Confused about a friend

[knc1721]

Ok I need advice. Basically my problem is between me and one of my really good guy friends, Ryan. And here's the background info, I was in a relationship with a guy, Michael, for 3 years. Ryan is Michael's best friend. I was with Michael for a solid 2 1/2 years before I found out, by Ryan who was drunk when he told me, that Michael had cheated on me a couple of different times throughout our relationship. We then broke up and were off and on for 6 months before I called the whole thing quits because I just couldn't get over it and it was never the same after that. Me and Michael remained good friends and he got a new girlfriend a month or two after we were completely done. About 6 months after that, me and Ryan ended up getting drunk and having sex. The next week we had sex a couple more times and then stopped, realizing that it would never work out. That was about a year and a half ago. I am still good friends with Michael and he is still best friends with Ryan, of course Michael never found out that Ryan and I had slept together. Ryan and I have never spoke about it since. The problem is that a friend of mine that knows all of this told me that Ryan is thinking about us again and wants to give it a real shot.

I really liked ryan a year and a half ago but I had to make myself realize that it would never work out and to get over it so that we could still be friends. He is one of my closest friends. So I guess my question is how bad would it be if me and Ryan tried dating just to see where it went and if it worked out or not? I already know that michael would be mad at both of us, but we're older now and he is still with his girlfriend so he shouldn't really care right? I want to still be friends with michael, we have been through so much and so have him and Ryan. So I guess what I'm asking is in your opinion would Ryan be off-limits? What would you do in my situation?

Thanks for any advice.

[Gigabitch]

So you're "friends" with these two guys you've slept with? I think we have to find a better word than that. Michael and Ryan are friends. YOU are their ex-lover.

I think you should continue on without either one of them. There are over three billion men on this planet. You can find one that doesn't involve you in awkward relationship geometry.

Just out of curiosity, why is it that you and Ryan decided that it could never work? Was it because he was buddies with the cheater? Did that make you both feel like cheaters too?

[knc1721]

Yes, we both agreed that it could never work because of Michael and Ryans friendship. I didn't feel like a cheater but I guess in some way Ryan could have.

But, you're right I probably should stay away from it all. I just don't want there to always be that "what if".

[The_bobb]

If it's not that "what if" it'll be another one. Later down the road when you've single handedly destroyed their friendship and they hate each other. Then even farther down the road, when you guys give up on dating, you would have effectively went from 3 friends to 3 people that hate each other. THEN you'll be like "what if" about NOT going out with him.

Don't do it... listen to Giga. You guys already decided it wouldn't work. Stick with that plan.