Breakup

[Jeremy]

Hello,
My Name is Jeremy. Iam from Czech republic. Iam sorry about my english.

Here is what happened:

We were dating for 7 years. We started when we both were 17 years old.
We had great relationship ( of course week phases and strong phases). My parents loved her and her parents me.
In December she get a job and everything has changed.
I was feeling there is something wrong between us.
But i didnt know what. I told her some of my worries, but she said Its not true.
One time we went out and she started crying, i asked her " Whats up?"
She told me that she was thinking about my worries and about our relationship.
And maybe she thinks about it too much. She told me that she doesnt know if she is still in love with me and that she doesnt want to hurt me no more and that she wants to breakup.
Everybody was shocked... She told me that she doesnt want to erase me from her life, cuz she still has feelings to me and she wants to stay really good friends. We met day after, she was really OK. But i was really down.
Next week i flight to vacation for 14 days. When i came back i feel really good and i asked her for a badminton game. She agreed, but day before she texted me " i think its not good idea, i need more time. Iam not prepared to see you again. I need a space for breathing" I was confused...Because 14 days ago she was really Ok.
Then i implemented NO Contact strategy After one week in No contact she texted me. She wanted to chit chat. I told her that iam busy.
Next friday she texted me again how are u... I told her iam really fine, cuz Iam going on Davis Cup semifinals. She told me: " Thats great, but i wanted to ask u for meet up in pub" I told her, Davis Cup is ending in 9:30 evening and its too late. She wrote " aah, what about saturday??" I replied that Davis Cup starts in 14:30 till 18:00. She wrote : "In the evening iam going on wine with girls, but what about lunch??" I told her its not possible to meet, because iam busy. But i am free on Tuesday. She replied: " Thats fine, i like to see you again. "

Maybe she is confused. I thing song Pink - Just give me a reson. Is about me and her.

There is no other guy. She is still single and she doesnt dating.

What dou you think about this??
Thank you for your advice.




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[kathrinanina07]

Hi, I am a woman.. And I would like to tell you about my personal opinion..
Sometimes, some women want to feel secured..
Women are very moody, and "masochist"
They sometimes want to break-up just to hear their man tell them not to, and to stop them from doing so. It is just a way for us to feel secured and important. I guess she really didn't intend to break up..
Again, this is all from my personal view..

[Jeremy]

Yes, u are right. She told me " Maybe one time we will be back together, but now its not possible" i think everything is happening in her head.


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[Valixy]

Sometimes young people who start a relationship as teenagers may experience some doubts a few years later. You have reacted in a good way I think, giving her space and time, but most importantly showing her that you can be happy on your own and your life doesn't revolve around her.

She should be able to feel stronger either about the relationship with you or being single now that the moment of crises has passed and hopefully she'll be clear about this, but if her confusion continues, you'll just have to trust yourself and decide what you think it's best for you.

[Jeremy]

She asked me to meet up. We are going tomorow. I can pay The Hilton Skybar. She has never been there, maybe this can put me back on the track.
Or we can can go, to a shitty pub for a beer.
Of course i am not going to tell her about Hilton, it will be surprise...

What do you think??
Thx.


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[Valixy]

If you can afford going to a special place, do that. It will be ideal if you two succeed to connect again, and if you don't, she will still be left with a special memory of your evening together.

[Jeremy]

Thx.
I think special place for a special evening, its good.
What about flower? Should i buy a ome rose? Or let it be??


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[Valixy]

In my opinion, you should only give her a rose tomorrow evening or the next day if you two end up back together. If not, well, there won't be much need for romantic gestures, will it? Anyway, you should try to keep your hopes in check, look relaxed and keep it casual at the beginning. It would be great if you could let her express her feelings first, since she was the one with the doubts.

[Jeremy]

This is the point. Iam thinking about. If we go to the Hilton, i will show her my cards, that i want be back together.


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[Valixy]

It's important that you feel encouraged to speak about your feelings. She will need to express some of her feelings first through words, gestures, eye contact... Don't just give her your heart again. She had it and gave up to it. Unless she is emotionally open to you in a similar way, saying that she has missed you and wants you back in her life, I don't think that you should express your love for her first. She got bored because there was no more emotional challenge in the relationship, she knew she had you and that you had her. Maybe you should play with her a little bit, look interested but not madly in love, flirt with her and if she responds positively, you could try to see her again in a few days and build up the romance again. It would be like dating used to be at the beginning, exciting and unpredictable, when she used to wonder just how much you liked her and how she could make you like her even more instead of being sure that she had your heart on the palm of her hand.

[Jeremy]

Yeah. I have to stay the same. Keep distance... And looks like a casual " cocky" guy.
She has asked me to meet up. She has to choose the place, and way of conversation.



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[Valixy]

Absolutely. Unless she suddenly declares her feelings for you in a very passionate and total way, you shouldn't make great declarations of love either.

The best way to achieve the right attitude is trying to imagine that you're not going to meet the girl you've been with for 7 years and broke up with a month ago, but a girl, any girl that you've just met and you're having a first date with her maybe. It won't work perfectly but it should give you an idea of how your frame of mind should be: relaxed, a bit detached but also receptive towards her and interested, trying to flirt with her probably and get her interested in you. Something like that... The important thing is not to look like a puppy in love, but relaxed and confident and trying to read the signals she is sending you and not saying any big love words without hearing them first. She should win her way back in your heart, right?

And you could always suggest going to a different place before or after you meet, not so much as a special place for a special occasion for you two but simply a new place you've started to like lately.

[Jeremy]

This is it, our first meeting after breakup:

We met on 18:30.

At the first time... We both wanted to keep distance. And we doesnt know what to expect. It was strange, we hugged. Than we went to the pub. We were talking about some bullshits.
Than she asked me " Do u have a girlfriend" I replied : No.
Then she asked me again if i moved over the break up.
I told her yes, cuz i had to, its 6 weeks ago.( its not true).
She was surprised ( but not in a good way), i think she was shocked.
But i was confident.
Then it was a chit chat. Work, family...

I scored . I asked her " Do u have a boyfriend?"
She: No i cant, its too early. Me: Did u moved over the breakup
She : Not, i can work thats all.
And she told me: i think breakup was good for both
Me: definnetly
She: are u sure?
Me: yes, cuz we both have to think about it and make decision
She: yes ( but she was surprised)
She: what so you think about our breakup?
Me: i told her truth
She: She had a weak voice and told me " why u didint told me this before"
Me: Cuz u didnt give me chance
She: i thought u never listen.
Me : u were wrong
Then we leave the pub.

After this she told me: u change my life completely.
Me: u 2
She: But u will meet a girl, that change yor life again.
Me: maybe, but u made me a better person
She: u 2
She: Are u leaving for skiing?
Me: Maybe, Austria. With Pavel and Dada.
She: i think u will go with a new girlfriend.
Me: ( i told her nothing)

Then she did step forward, she hugged me and kiss me on the cheek. She was still holding me. But i did nothing...
She told me: If u want to see me again, call me.

P.S. She told me. Your new girlfriend will change ure life againt. But not so much like me.

There was a flirting voice.
She told me that it was stereotype, but she is missing it sometimes.

Thats all.






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[Valixy]

I think you did well Jeremy taking in consideration the circumstances. She had serious doubts for several months and decided to break up with you, so it really shouldn't have been a case of you trying to convince her to go back in the relationship. She sounded more like regretting losing such an important part of her life than wanting to try again anyway, in my opinion. The feelings she still has are not strong enough right now to sustain a new love relationship with you. Maybe after doing a bit more soul searching, experimenting the not so fascinating single life and realising that she could lose you forever, she might rediscover the love for you the way she used to feel it.

She's also left the ball in your court, so depending on how you'll feel about all this, you could try to approach her again and test the waters.

[Jeremy]

Thx. But i dnot know when call her, and meet up again. What do you think?


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