Does anyone feel the way I do ???? Please someone give me advice :(

[AsianAsh]

Hi, my name is Ashley. My ex boyfriend and I have been broken up for over a year. I have not seen him or talked to him in over half a year, but it seems like i can not get him out of my head. I think about him once at the lest everyday since we have broken up. I found him when i was 16 years old and we broke up 3 months before i turned 19, so we were together for almost 3 years. I am now almost 20. I have been on a couple of dates since we broke up but nothing serious cause i missed him to much. Until now, I am now in a relationship and we have been dating for almost 2 months. He is amazing, so sweet, caring, ridiculously good looking and has a perfect body. I like the guy dont get me wrong, but even still my ex dominates every fiber of my being without having to be in my life. I told myself to date Jon (my current BF) because he was such an amazing catch and I couldnt just let him go because of someone who is not even in my life. I felt if I was with him I would grow to care for him as much as my ex. I know its horrible but I thought maybe he would make me forget about my ex. But, here I am and I still cannot let go. When I am away from Jon I know it is him I should be missing but instead all I miss is my ex. Its been such a long time since I have spoken to him I just wanna be happy again.........please somebody tell me how to get over him. I hate the fact that he has such control over my emotions with out ever even having to be close to me .......

[lhn]

I think 'first loves' hold a very special place in our hearts. I remember reading another post on here and someone said they still cherish their first love which was years and years back, even though they are now in a great marriage.

I don't know what kind of advice would help you. I haven't been in your position exactly as I only recently lost my first love and I haven't dated anyone since...

Maybe you need more time.
Maybe you just haven't found someone who makes you feel just as complete as you did with your first love.
Perhaps you just aren't ready and/or equipped to let go just yet.

Its a difficult one. Sorry I can't be more help but I wouldn't appreciate someone giving me advice on getting over losing a loved one if they haven't actually experienced it. You can't explain what its like

[stacey]

hi, i suggest that you figure out what you really want.

treat people and relationships with respect. people are not things for you to use to "get over someone" or to keep you company, etc. everyone deserves the due respect and dignity he/she should be accorded with.

even if you manage to hold onto Jon or anyone else for that matter, i doubt you will be able to have a happy true-love relationship. to be in a committed true love relationship, both are one with each other. if you can't live in the present, how can you be at one with the other person ? you are depriving the other person and yourself too of a true love relationship which could potentially be the most beautiful thing in this world.

love is beautiful and sacred. don't ruin / taint it with your selfish motivation.

[stacey]

not living in the present and making yourself fully present and available for the other person in a marriage is living a lie. i hope you can sort out your thoughts/feelings and commit to your decision and make it work.

you are responsible for the stability and success of a committed relationship too.

if you are not ready, i suggest that you do not "try" on any one. everyone is worthy of love and respect. be grateful for Jon or whoever else who crosses your path. don't insult Jon by being with him but unable to give 100% of yourself when you are with him. a happy committed relationship deserves 100% from both parties

[mrkleen]

Hi Ashley.

Clearly you are using your current BF to help cushion the blow from you ex. This is not only unfair to him, but is retarding your growth as a person too. You need to be alone to work on yourself and leading on this other guy is totally unfair. He is a rebound, plain and simple.

What have you done since you broke up your first BF to better yourself? Are you in school? Do you have a job you enjoy? Have you picked up any new hobbies?

You need to find some new and interesting things that help you grow as a person. Something like volunteering at a shelter for battered women, or a place that feeds the homeless. You need to get outside of your comfort zone, and see that while you are feeling bad about your ex – in the big picture of life, this is small potatoes.

You are very young, and someday in the future you will look back on all of this as a learning experience. You cant change the past, all you can do is change yourself and your decision making going forward. Life is all about timing. Maybe at a difference time and place in your lives, you and your ex BF would have worked out….but that isnt going to happen – EVER. Get over it and start to build your life on the here and now.

And please break up with you current BF before you break the poor guy’s heart.

[cmacattack1]

Those were all very good suggestions Mr. Kleen, although forever is a very long time. Was their no closure to your breakup, and who dumped who? Why? Have you truly looked at the relationship or are you just remembering the good times and putting him up on that pedestal?

1 year for a relationship with somebody you knew and essentially grew up with isn't long at all. It's tough to get over somebody without finding somebody new and yet you can't give them 100 percent. It's a very frustrating situation I can imagine.

[AsianAsh]

you are all right.... and i did break up with Jon. He is an amazing guy and i told him how i felt ..... he understood and even wanted to stay with me... but i couldnt do that to him... because he does deserve 100 % from someone and i couldnt give him that ..... thanks everyone for the advice it means sooo much to me