Wifes ex boyfriend help

[confus]

Alright i need some help to know if i am in the wrong and what to do.

I am one year married and we were dating 2 years before hand and we are only 21.. She was my first serious relationship aka the first person i had sex with.. and she had one person before me and we started dating about a month after they broke up.

now she was dating her ex boyfriend for 4 years total. she moved out of state and they were doing a long distance relationship for two years when they broke up and i started dating her. we had it great we dated for 2 years, been married for another it was all great. until the ex-boyfriend started texting her. at first i ignored it and went about the usual stuff. then she started texting him when we were out with friends, she started hiding her phone from me, and constantly changed her password on the phone so that i could never look at it.

i started getting nervous so i tried to be noisy but didn't get anywhere. then i started getting worried and when ever she started texting when we were out with friends i would get really mad, so i slightly ignore her and turn her down for sex.

this lead to huge fights over the weekend i would tell her i didn't like her texting him all the time, and she would say ok.. and do it again. it has been this way for 3 weeks. well just this weekend she did it again. and it gave way to our biggest fight.

she said he said " i want you back, take a plane out here to see me, im sorry i ever dumped out" and that he has been leaving hints and innuendos for the past week. and because i was ignoring her she felt lonely. and she said to me " it was hard for me to say no Ive been so lonely lately" and so on...

Ive asked again for her to stop texting and she says "no i still have a place for him in my heart and i want to stay friends with him, i told him no im not going to have a affair and that i want to stay friends only" then she get angry with me because she thinks i don't trust her enough

I know i was jealous in the beginning and it was wrong to not trust her but if her ex-boyfriend wants her back and she had a hard time saying no. is this a bad sign? she tells me to ignore it and to trust her.

Am i in the wrong if i don't want her texting her ex-boyfriend? and if so how can i get over this, every time we are out and she is texting him i just get very very angry and now that i know he still has felling for her it makes it worse, and if we ever get into any fight im afraid she wont say no to him next time.

if im not in the wrong how do i go about trying to get her to close that chapter in her life and move on? or do i just say go ahead but i don't want to know about it? or what?

Thanks for your comments

[steviej]

This is a serious situation, you are right to be worried. She made her vows to you, encouraging interest from her ex is a big no-no!
You have to play this smart now, going about this the wrong way will push her more to him.

In your situation i'd have a calm, rational discussion with her. Tell her how much you love her, that you meant every word of your wedding vows and that her being in contact with her ex - who has said he wants her back - makes you feel very uncomfortable. Ask her how she would feel if the situations were reversed.
She might not realise the position she's put you in.

Is she feeling like she's lacking in attention? Have just the two of you been out for a meal together, gone for a walk together etc? Maybe she just needs some good quality time with you.

As a very last resort, ultimatum, him or you. But that really, really is a last resort!

[blinki]

i agree. him or you. it's that simple. this behavior on her part should not be tolerated. honestly, if my boyfriend was doing what she's doing, i'd have no choice but to get rid of him. that's bull**** dude!

[jb1111983]

Mate, I'd seriously hate to be in your shoes in this scenario. First of all I think you got married way too early. At 21 you should be dating girls, seeing the world, enjoying life, you know. Most people aren't really ready yet for lifelong commitments at that young age. Your wife sounds like she doesn't have the maturity to be a wife yet. She wants friendship with her ex bf but that guy wants her back and has made himself very clear to her. Like you I'm a jealous type and wouldn't enjoy my gf responding positively to a guy who constantly hits on her. It's ok for other guys to like her because I think she is likeable but if she's my girl she shouldn't encourage them. I know she wouldn't like me flirting with another girl.
Mate, I don't know how many guys in the world would want their gf to constantly text her ex who wants to get back with her. If I don't want that with my gf I would hate my wife doing that.
I'd suggest you be nice to her and try to win her back if you truly want to grow old with her. It seems she getting fond of her old flame again. WIN her back. And also make it very clear to her that you do not like her communicating with her ex when the ex clearly isn't over her and wants her back. And see how she reacts to you. If she loves you she'll not want to hurt your feelings. If she doesn't care and continues her bull**** it's better for you two to part ways you don't wanna be in unhappy relationship.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

If you really want to see where you stand with her, give her an out and see if she takes it. Either draft yourself, or have a lawyer draft a separation agreement. Then sit down with her and tell her that this is really starting to wear on you and you don't want to be anyone's second choice, so if she wants him she can have him but if she wants to keep this marriage in tact, she needs to cease all contact, then give her the separation agreement. Try to stay as calm as you can, but be firm about your position and about her making a decision then and there.

[VincenzoG91]

21 is too young for marriage these days, given that many Americans continue to behave like teenagers until they are 30. Don't waste any time here, divorce her immediately. Don't wait until she is pregnant or you will have a serious mess on your hands.