Need some male advice! What is he thinking- if at all..

[alaniswhite]

Hey! So I'll try to cut a long story short:
Maybe you've heard this a hundred times anyway!

So there is this guy at work, we know each other now for over 6 years. Been friends a long time, over several relationships ( not with each other).
He saw me getting married to a man who does not love me.
Then about 3 years ago we started an affair- purely sexual- or so I thought!
Sometimes I had other man and he had other women! But we always ended up together again!
So a view weeks ago we met again and all was very different- it did not feel like sex more like making love!
He told me several times he would have liked to marry me. Wich I am still- only on paper.
He kissed me at work and so on... then on sunday he would not look at me at all...I was really confused and so it goes since then, one day he seems all in love with me- the other day he is ignoring me completely!
Maybe u could tell me: did I do something wrong? Is something wrong with him or why does he behave like this????

[xxazurexx]

Men who really like you, don't blow hot and cold with you. When they blow hot and cold....it means you are usually a 'backup plan'. He throws breadcrumbs occasionally and to keep you sweet and hanging on in there. The reason why he wants to keep you hanging on in there, is because you willingly and in the past had sex with him and more recently had sex - you supply him with 'sex on tap' and he knows he can always come to you for sex, when his other options dry up.....so yeah, he will keep you 'sweet' now and again.

If this man was really into you (you've known him 6 years), he'd be making it CLEAR he was. Men who like you, don't show interest one minute and ignore you the next.

You are no more than 'another' piece of ass to him.

[alaniswhite]

Thanks for ur answer!Ahhh just ****ing great! Would u think it better to just ask him the for the truth or end the frienship altoghter?

[xxazurexx]

I'd personally end a friendship with a guy I'd slept with and who blew hot and cold on me afterwards.
I wouldn't allow any guy to fck with my head in this way.

I'd know it was just the 'sex' he was probably after and I can find better friends than that!

You can too

[Incognito]

I have to agree. If this guy stated that he wished that he'd have married you AND MEANT IT, he'd be all over you. If it were me I'd have been pressing you to get a divorce so that we could be together. I certainly wouldn't have ignored you at all. Don't bother talking to him because men like him always have an excuse or some 'pretty words' to keep you near. He has already proven what he is after, and if you aren't ok with that arrangement (being a f*ck buddy) then you should just cut contact and move on.

[SelflessnHumble]

Why did you get married? Was it because you "thought" you loved him too? Was it arranged?
Why do you think the marriage is "just on paper" WHEN both of you swore (til death) to love, honor and cherish each other: for better or for worse?

It sounds like YOU have a history of failed relationships so before we even begin to address HIS issues with you: don't you think
it's time to get in touch with yourself and figure out WHY you can't keep a guy in your life?

You are dealing with a lying, cheating manipulative and dishonest piece of shit.
When someone willfully helps a married women to commit adultery: it says a LOT about his character.

Now, because you "felt" (AGAIN) with someone else that it was making love...and he kissed you at work and tells you he would have liked to marry you
YOU are confused???

What is wrong: You, and him are what's wrong with this hollow relationship built on sex (not love)
A man cannot respect an adulterous woman...Don't expect him to.
You need to learn how to cut ties, end relationships BEFORE making new ones.

[alaniswhite]

So first to my marriage: I really loved this man! he was all I ever dreamed of! but 25 years my senior! One day he turned around and said he loves me as a daughter but not as a wife! How unfair is that?!?!? You say a man can not respect an adulterous woman? And what about my husbands promise on my wedding day eh? And to subject no 2: we have been friends a long time! and he is still there for me whenever I need a shoulder to cry on! I never felt used! Yes we had some fun together because my husband refused!!!! to sleep with me for over 3 years!!! Why I was asking the question is that I kept wondering what is going on inside my friend because he told or tried to tell me in the past a view times that he loves me but I said, stupid and afraid of my own feelings, that I do not want to hear such nonesense from him! And that was that! He knows Iḿ perfectely alright with just sex- he does not have to tell me all the things he said the past view days! So is it maybe possible that I scared him off a bit in the past with practically forbidding him to tell me that he loves me.. and if thats the problem how can I show him that it would be alright now?

[Incognito]

Wow, I'd soooo hate to give you the wrong advice right about now..... On one hand you should let the other guy know that you feel something for him and that it is ok to have those feelings now. However, you're still married. Why haven't you left your husband if you're willing to cheat on him? I would say to simply leave him, but I don't know your situation or societal norms.

[alaniswhite]

Mhh why am I still married... well we have a son together and still live in one flat for his sake and I live in Germany where divorces are only possible if you do not live together and it is horribly expensive ,too. And since I am on very friendly terms with my " husband" I never saw the need of doing so...besides he and the other guy are friends, too! I know this sounds a bit crazy! And my husband knows about him and me and finds it perfectly alright! I know... we seem a bunch of lunatics ;-)))

[Incognito]

Ooooookkaaaaay..... Yeah, I think this is about where I have to put my hands in the air and step away. I have no advice for someone in your situation.