Some advice/opinions would be great

[elijah121]

Back again!!! Ill make this as short as possible..
Been together with this girl for year and a half, we broke up in December, and in Feb we decided to be FWB. This obviously led to feelings and what not so we decided that we are going to work together in order to build a healthier relationship. We were not together we were just trying to see if it can make it anywhere. Everything was great, we set ground rules about communication and etc. and everything was fine until yesterday. We spoke today and I asked her where we stand and she said that she is lost herself and she can't offer me anything and it's hard for her to say this because she misses me already. She said that she doesn't see "us" in her future and the spark isnt there anymore, hence she just told me she loves me and what not yesterday. I told her that i am walking away now and we can't be friends for a while and that she shouldn't of tried in the first place because i know where i want to be which is beside you and it's either you walk beside me or let it go now because i don't want to get hurt anymore. She said it's better if we go our on ways. I agreed and told her to take care of herself. It does hurt to know she isn't going to be there anymore because we were extreamly close. How can she love someone if she doesn't love herself she says? She has been telling me she wants me to find someone else so that she has no other choice but to move on, and she has been looking for reasons to break up our current status. I don't know, We decided not to talk for a while, i miss her already. It doesn't hurt as much as it did when we first broke up but the scar has opened up half way. Some advice would be wonderful on how i should carry myself, or if i should try to talk to her call her maybe? or just let it go once and for all? I know she is confused!
Thanks.

[curiousgurl29]

Personally, I would not contact her. I think it sounds like (although she was confused) she clearly said "it's better if we go our on ways". I would respect her response. It sounds like she deeply cares about you but not enough for you to make it together. You said you set "ground rules" about communication in your second go around. What were some problems that you had before? What was lacking in your relationship? From what you wrote, it looks as if you were not able to mend those problems in her eyes. I would concentrate on your own interests/ hobbies, whatever they may be. Take care of yourself for now! Get good exercise, eat well, hang out with friends. It's a painful time, but everyone has known heartbreak at one time or another. This too shall pass.

[Horseyguy]

I agree I'd let this one go

If she realy wanted to be with you she would be, fact she is saying she doesn't know for me would be the key to walk and let her work it out on her own

If she decides down the road that she does actually want to be with you then take it from there, but if she's not ready and you keep going back this cycle will just continue

I had the exact same thing with my ex, after I ended it the second time I walked away, said maybe we can catch up for a coffee in a few Months and see where we are at.

I figure by that time she will know what she wants

[elijah121]

what was lacking was just the mistrust we had with eachother, fighting for immature meaningless things, her parents wouldn't accept me because of different faiths. Yes well i tried i really really tried my best, i tried to open up more and be there for her when she needed me but it wasn't enough i guess. If she really wanted to be with me she would be that is true, yea I am walking this time for good, i have had many relationships but she is an amazing girl and i wanted to see it go to wedding bells but that was just a one way street for me.

[Horseyguy]

I hear ya, but if you gave it your best and you can walk away knowing you were good and decent to her then hold your head high and off you go.

Sometimes things change, sometimes they just don't feel it, either way if it isn't there you have to be able to walk away and just hope that one day things change.

In my case her dog dying of cancer forced her into a hole and her feelings not just for me but everything changed, she just got depressed and couldn't get out of it. She told me I was the most loving and kindest boyfriend she had ever had but she just didn't have that "in love" feeling.

I can understand that, not sure I'd be feeling any different if I was feeling that down but she couldn't see that things would get better and I couldn't help her see that in time she will feel much better about life and me so I just had to walk away.

Now she misses me and wants to catch up and see if we can try again in a few months. Who knows by that time where I will be. Right now I just can't see a future together so I'm moving on with my life and focussing on here and now not what might or might not be in the future.

And anyway it's more complicate in my case because instead of trying to fix the problem she decided to go on a dating website for the 3 months we were trying to save the relationship, that's really killed my trust in her so right now I'm happy to just leave it. Few months down the track when I have got over her and I'm not in love with her anymore, who knows. All I know is if we do get together again in the future it will be because we both want it to work and are in it because we want to be togther not need to be.

[elijah121]

Yea i understand what you are saying. When we broke up for those couple of months she slept with two guys and hence she was a virgin before dating me. I lost trust in her also but I did worst than her when we broke up. I guess you are right that i just have to keep my head up and walk away and who knows what will happen in the future, maybe she will actually realize what i meant to her? I will focus on the important things and try to get my mind of the current situation. I hope everything works out in your favor you seem like a really cool person.

[curiousgurl29]

When you broke up for only two months, she managed to sleep with TWO guys? Okay, yes, definitely walk away.

[elijah121]

yes she did, but for my wrong doings i slept with 5 women. Worst feeling ever after that, then the first day we made love again it was the best feeling for both of us. Filled with emotions and love, **** this sucks. The hardest thing to do is turn your back and walk away and having to pretend to myself i don't love her.

[Horseyguy]

The hardest thing to do is turn your back and walk away and having to pretend to myself i don't love her.

Yep, I hear you (again) but you have to for your own sanity.

I still love my ex so much, always have done but she's just not able to feel the same way about me in the space that she is in. I tried for 4 Months but was getting next to nothing back. I don't want to be stuck in a relationship with someone that doesn't feel the same way about me as I do them.

I have never in my life ended a relationship with someone I was in love with before, it hurts like hell even though I know going back would be pointless.

I try and convince myself that it didn't matter, she didn't matter, she didn't deserve me but it still hurts. Just a case of shit happens if I had stuck it out another 6 months who knows? but finding her with a live profile on a dating site just killed it for me so I had to walk away.

I'm glad I did because I did nothing wrong and gave it my best. I'm happy about that but sad it's over

[elijah121]

So what do you do now, meaning do you still talk to her? B/C i asked my ex not to call me not because i don't want to be friends but because i need some personal space to heal, she alread knows i won't contact her. I told her in a month i'll give her a ring thats about it. So what about you? Do you guys talk or did you go No contact also in order to help yourself move on and breathe?

[elijah121]

?? anything??

[reeba]

I think it is the old,' its not you, its me ' break up line.

Let her go. It hasn't worked TWICE now. Bad luck comes in threes. Third try will definitely not work.

[elijah121]

k thanks. that process has been started!!!

[hithere]

I agree with the above people. Let her go. Sometimes it takes a while for people to realize what they lost and if you feel like you gave it a real try you can walk away with your head high. You have tried twice now and it didn't work i know exactly how this is because my ex and I did the same thing. We never got around to giving it a third try but I am sure it wouldn't have worked out because of the way she is which is sort of like the girl you have described.

One thing that I did find funny is that when i first started reading this the movie "No Strings Attached" came straight to my mind because I just watched the movie a while ago.

[elijah121]

LOL thats funny because i am downloading that movie right now and also just go with it. I love those two movies watched them a while back. But yea i will let her go, its just hard to stop thinking about her mostly all the time, we have all mutual friends that we always hang with so i gotta make sure one of us is outcasted for a while. I honestly miss her so much, well i am not sure if i miss her or the comfort. I guess i need to find myself during this time and be the best i can be.