Is my boyfriend settling for me?

[staticline]

Hi guys. I'm 25, my boyfriend is 27 and we've been together about 4 years now. To cut a long story short, we've travelled a bit of a rocky road. Although I'm sure we've always basically loved each other, he was a bit of a shoddy/unreliable partner at times. I was disappointed to learn that up until a couple of years ago he'd been going on regular nights out with his friends (and their partners), and had been lying to me about being busy with other things. (I only know because one of his friend's partners let slip by accident.) He had no reason to do this, I never did anything to suggest I'd discourage him from nights out or socialising with friends - indeed I always did this plenty myself - openly! I'm fairly sure he cheated on me a couple of years ago, since he went quiet on me for two weeks following a night out, and I discovered in this time he'd had an STD test. He's always maintained that he was simply struggling with doubts about my fidelity - needless to say I was about his for some time following this. For years he would disclude me from important family events, such as his sister's baby's homecoming, where everybody else including all of his sibling's partners would be there. I love my boyfriend and have always considered him my equal in every way, though it's fair to say most people comment that we're a little mis-matched, even his mother. We go to a comedy night locally and we've been picked on a few times with comments about how he's "batting out of his league". Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to suggest he should be grateful for my affection, but it feels like he's never been proud to be seen with me at all. He was never eager to spend much time with me, favouring nights out, and I was excluded from his social life. When we hit the three year mark and there were no signs of him pursuing a further commitment, knowing I was ready for something more serious, I broke things off with a heavy heart. He came back around within a few weeks and begged for me to come back, stating that he felt he was ready to move in with me when I graduated. This was nearly a year ago and things have been great since - I feel much more 'connected' to him, he seems a lot more open with me. Spending time with his nephew seems to have softened him and he's even mentioned having kids on occasion. He seems much less interested in nights out and much more interested in spending time with me - though I note that he seems to have opted out of his social life rather than include me in it to any degree. I graduate at the end of the month, and I've been happily house hunting with him - that said, I just can't shake this gnawing doubt. Did he "grow up", or is he just settling for me?

[chenderson325]

Listen to your gut. To me it sounds like you might be the one wanting to get out of the relationship and projecting that feeling onto him. Don't move in with someone you're not 100% sure and excited about. It's just not worth it and will probably go sour eventually.

[Fruitss]

He is kind of ashamed of u or he is not 100% with u.
So why do u want too go deeper into this relationship too be just a shadow?

No men that really likes their gf hide her. They shore will show up with her as much as possible.

Or u r hiding something u do wrong like start fight with people, or he really is ashamed of u.
Any way i dont see a reason too hunt no house . Cause its a bad start too go further.
And i guess when u have kids he shore will hide all of u 2.

What a sad life is that . Work and your self esteem! cause u clearly like poor treatment.

[staticline]

Listen to your gut. To me it sounds like you might be the one wanting to get out of the relationship and projecting that feeling onto him. Don't move in with someone you're not 100% sure and excited about. It's just not worth it and will probably go sour eventually.

I think it's fair to say I'm having a few doubts, but I think it's because I realise how big of a commitment moving in with him is. I know that I love him and have the tools to make it work if it's what he wants - but that's a big if because I can't make it work on my own. Although we've been happy of late, when I reflect on our relationship I do worry that his heart isn't really in it. A lot of the changes in our relationship came about after he switched jobs, and owing to a disagreement was largely excluded from his previous friends circle. If that hadn't have happened, I wonder, would I still be relegated to the background?

[staticline]

Or u r hiding something u do wrong like start fight with people, or he really is ashamed of u.

I'm not prone to start fights, fruitss, nor am I of a jealous disposition. It would be fair to say that I probably wouldn't fit in very well with his friends.. on the odd occasion I've gone along and mixed with his friend's girlfriends, it proved a tad awkward, because as much as I genuinely liked them as people, we had very little common ground to talk about.. they are very girly girls and talk about their boob jobs etc, which is a completely unfamiliar world to me, I'm rather bookish. He'd not fit into my friend group with any great ease either, though, for much the same reasons, so I've never really pushed to be a part of his. He really had no reason to lie about things, from my end.