This is very long and I apologize. My ex and I dated for 14 months and we were best friends for a year and a half before we started dating; we broke up a little over two weeks ago. He was completely and totally obsessed with me the entire time we were best friends, but I always refused to give him any chances. I almost did three times, but I left him every time. I finally decided to give him a chance, and we had a wonderful relationship (for the most part). I never expected to fall in love with him, but I did, and I fell really hard. And the best part is, I know he was in love with me (and still is).
We began having problems around August when he had said that he doesn't feel the same about some things anymore such as wanting to see me every day and wanting to live with me. We were young, so there was no way that was going to happen in the first place, but it kind of hurt me that he would just change his mind like that. I kind of lost trust in him after that, and he definitely noticed. He broke it off with me a month later telling me that he can't give me the commitment that I want and he feels like I would never be happy with him. He made it obvious that he was miserable without me and he told him friends how stupid of a mistake he made, so I contacted him a week after we broke up telling him that I would lay off with the commitment stuff and that I would be happy with him and trust him. We got back together and everything went great for a while.
The beginning of November is when things started getting bad again. We found ourselves talking about marriage and staying together forever, and we were both happy about it. He always told me how he thinks I'm his soul mate and he told me he knows he's in love with me. He then decided that he didn't want to talk about these things anymore (marriage, forever) because he doesn't want to do this with a high school relationship (we dated his entire senior year in high school but he is now graduated and I'm still a senior), although he does still want them. I didn't understand why and I was reluctant to accepting this at first, but I did anyways. He told me two days before Thanksgiving, "One thing I do know that I will do forever is love you because I love you too much to stop. I love you enough and you love me enough to make everything right again. I won't give up". That hit me really hard and it gave me hope again.
However, on Thanksgiving, I made a mistake. I told him that I still wanted to be with him forever and that upset him saying "I thought we weren't going to talk about this". I told him that's still what I wanted and I kept asking him if that's what he wanted, but he refused to actually say it and that confused me. I told him I would take that as a no and he said "Of course you would say that. You always expect the worst out of me". The next day, he broke up with me saying that he can't handle a relationship right now and he doesn't know if we would get back together or not when he's ready. He told me he has no intentions of getting with other girls during this time, as that's not what he wants (he's not that type of guy) and he wouldn't hurt me like that. He said that if I find someone who makes me happy before he contacts me, then I should go with them because he wants me to be happy and he really feels like he's not worth it.
I called him two days after we broke up (this was a huge mistake, I know) and told him this was all my fault and I was sorry for taking our relationship for granted and not being happy like I should have been. I said we really need to talk everything out at some point. I said there is a lot that I need to change about myself before we start dating again, and I apologized for the way I acted. He responded a few hours later saying he doesn't know what to say to me (which is understandable) and he said that "we'll see if and when the time comes" in response to we need to talk about everything.
I contacted him about a week and a half later and said I hope he was doing well and everything. I was really shocked that he was willing to talk to me. He told me he doesn't know how he's feeling, nor does he really care because he doesn't care about how he feels (he has incredibly low self-esteem and doesn't like himself very much). I asked if he still loved me and that he we would get back together at some point and he said "I do still love you, but I can't be with you because I can't handle a relationship right now. I don't know if we will get back together or not". I told him that I would wait for him and that I'm always here for when he's feeling down or if he needs someone to hold and tell him it's alright and he had said "I can't really wrap my head around why, after all of the crap that I have done to you, you would still say something like that to me. I don't deserve that kind of treatment. And I'm not worth waiting for because I'm not worth much of anything. I think you're wasting your time on someone you think matters, but doesn't". I reminded him about how I made him wait for a year and a half and how he kept returning to me even though I played him countless time, and I had asked if he felt like I was a waste of time because of that and he said "Obviously not". I said that he should know how I feel and he just said "I guess".
The last text I sent him was along the lines of how he deserves every ounce of my love and that I will always love him, and he shouldn't hesitate to contact me at any point because I would drop everything to see him again. I told him that this will be the last text I send him, but if he doesn't contact me before the New Year, then I would contact him again a little after that to see where his thoughts are on everything. He didn't respond, but I didn't expect him to.
All of his friends and family are extremely confused and disappointed as to why he broke up with me because he apparently had nothing but nice things to say about me all the time. Even his friend's families loved me! I really just hope that at that point he will still love me because I still have so much to say to him, and I know we can work everything out. But I don't know.. Am I doing the right thing by waiting? Is he going to come back?