Bad Breakup

[calisurfjump]

I've only been in three relationships in my life, 31yo, my last relationship ended on a real bad note. I'm a gay male and was in a relationship with my ex (he's 25) for 1.5 years (we've been friends for 3 years), out of that we lived together for the last 8 months. Well long story short we broke up last Sunday. He left to go work his second job, which is about 70 miles away, on Wed, called me on Sunday saying that he wanted to move out because he hated his current job (which he quit), and was depressed living in LA, and thinks he is hetro. Prior to our relations he was with a girl for 7 months and she cheated on him, since then he hooked up with two guys prior to our relationship. Is he gay or str8, I dont know. And also what type of girl, shes 21, would get involved with a guy who was in a relationship with another man for over one year.

Our relationship had its ups and downs (like all couples) and we were in a bit of a rough spot for a few weeks. On Sunday when we broke up, I believed he was being honest and well things had run their course. We talked on the phone and I felt he was really troubled and well needed some time to figure things out, I was relieved in a way. He cried, I cried and we decided it was best if we just kept our distance for a while, till we both healed. Well less than 24 hours later (via a third party) I find out he's jumped into a new relationship with a girl who he's only know for less than 2 weeks. I flipped out, I've never been so enraged in my life. I feel betrayed, used and just like trash. Prior to this relationship all my breakups have been amicable and I still keep in touch with my ex's. He's says he didn't cheat on me, I think he did. I just cant understand how someone can just throw away a friendship and a relationship like that. I'm really hurt, I know things werent going well, but hoped that if we didnt work out we still could be friends in the future. I know I'm going through all the usual feelings of a breakup, but just wish I could take a pill to make me forget him. I'm sooo angry right now, I mainly hate myself for not ending things sooner. Deep down inside I knew it was going to end, but I woiuld've never done what he did to me. I had to ask my parents to help me out with rent in January, and think I might have to move out cuz I cant afford this place. I'm 31 and had to ask mom to help me out, that made me feel like crap.

Right now I'm so hurt that I really dont want to let anyone close to me. Yes, I miss my ex, but know that he's not a good person for me. I should be relieved that we ended, but still miss him. I miss his company and sleeping next to him at night. Just knowing that he's not going to be next to me tomorrow morning to cuddle with makes me cry (I dont really want to sleep in our bed) . But I know that deep down inside he wasn't a good mate for me. I just cant handle these feeling right now...the ups and downs, the relieved on minute and crying the next. How I wish there was a pill I could take that would reformat my memory so their would be no trace of him in my mind. I haven't eaten since Monday (when I found out he was in a relationship with this girl), well maybe a snack here and there, but nothing substantial. I just need to hear some words of advice and when I'll feel better. I've never been cheated on and feel so horrible and used right now.


Thanks for reading this post, although it's long it was cathardic writting it.

[BeingAlpha]

The only words I can offer you are that it gets better -- I went through all the same stuff as you did the ups and downs being fine (relieved) one moment and then torn to shreds the next. It doesn't feel good to lose complete control of your emotions; one thing you need to do is just let go of the idea that he cheated on you. People react weirdly to break ups... maybe he had been hanging out with her for a while but wasn't doing anything, the best thing to do is just to let it go.

One thing that I found helped me was the exercise writing down all the things you liked about your ex and then all the things you didn't like. This includes bad things they did to you - -and it means you need to be honest; no more blocking out things from your mind because it hurts -- you want to understand right now that your ex was not good for you. Let go of the need for answers -- you won't get them, your ex may not even have them, and frankly any answer they give you won't be good enough for a wounded heart anyhow.

We are all beings of free choice -- and can choosing not to be with someone is just that a choice. It isn't something that your ex has to justify or bargain with you on...you need to accept that and as a final act of love towards him just let him be...don't reach out -- don't contact, don't respond to any contact.