The fight

[blue]

Sam & I had a biggie yesterday when we woke up. The problem we are having is my brother who is my roommate. My bro he’s normal but not normal like he can’t cook on the stove etc.... he just does not possess common sense, and if he does no one would know it because of these problems everyone has enabled him. So I am constantly cleaning up after my slob brother and my mom asked me to deal with it please so he doesn’t move back in with her ( my parents have issues with this) & now I am too. Sam was not happy when he saw the kitchen an utter disaster, so he was aggravated, so I was going to go shop and then he made a comment that I never say or do anything about it and that pissed me off. Then he proceeded to not feel needed and tell me he was leaving me! And he left. He actually left me. So I left he called me & asked when I would be back to so he could pack up his stuff, I came home he pretended to pack and we sat down and talked then we laughed at ourselves and we cuddled a bit he gave me some kisses apologies were made and dinner was cooked but I just didn’t want to get close to him last night and I shot down most of his attempts not rudely or crudely but just because I was hurt that he would just say he was going to leave me and I was hurt and the whole thing was a mess and I know people fight but I don’t want to feel like he is going to leave me every time we have an issue. There have been two fights in the past where he has made this kind of comment but he was outside on the steps and we make up talk immediatley. The whole situation just made me feel like he was just so quick to out on me.

[vashti]

He threatened to leave because you clean up after your brother? That is really odd.

Are you sure you really like him? Because I don't think *I* could live with that kind of instability.

Maybe you should tell him that you are unwilling to tolerate that kind of threatening, and the next time he does it you are letting him go. (But only say it if you mean it.)

Otherwise, I guess you will have to learn how to live with this.

[blue]

Vashti,
He is always cleaning up my brothers mess i mean everytime and so the other day i guess he just got so agravated, it all escalated becasue i did not want him to be agravated and sundays are our day so i did not want the mess to get to him but he proceeded and then i told him that i would just go to the store casue i really did not want to be around him at the moment. I know ouch! then he argued with me about never speaking up, which i do just maybe not as much as he would like. That really offended me that he would point that out and thats when things got ugly and then he said im leaving you, he was not at my steps he was gone!!!! i felt really hurt and the same thing came to my mind that you stated if this is the way its going to be then im better off!!! He said he would never do it again and i believe him. I cant take that kind of instability at all and if he would not have been there last night and let it go further i would have said screw him.. i would have been sad but im just not with that anymore. I really do like him alot and care about him and we were able to sit and communicate 98% of the time. He rarely does anything wrong at all. The whole him leaving me thing twisted me last nite and made me think y so quick to go? I'm thinking that maybe a question i need to ask today. Maybe his ex wife tolerated it but for me there wont be a next time.

[vashti]

Ahh - I misunderstood. I thought YOU were cleaning up after your brother.

I think if your brother doesn't learn to participate in keeping the place clean, he should find somewhere else to go. It is wrong of your mom to lay this burden on you, and it is obviously creating a problem.

If YOU are doing all the cleaning, and you don't really mind it, then your boyfriend should just shut up about it.