She made contact with me,

[FrailWings]

Right guys, this is an update from my other thread "Break up, suggestions", after NC, she contact me via FaceBook chat, now it's not what i hoped for. But it was about getting our stuff back, she wanted me to take her stuff down hers and post it through the door, and do it while she's out. Which i accepted, and said i would. Unfortunately i've had to get my dog put down today, after we discovered he had a tumor on his stomach which burst, and another tumor growing in his liver. So i had to break NC, to allow her to know that things have changed, and we'll have to re-arrange. So i contacted her, and she said she's sorry to hear about my dog, but can i do the same thing at some point this week, in terms of posting it through the door.

However, this contact about re-arranging came today, and this was probably foolish for me to do, but i thought i might as well just let rip on how i feel. So i told her, i didn't appreciate how she treated me when we broke up, blocking me completely out, and finishing me via a text. I told her, we could fix this, but she isn't willing to put the effort in. That if she's in the pursuit of perfection, she won't get someone who loved her as i did. She said, "I didn't love what happened either, but all i want is my stuff back." So i messaged her back explaining, how i felt about the situation. Got no reply, i sent 3 message in total, one was lyrics of a song we both knew. For about 10 minutes, i felt better, like i got things off my chest. Probably wasn't the best thing to do, but i'd rather go down trying.

Ironically, in our relationship, i told her that, as much as she told herself i was her "Mr Perfect", she'd realise i wasn't, that she'd move on from me to her friends, because she feels she can't have both. This seems to have happened, although in our relationship, she spent alot of time with her friends, she always had a problem.

In conclusion, my dog having to be put down, due to him not being able, to stand at all completely, which had just came all of a sudden, a week ago, he was fine without any symptoms. But that's got my spirits down, however, i'm trying to tell myself me and my ex have no chance. But for some reason, i just feel like we do have a slight chance of getting back together. She did seem like she loved me alot, and i believed it, she always tell me that i had no clue what i meant to her. In an ideal world, we'd never of broke up, any differences in terms of arguments, would have been settled. But, for highs, you must have lows. I'm trying to re-discover who i was when i fall in love, and i know exactly what, caused our breakup, it was issues never addressed, built up, and it was the fact, i got really stressed out, around Christmas, because 2 years ago my brother died of Luekemia, and around Christmas i do get abit upset. So i told her, it feels like i've got dumped because of stress/upset. Because i've analyzed it, and the thing that's changed, was the amount of stressed, from our own issues. Solution? Ideally get rid of that stress, but with my ex, logic, never really overcomes her emotion, and in this case, it's doomed for failure.

Anyways guys, that's my update, i'll keep everyone posted on how it goes, whether it be we get back, which is extremely doubtful, or my road to recovery, of which i'm starting.

[ricerocket1]

bro...you gotta know what you want in order to move on...but somewhere down the road your going to have to realize whats best for you? and the sooner you know that the better...

[FrailWings]

I know deep down, i want to be back with her. But i feel like i have to move on. I've got my perspective for this relationship, and evaluated it. In an ideal world, i'd be with her, it's been nearly 2 weeks since we broke up. Whenever i've told her, whats went wrong, or if i tell her about how i feel. I get no response, which is discouraging. I've had good and bad days, ups and downs, in only 2 weeks. But hey, life goes on. I do want her back, but i'm trying to get over my stresses, and get back to what made her fall for me.

[ricerocket1]

yea usually the first month you'll have your mood swings...i did...but as soon as she said that it was over that was that for me i made sure that it is...sure i had my bumps in the road but it didn't stop me from moving on...it's been 3 months for me and it hard yes but its getting better

it seems like you know what you wanted already and why don't you do just that move on, i hate this saying but if it's meant to be then it is but only time will tell and unfortunately time is a waiting game.

for now try to do things that makes you happy, hang out with your friends, hobby, video games. that's what ive been doin and it's working, also make your first priority about yourself because right now your happiness and well being is more important

[FrailWings]

Thank you, yeah, i try to keep occupied. And it's nice hearing that you're coping after 3 months. If you haven't heard about what happened, then it's the thread called "Break up, suggestions". I have her stuff at my house, and my stuff at her house, so we've been having arrange that, as i've already posted. But i feel like i'm doing all the work, taking her, her stuff, and me having to get my own stuff. Feels like i'm doing all the running around again, instead she should be getting her own stuff. But i'm not one for being uncivil and argumentative.

[cmacattack1]

Do you see how ironic it is to say that with your ex "logic never really overcomes her emotions"

You have to stop acting on impulse. After all the talking we've done with you, why did you think it was okay to let that all out? You held NC and at one whiff of her showing you attention you burst out all this shit about your relationship and then showered her with attention again? Why did you do this? Why did you not calm down and think about it and consult with other people before you did this? Why do you have to learn this the hard way? WHY?!?!

What were you expecting when you did? Sure it felt good to air out all the thoughts on your mind, but what did that truly accomplish? You can air your thoughts out to anybody, why her? She is the only person that can truly make you feel better and I think you were under the illusion that there was some big speech that could win her back. And you won't understand this but you just made things worse in the long run.

You showed her how messed up and confused you are by ripping into her and then saying "Oh it can work, we can fix it, you need to step up to the plate." Why the hell would she after all that? You are still running high on emotion. You need to stop everything you are doing, stop listening to the crazy shit going on in your head and look to logic right now. Since you apparently have none, you need to listen to me or somebody else that is completely foreign to your relationship for some sense.

You are in some serious pain right now and you are doing this because you want that pain to go away. We've established she's the only one that can take that away. You are doing whatever it takes to get her to either cave (which she won't and if she did you both would be broken up very soon after), or completely shut you out of her life. Then you can feel that "Oh she's completely gone" and you will be able to heal. But if you really want to be with her, why would you push her to the point where she never wants to hear or see you again? That makes absolutely no sense.

You and her are over. There is nothing you can do to win her over and bring her back. Stop concentrating your energy and thoughts into thinking that there is a way. There isn't. I will tell you from my personal experience that I've done everything you have (minus the song lyrics but add some letters) and I couldn't have hated myself more for it. I've toyed with NC, I've chased after her during the time of alone and uncertainty in hopes of guilting her back to me, and guess where she is now? With another guy. And guess who's the ridiculous ex who is pouring out all these emotions for a girl he doesn't have and pining for her and unable to live without her? The ex that will never have her back.

You keep thinking that you have some small hope, that your love was true, that it'll work out in the end but it's just a mental trap and it's eating away at your determination to get your life back on track. Stop thinking about it in those terms and realize that everything you are doing is pushing her far away. Neediness and all that. You need to be away from her and without any contact for a very long time before she would even entertain the idea of you two again.

I just read that it's been two weeks but I'm telling you that you need to do some damage control right now and minimize what you have done by zero contact. NC. Nothing. Even if she talks to you. Nothing. Get the stuff out of your house and leave it out there for her to get.

[FrailWings]

It wasn't the first sniff. She contacted me the previous night, to which i gave a quick reply, and basically got our. My emotions were running extremely high at the time, because of what happened at the time. I do want her back, believe me, i do. But i did feel i was pushing her away with NC, regardless if it's counter-intuitive. I'm taking her stuff down some point this week, and getting the hell out of there. I realised what i did, but i'm not the person to just completely stop, and it's a trait i have, i'm relentless. Obviously for the worst here. But in the end, i did tell her, in the messages that, "i'd rather not let it linger so i could move onto a new chapter". That i didn't like the way it all happened, and how i was treat. I said, we could of made it happen, but it was all pointless, and now, we both want completely different things, so we need to sort something out and get our stuff back. I never pleaded, i never begged.

Was that the wrong move? Completely, because now, i understand what you're saying.

[ricerocket1]

good im glad you left there with some dignity..just get a box and take all her stuff, when i had to move out i made sure i have nothing to come back for. when she do pick it up try to leave it at some friends house that you both know so you it'll save you the trouble of seeing her.

we all make mistakes and telling that yourself over and over again wont help, think about it dwell on it and then move on. sure i think about what it couldve been and what if i did this or that but suddenly realize that im not perfect never was but never will but im working on my flaws days in and out to better myself

[FrailWings]

So I should take her stuff to her or make her get it off me?

[SamFrmMelbourne]

FrailWings, I'm having a similar situation

I plan to take my ex's stuff to her house and give them to her in person. I won't say anything about our relationship. I will just do it quickly and leave. It's a walk down the memory lane for me. Very painful, it will be. But I know I'd need to do it to get over her.

Show it to her that you're a changed man now, that you can survive without her, that your life is as brilliant as it was when she was a part of it.

[nov13]

FrailWings,

I don't exactly know your situation--your level of closeness. And if because you guys have broken up so many times before, she thinks this is not serious/is a game in a way. Or if she is so used to you begging her to come back, that she is just testing you. That is very dangerous in a relationship. Also if there is pride involved. (Pride is one of the biggest sins in a relationship--relationship destroyer.)

So, you need to make certain this is truly what she wants and she isn't just testing you/being prideful/wanting to get a reaction:

First you need to tell her how much you love her, and how much she means to you.
Then, that you don't want to break up, and that if she truly wants to, it's entirely her choice and not yours....and tell her that you will have to honor it. Tell her to be completely honest, put her pride aside, not play games with you and answer the question (if she truly wants this break up and that you will completely believe the answer she gives you) and that once she makes that choice, she makes it for the two of you and any regrets in the future will be entirely hers because you didn't want to end it, she did.

If she says she doesn't want to be with you, give her her stuff and don't look back. You've done all you could have done and you can move on with clear conscience.

[cmacattack1]

I'm sorry Nov13, I whole heartedly disagree. If she was just dumping him maybe, but it's been a couple weeks. Here's why:

She's already established that she wants to be apart from him. She already dumped him and just asked for her stuff back. She already knows you love her, you've told her. She already knows this isn't what you want. You've told her and shown her many many times. Putting her on the spot and saying "This is it" will not pressure her into getting back with you. She's already made the decision, she has to live with the consequences. Only then will she decide how she feels and if she wants you back in her life. This is scary, but as I've mentioned before, your happiness isn't based on having her in your life. You absolutely do not need her to be happy. Do you agree with this statement? It will make all the difference, I promise.

[FrailWings]

I've had good times without her in my life. I've been to a few parties in 2 weeks. And it was great. Spending time with friends and I've made many more friends. I was at a party this weekend, and I got to know some nice people. 2 girls which don't stop texting me, and want to go out with me, I think. But I'm not ready for yet, besides it's not them that I truly want.

[FrailWings]

Right, i've got an update. I've learnt she's blocked me off msn. However i have 2 msn accounts, and hasn't blocked me on my 2nd account. Bit strange how she's got lyrics saying "I'd promise to remember; but making promises is always a mistake".

However, i've learnt that she's just quit her job, because of the pressure they put on her. So she's getting a new job. Tomorrow i think i'll take her stuff down to her, and i'll get my stuff. I'm not going to say much at all, just, "Thanks & Bye". From tomorrow, full NC, will start. I hope the saying is right that, "Time spent away, makes the heart grow fonder".

[w3llborn]

I hope the saying is right that, "Time spent away, makes the heart grow fonder".

I also hoped that this saying was true, for some it may be true. I just want to tell you not to get your hopes too high that things will work out. Its good that you are going to stick with the NC, but you have to realize that there is a very large chance that things will never work out. Basically what im trying to say is don't try to move on with that strong hope still inside you. It is what I did, and then when I found out she had already moved on with a new guy, it hurt even more. But hey, you never know. Everyone is different and maybe you do need some time apart. Only time will tell unfortunately and waiting really does suck, but its all you can really do.