I really need some advice. Please assist me people!

[ilomada]

I would like to make this post easy to read.

My History

I am twenty years old (male). At this moment, I am very frustrated. I've never experienced a loving relationship with a female. I've had sex on numerous occasions but only because I paid for it or promised something in return. I became sexually active at age eighteen (maybe 19). I'm going to be 21 years old in 7 months, and I never experienced real love from a female. Sex is okay, but I'm looking for something much more.

In the past, I was very shy. Girls have shown interest in me during my school years, but I always blocked their advances. Again, because I was extremely shy and afraid of making mistakes. I didn't build confidence until around 17 or 18, but it was too late. From my senior year in H.S. until now, I have been manipulated and hurt by many girls.

I am not ugly! I don't have exceptional looks, but most girls shouldn't be ashamed to say that I'm their boyfriend. I don't have any overly annoying habits nor do I put off "stalker" vibes. I'm very hygenic and always keep my body and breath smelling good --- and my teeth white. I'm not really into fashion, but I don't dress like a bum. You won't ever see me buying name brand clothes or follow trends.

Oh, I'm african-american...if that helps somehow.

Relevent Info On Girl

I met this girl online about three weeks ago. I initiated the contact by sending her an extremely weird email. She surprised me by sending an email back and actually liked what I said. She then gave me her screen name two or three emails later. We continued our weird conversation on AIM for about three or four days. I was going to keep our relationship strictly online, but I began to like her a lot more after seeing what type of personality she had.

She's 17 and will be 18 right around my birthday. She's a model with a beautiful body. At first glance, someone may think she's easy or maybe just a b1tch...but that's not the case at all. She's asian/italian.

So...we talked online for about three weeks. We gradually became more comfortable with each other. Last week, she gave me her number. We talked on the phone for about an hour or two. She lives very close so we decided to meet up on the weekend. That meeting went great. We actually hung out again on Sunday (this past Sunday) and spent about an hour with each other.

She had a daughter at age 16. Apparently, her and the father (who's also 17) don't get along and she assures me there's no more feelings towards him...

ANYWAY, HERE ARE THE QUESTIONS!

1. I was always told, don't listen to what a person says, but instead look at what a person does. So, this girl tells me she broke up and doesn't get along with her baby's father. However, she went to a party on Friday and paid $25 for a "lapdance" from John ("ex"-boyfriend) and some other guy. This party was actually a benefit party for the tsunami disaster.

She's also going to practice every Saturday and Sunday night for a birthday party in March. She has to learn some dances...and guess who's the dance partner is?...John ("ex"-boyfriend and baby's father).

Now, am I being just an ass for thinking she's playing me? What can be the explanation for dancing with an ex-boyfriend that you supposedly don't get along with?

2. On the other hand, she seems to be really comfortable talking to me and being around me. She told me a lot about her family, her past, details about what she's doing...it doesn't seem like she's uncomfortable around me. I told her that I will not subject myself to being an emotional tampon and I don't want to hear about all of your problems if you only consider me as a friend. I didn't say this in a mean way, but she replied by saying "i feel close to you and that's why I'm telling you these things."

So, will she continue moaning to me while she gets freaky with another guy? Will I become the guy she calls after she gets hurt by some jerk? I am not the guy to **** with now...and I don't have time for games. I may have been gullable in the past, but I'm different. By the way, I don't have any problems comforting her or cheering her up...but I don't want to be used.

3. The second time I met with her (on Sunday), I told her that I really liked her and I would be open to a relationship. I also said that I am willing to take it slow. I wanted her to know that I have more than just friendship feelings.

She didn't object to this, but she didn't accept it either. She says that I shouldn't get strong feelings for her right now because she doesn't want to hurt me. Her excuse was that her "ex"-boyfriend treated her badly and she's hesistant about getting into another relationship. She admits that I am different and very respectful.

Is she basically letting me down easy?

4. If she isn't bullshitting me, then I would like to continue our relationship. However, based on the fact that she's worried about getting hurt again, how should I treat her? Should I continue showing affection here and there...or should I completely stop complimenting her to keep our conversations basic?

5. On the other hand, Valentine's Day is coming up. Should I get a card and *maybe* some candy?

6. We have talked on the phone about 10 times over the course of 4 days. She'll sometimes call me in the morning before I go to work, or around midnight after she gets home from work. Could she just be bored or does she enjoy talking to me?

7. Since we have met two times and she continues to call, she must think I'm okay looking. Wouldn't most girls start creating excuses if a guy was ugly or put off weird vibes?

NOTE: I may seem like I'm not very trusting. That is partially true. However, my bullshit meter is always on high since so many girls have played me. I have come to the conclusion to perceive all women as heartless bitches unless they prove otherwise. So that's why I'm giving this girl a bunch of shit tests. So far...she passed all of them except the ex-boyfriend thing. I want to know why she's still hanging with him if he treated her badly etc. I know they have a baby together but other than arranged pick-ups, why hang out with him during social events?

I swear...this girl claims that she's being honest with me. She seems sincere and very down to earth. But if it turns out that she's been playing me all along, then I'm gonna give up. When I say give up...I mean literally throw in the towel. She'll be the 15th female in two years to totally screw with me.

What's the ****ing point of life if you don't have someone that will love and support you? I'm still young...but should I really believe women will change? Do I really wanna wait until I am thirty to find women that spent their teen years and 20's messing around with all types of guys and have baggage out the door? A relationship must be special because everybody wants to have a boyfriend or girlfriend. I'm tired of missing out...

I may not be the jerk that most girls are attracted to...or a hunk like Brad Pitt /George Clooney. But I have very good qualites. Why can the guys who treat girls like crap get all the women? HELLO LADIES...I am TOUGH, but not a JERK. I am ROMANTIC...

Can someone answer my questions or offer me some insight? Thanks!!

[Cybog]

Wow. This is a barrage of questions, but basically it all boils down to the fact that you want a roadmap into this chick's head.

Plain and simple, nobody here can give you that roadmap. What I can tell is a way to not let you get yourself hurt.

#1. Take things slow EMOTIONALLY. Realize that this broad isn't the girl you are going to marry tomorrow. She isn't your girlfriend, and you aren't "together". Yet. You need to take things very slow with your emotions. You have been through a lot of shit, so don't set yourself up for a fall. Just realize that she isn't your girlfriend, and there are plenty of other women out there. Don't "fall" for this chick so fast.

I have a feeling that this might be one of your main issues in the past - Falling too fast, and then crashing at the end. Take a deep breath and tell yourself "I'm gonna do things MY way this time around" and let things happen as they happen.

The more and faster you want to "be" with her, the faster and easier it is for you to get hurt in the end.

#2. Tell her you really don't give a flying **** about her ex, and ask her not to talk to you about it. Ever. (And then mean it.) Nothing sucks more ass than listening to some broad whine about their ex. To you, he doesn't exist. And make sure she understands this, and abides by it.

Should I continue showing affection here and there...or should I completely stop complimenting her to keep our conversations basic?

Consider this "Relationship-Lite" and do like she asks. Dude, slow down. You don't have to fall in love with this chick tonight. There is no reason to.

5. On the other hand, Valentine's Day is coming up. Should I get a card and *maybe* some candy?

No. Why should you? You aren't "together", and she said that. If you do this, she will know that she has you in the palm of her hand and can twist you left or right. Don't even talk about Hallmark/Valentines Day. There is no reason to.

7. Since we have met two times and she continues to call, she must think I'm okay looking. Wouldn't most girls start creating excuses if a guy was ugly or put off weird vibes?

Stop worrying so much about how you look, and more about how you are. Girls can smell a non-confident guy. And you are Mr. Confident about life and about yourself. Tell yourself that 15 times a day. Eventually it will be true.

3. The second time I met with her (on Sunday), I told her that I really liked her and I would be open to a relationship. I also said that I am willing to take it slow. I wanted her to know that I have more than just friendship feelings.

She didn't object to this, but she didn't accept it either. She says that I shouldn't get strong feelings for her right now because she doesn't want to hurt me. Her excuse was that her "ex"-boyfriend treated her badly and she's hesistant about getting into another relationship. She admits that I am different and very respectful.

Is she basically letting me down easy?

Dude, you have met her in person TWICE. What the hell do you mean "a relationship?" You don't know this girl! Slow the **** down junior! This is why you are working towards #15. You are jumping in too godamn fast. You are 21 years old. Unless you get hit by a falling piano tomorrow, you have years and years ahead of you. Whats the big ****in hurry to marry this chick?

I swear...this girl claims that she's being honest with me. She seems sincere and very down to earth. But if it turns out that she's been playing me all along, then I'm gonna give up.

#3. Just take her word for it. As of yet you really don't have anything substantial. She isn't your girlfriend, so what are you going to do? Accuse her of cheating on you? On a scale of 1-10, this relationship is currently at 1.2 and still has a longass way to go.

Chill out. One day at a time.

[knightlionheart]

Ok dude, i have to agree with what cybog had to say!! but since ur the kind of guy who gets laid pretty often, which was mostly physically inclined, i'm surprised u fell emotionally!! well its ok....there's still time to redeem yerself!! ok u gotta understand one thing man, if the female isn't attracted to u, there's no way in hell u can make her attracted to u!! at this point i can just put it straight to ya...she isn't attracted to u!! so ur just wasting yer time!! and what the hell u doin, goin and telling her u really like her and stuff!! that will freak out anybody, who u just met like 2-3 times!! listen man, u just entered her friend zone, and u can't get out now!! the only thing u can do is just to use her to broaden yer social circle!!! get her to inroduce u 2 her friends, which i doubt she'll do at this point!! girls talk man, no matter how close u r to them!! in anycase, just play it cool, and pretend its no big deal and don't give her all yer time!! let her know that u have a life of yer own and that u give her time because, u choose to and not because she wants to kill her spare time!! for the rest follow cybog's advice and some of the other stuff i wrote on others posts!! laters!!