wrong with being a late bloomer, you have to do what you are comfortable with.

Try to take baby steps out of your comfort level gradually. Go out with some girl friends more often. Volunteer doing something you enjoy. Join a church or club. Join a co-ed sports team.

Relax. Everybody poops.

This is probably the best advice anyone here can give you. I was in an almost identical situation myself, but through being involved in a club at school I met my now-girlfriend. Get involved and don't even think about looking for someone. Just get out as much as possible, and someone will come along.

[Illusional]

*muah*...

now you've been kissed by me!!

raverboy

[IncognitoSir]

*muah*...

now you've been kissed by me!!

raverboy

lol, i chuckled.

Follow Queens advice, get out, get active, everything else will fall in place.

[Illusional]

^^^^^^^ ah haha, if you only knew as much about me as you thought that you had previously known...

you'd laugh too.

raverboy

[irrelevant_89]

This isn't going to be a helpful post but goddamn Brownhair, you're like the female version of me. Wanna meet up?

Now seriously, what the other folks said is correct. There's no other way to solve that kind of problems than going out and being social. Unfortunately life is keeping me from doing that, too much work and living far from everything doesn't help. How about you, do you think you can work around your duties and find some time to "mingle"?

[green17]

It's not a big deal for a 19 yr old to never have a boy/girlfriend. 19 is still very young. I knew people who didn't have a serious boy/girlfriend until they were in their mid to late 20s.

[uri]

I'm very soon 24 and never had a girlfriend but I constantly remind myself that there are more important things in life than women and dating and that is: being happy and being healthy. Dating isn't everything and being single isn't a crime.

[Mish]

I don't know how to let loose and just live in the moment and be myself. I don't feel like I've felt "comfortable" in a social situation in YEARS. I'm always analyzing what I'm going to say and do instead of just BEING and living the moment like a normal person.

Well maybe this is the best place to start? Forget about finding a guy for now and put more effort into making new friends and becoming more social. Find ways to become happy on your own first.

[MetalPhoenix]

This is probably the best advice anyone here can give you. I was in an almost identical situation myself, but through being involved in a club at school I met my now-girlfriend. Get involved and don't even think about looking for someone. Just get out as much as possible, and someone will come along.[/B]

Bullshit. In Hollywood yes, but in the real world that sort of thing is VERY rare

@brownhair: Reading your story is like reading my own past. Your "symptoms" are pretty much identical to mine.
But I agree with BlueSummer. being happy starts with being happy with yourself. I don't want to get you down with the above statement, but I feel that you also should not get false hope. I can be very tough to get to where you want to be. But it can certainly be done. Most important thing is to start believing in yourself.

[MetalPhoenix]

I'm very soon 24 and never had a girlfriend but I constantly remind myself that there are more important things in life than women and dating and that is: being happy and being healthy. Dating isn't everything and being single isn't a crime.

You could not be more right. I recently made quite a big decision not to be troubled anymore. I'm going to start doing stuff that I know makes me happy.

[DoesntMatter]

I'm almost 21 and never had a girlfriend or kiss either





Hook up!?>!??!?!??!!!!