Just got back together with my girlfriend of 2 years. Need some help please!!

[berg101]

Hi everyone.

Okay I will give you a little background information. I am 22 and my girlfriend is 19, we were together for two years and then at the start of September I decided to break up with her, my reasoning behind this was because I felt like we had drifted really far apart and for the last few months all we had done was argue - we had both stopped making an effort to see each other and we basically seemed to be stuck in a 'rut'. If ever we saw each other we would just watch tv and stay in - we used to go out all the time but that just stopped. I felt that it was the time for us both to go our separate ways. She was devastated about the separation and went from being really angry with me and upset to then being really nice and always wanting to talk to me. Anyway I kept telling her we needed to give it some more time before we met up, just to let the dust settle a bit.

I started going out and seeing my friends and one of my friends introduced me to this girl who I met up with a couple of times afterwards - she told me she really liked me and would like to see where we could go (if im being honest that freaked me out slightly given that I had just been in a really serious long term relationship). I stopped speaking to her as often after that night and we never slept together or anything else. My ex found out that I had been met up with this girl and was upset. Anyway my Ex carried on emailing me and wanting to see me so we started to talk more and things seemed really light hearted and fun and I was loving speaking with her again, when she sent me a message it made me smile - it was great. So we met up and one thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together. She felt bad afterwards and was worried about me having used her - I assured her that that was not the case at all. So we continued to see each other and she went off to uni and we carried on talking. She came back for the weekend two weeks ago and we went out on friday night and then spent the day together on saturday and then the weekend just gone we did the same. We went out and she kept cuddling up to me and then when we got back home and went to bed she just wanted to snuggle with me and be close at one point she told me to put my arm around her again because it made her feel safe.

Anyway the problem is that I don't know really how she feels - when we first saw each other and slept together I told her lets just take it slow and she agreed. We also said that we would have to make some changes to our relationship if it was going to work this time. Since then however I have just found my heart yearning for her. I guess I was hoping that we could just pick up where we left off. I don't know how to approach this with her and I don't want to come across as being pathetic, but the truth is I am still madly in love with her and I want to tell her that, but I don't know how she would react. The other night the words "I love you" nearly slipped out of my mouth, force of habit I guess. The problem is that I don't really know how she feels and I am looking for a girls perspective on this. I have never worried about when or how often I text her but now I am worried about that. With her being away at uni it is extremely difficult to tell how she feels - She wanted me to go and stay with her this weekend though which I am doing.

I think the reason I am having difficulty with this right now is because we started seeing each other again just as she was going off to uni, so we didn't really get much time to spend together.

Any help would be greatly appreciated. If you could give me some tips on how to tell via phone and text how she really feels that would be great. I can pick out the signs in person but via text it is difficult. Also do you girls think its corny getting a message in the morning saying "enjoy your day " I used to do this all the time but stopped doing it a few months ago.

Once again any advice would be superb. Thanks in advance.

Berg x

[kbee]

You are making this way too complicated. You know this girl; you've spent at least 2 years in a relationship with her. If you love her, tell her how you feel. But make sure that's exactly how you feel. If you really do, you will say it without fear of judgement or rejection, or an expectation that she will say it back. Just don't say it too often. Let her breathe, but let her know you still love her and appreciate her. If you want her to have a good day and let her know you are thinking about her, text that. But don't make a routine out of it--or it will seem like you're not being genuine, or at the very least it will get boring.

How to tell what she's thinking or wanting? Ask her! Tell her it is more difficult to gauge how she feels when she is away. But I think she's making it clear that she wants to be with you and probably still loves you. She sends you messages. She communicates her fears and concerns with you (example: having sex). She cuddles up to you. She says she feels safe in your arms. She was devastated when you broke up with her initially, and now she has agreed to be with you again after you broke her heart. Just don't do it again--respect her in every way: communication, boundaries, honesty, kindness, chivalry (but don't compromise yourself in the process-that is unattractive). She'll get it, and she'll show it in her actions and words. It sounds like she knows how to express herself, and if she's not clear, again, ask her!

It looks like you are experiencing confusion because she is absent more often, but also maybe because she's being cautious, which I don't blame her. You broke her heart. So if she is having a hard time opening up to you, be patient. You hurt her. But you're lucky she accepted you back--not many girls will do that. Give her time. She probably still loves you but is being cautious. If you want to keep her, listen to her, respect her, and don't hurt her again.

Good luck!

[berg101]

Thanks Kbee for your honest response - you are 100% correct in everything you have said. She probably feels the exact same as I do but doesn't want to tell me she loves me in case I don't feel the same and end up hurting her again. I also believe that she is being cautious because toward the end of our relationship I began bailing on plans we had made, or I would say 'yeah lets do this and that' and then never actually do this and that - this weekend is probably a test for me, to see if I have changed and do actually go and see her (which I 100% am doing). I will probably notice a big difference once I have proven that I am serious about us and about the way I want the relationship to develop.

Thanks again.