Should I fight for her?

[goodguy85]

I've been friends with this girl for 5 months who has a boyfriend. She moved from the east coast out here in the West to be with him for his new job.

She doesn't want to be with him, but doesn't know how to end it because they live together. He is her first boyfriend. She is very shy, very innocent, and a good heart. He is very controlling and is busy working at a hedge fund and doesnt spend time at home wih her. Tells her what to eat and how she should dress. She told him that she doesnt feel the same way about him anymore and he begged her that he's changed.

Our friendship morphed into a relationship and we realized that we are great for each other because we love each other's imperfections. Even though I wanted to, I never forced her to break up because that needed to be her decision. She also told me that she loves me so much. A month ago, I told her I couldn't keep seeing her for only 1hr every week because I wanted to be with her all the time. She cried and said her heart wants to be with me but she doesnt know why she cant leave this guy. Since that day she hasn't responded to any of my friendly calls to see how she is doing. I also emailed her a letter stating that I didn't think I would lose her as a friend .

The question is.. why is she avoiding me, how do i get back in her life and did I do something wrong to a potential love of my life?

[Cain]

You're only hearing one side of the story. If it was really that bad and she really loved you like she says, then she'd be with you.

[carl1222]

Hi Goodguy,

It's pretty easy to figure out what probably happened here.

Between her boyfriend and you, she had one good boyfriend. He gave her the stability and assertiveness that she needed with her submissive personality, but was cold and demeaning. You gave her the unconditional emotional support, respect and tenderness to fill in the gap.

As long as you were willing to accept an hour a week, she was able to comfortably juggle having a boyfriend and lover simultaneously. Truth is, she probably didn't want to leave either of you because you and her boyfriend complement each other so well. Once you made demands for more, i.e. an exclusive relationship, she finally had to choose and you were odd man out.

It's also possible that her boyfriend got wind of your affair (what self-respecting control freak boyfriend wouldn't have access to his girlfriend's phone, voicemail, email, etc.?) and forced her to shut you down.

What was your mistake? Getting involved in a romantic affair with a woman who was in a committed relationship!

Best of luck.

Carl.

[IndiReloaded]

Is this a duplicate thread?

[Indus18]

I agree with carl1222. Unless you can provide the same lifestyle for her, that's probably her motivation for staying w/ Mr. Hedgefund. The good news? With hedgefunds and banks bearing the brunt of this economic collapse, his advantage might be bottoming out! Unless I'm wrong about your discrepancies, she should be calling you soon, lol...

[goodguy85]

The main thing that upsets me is that there was no closure. The only painful thing is that there was no closure with someone that I considered a great friend. Not once has a call or email (total of 3) been returned. I believe everyone in life needs closure to learn and successfully move along.

[Not_unusual]

leaving someone u live with relly isnt that easy - i should know.

if youre orepared to wait, then wait. she will come to her sences f she really does love you.

however, u need to ask yourself if you love her enough to get hurt, because you will get hurt every day she is with him.