Wow I'm bad at this dating thing! Lol

[Clever username]

Hello, I'm new on here so hopefully posting this in the right spot. I'm your average 26 year old guy, have a good job, work hard, indepentant, own my own house, car, and motorcycle. Average looks, I play alot of hockey to stay in shape. I like to try new things like sky-diving, and learn new things when ever I have an chance.

All sounds great right? Except the fact that I am hopelessly, comically bad with women. I would probably get a good laugh at my failed attemps if it wasn't at my own expense. I don't meet many girls because when I interact with females where there's any type of attraction I just forget how to brain, haha. I'm told I miss out on cues, or flirting from girls quite often because I'm just oblivious to it, or attempt the flirting myself and just end up with a look from her like "is this him trying to flirt? I've never seen something so awkward in my life"

When I do end up getting to know a girl, I always mange to find a way to repel them, or at least get friend-zoned. I can't pinpoint why. I attempt to be funny, I'm not inappropriate, and not needy/clingy in anyway. They just always seem to lose interest.

A girl recently told me she had a crush on me, which impresses me that she made the first move. I thought "Ok, I can pull this off".... Nope, lol. Hung out a few times, but Just stopped talking to me after awhile, and like I said I'm not clingy, so I just left it alone. Another girl a few months ago, I really liked her, we seemed to really hit it off, tons in common, she got my sense of humor, and everything seemed to be going great. But after a month or so she just became more and more distant, so I backed off and we just stopped talking.

I could go on and on, but that's the way it always seems to go. It's just so frustrating to see this guy I know, no job, no car, 3 DUI's, overweight, and he not only gets girls on a regular basis, but they drive him around, buy him food and ciggerettes, and he just walks all over them. ( not that that is what I want, but it just baffles the mind that he does it with little to no effort)

I'm just so tired of it. I thought by the time I was this old I would have figured it out. Everyone says to just be myself, but myself doesn't cut it, being "myself" is being awkward. I know it's all in my head, but I can't seem to change it. I know there's not one magic answer, and I should just wait it out, but I feel like I'm missing out on a great part of my youth.

I know that's a lot, but I don't really have anyone to talk to about this, so if you've read this far, thank you for listening to me vent, and any advice is appreciated!

[Kromat83]

I'm your average 26 year old guy, have a good job, work hard, indepentant,
own my own house, car, and motorcycle. Average looks, I play alot of hockey
to stay in shape. I like to try new things like sky-diving, and learn
new things when ever I have an chance.

--- I miss out on cues, or flirting
--- get friend-zoned.
---- lose interest.

1. Girl with crush on me, made first move.
-- stopped talking to me, I left it alone.

2. Another girl, great chemistry, tons in common, she got my sense of humor.
But after a month or so she just became more and more distant,
so I backed off and we just stopped talking.

Frustrating to see this guy I know, no job, no car, 3 DUI's, overweight,
and he not only gets girls on a regular basis, but they drive him around,
buy him food and ciggerettes, and he just walks all over them.

( not that that is what I want, but it just baffles the mind that he does it with little to no effort)

I think that if you see that things are going alright, don't be waiting too long, or she will think that you might not like her.

You have to notice little things they do with their body language, and go with your gut feeling, it doesn't hurt, if you get it wrong, at least you'll know for next time.

If showed interest in you, then i don't see why you took things slow.
In relationships, there isn't a given rule, you might think that taking your time is the way to go, but there needs to be exceptions when things are going great and chances to be made.

A girl might lose interest, because your not doing anything fun, or have nothing interesting to say.

You can't be the same way you are at work, you have to be a fun guy, anything goes, because that is what you feel like in that moment.

Girls want you to show confidence, not worrying about what you do, because that is who you are, and not always playing it safe.

What do you usually do on a typical date ? i think we need to examine your steps and how you handle them ... it might get a little personal, but if you talk about them here, maybe we can break the pattern.

All sounds great right? Except the fact that I am hopelessly, comically bad with women.
I would probably get a good laugh at my failed attemps if it wasn't at my own expense.

That is the problem too, you care what women think of you, just like the person that you are.

I got a few compliments from my buddies, and girls about my dancing when i went to a friend's birthday at a Country line dancing club, but i was trying my best and had fun with it.

To me it didn't matter what people thought, and a few random people came up to me and grinded down on me, i wasn't expecting it, but oh well.

I know latin dancing as well, so took one of the girls of the group, and danced a Merengue, i am confident in leading, so i don't mind taking a random stranger and she had a blast, but i currently am not looking for anyone, so i didn't pursue anyone there, since i need to work on myself, but i had a lot more fun then my friends did.
I'm in a different situation, and wished i had your career and house/car setup, then i could focus on opportunities with various girls, and i know i might be able to handle it after a while, but it takes time.

You need to stop taking so long to see what they are doing, and communicate with them more often, that you want to spend time with them.

[alonebeast]

You sound exactly like me...it's not you it's women they wont give you a chance, they have VERY high standards and classify us all the same - even the good ones
my advice forget it, live alone, and count down the time till you die.
there is no point in trying to find someone its not what you say, or do its what the want and you or I cant give it

[alonebeast]

what they want**

[Kromat83]

You sound exactly like me...it's not you it's women they wont give you a chance, they have VERY high standards and classify us all the same - even the good ones
my advice forget it, live alone, and count down the time till you die.
there is no point in trying to find someone its not what you say, or do its what the want and you or I cant give it

He can't just give up, just like that.

I would i could potentially find someone, but i'm currently
not ready, with where i am in life to bother them.

It's all about the attitude that you have, women like it when a guy does what
he likes, and doesn't care if it might look stupid, but he is enjoying himself.

We as guys, tend to analyze what others of our gender do, and it might
look foolish to us, but there are certain women that enjoy that.

I think women also like it when your not obvious, and they are trying to figure you out, and your the one taking charge, and not phased by their BS.

During the dating phase, you need to still keep seeing them, but not obsessively, where your world revolves around them, as we'll all learned this the hard way, and sacrifices need to be made.

Enough communication needs to be had, but not where that is all that you are thinking about, as we all need our space.

When you two finally decide to move in together, that time apart, would be worth it.

I suggest you keep trying, everything we do takes practice, as you weren't really that good in your work environment, until a couple weeks or months, it's all about your mentality to certain situations, and if you are thinking negatively at the outcomes, without just going with your gut feeling, your bound to fail.

[alonebeast]

He can't just give up, just like that.

I would i could potentially find someone, but i'm currently
not ready, with where i am in life to bother them.

It's all about the attitude that you have, women like it when a guy does what
he likes, and doesn't care if it might look stupid, but he is enjoying himself.

We as guys, tend to analyze what others of our gender do, and it might
look foolish to us, but there are certain women that enjoy that.

I think women also like it when your not obvious, and they are trying to figure you out, and your the one taking charge, and not phased by their BS.

During the dating phase, you need to still keep seeing them, but not obsessively, where your world revolves around them, as we'll all learned this the hard way, and sacrifices need to be made.

Enough communication needs to be had, but not where that is all that you are thinking about, as we all need our space.

When you two finally decide to move in together, that time apart, would be worth it.

I suggest you keep trying, everything we do takes practice, as you weren't really that good in your work environment, until a couple weeks or months, it's all about your mentality to certain situations, and if you are thinking negatively at the outcomes, without just going with your gut feeling, your bound to fail.

and he has tried already and it isn't working...just because you feel failure is an option - he doesn't he doesn't wanna keep getting knocked down because he wants to be himself and women nowadays don't give a **** about individuals they want a clone with cash and a body like michalengos david. So don't giving him deluded messages sorry it feels that way, I am not being negative but realistic.

[Clever username]

-Kromat83 I haven't been on a legitimate date in a long time. The last couple girls I've talked to just wanted to "hang out" even though I offered to take them out. But my idea for a date would involve something with food, for instance there's a place down town with great pizza, casual environment, and with in walking distance of some cool sites ( to go on a walk or something) or maybe a hockey or something, if the girl is in to that... Unfortunately I don't seem to get to this point very often! Haha.
And as far as not caring what people think of me I can do that well, only problem is when I don't care, I'm usually not talking to people I don't know. I have to force myself to be outgoing, and it just doesn't come off smooth... Just awkward.

[UnderTheMoon]

This is depressing lol. Kind of funny though I enjoy cynical. I think I will take this advice.

You sound exactly like me...it's not you it's women they wont give you a chance, they have VERY high standards and classify us all the same - even the good ones
my advice forget it, live alone, and count down the time till you die.
there is no point in trying to find someone its not what you say, or do its what the want and you or I cant give it

[UnderTheMoon]

Just come to where I am, I would love to laugh until I cried, be treated kindly with a great pizza place and sight seeing walk, and don't worry, you wouldn't need any cues from me, I would be straight forward because I don't get cues from guys and I don't think a lot of guys get my cues, or it could be I don't know what the hell I am doing! Haha.

Seriously though, sounds like a girl was interested and wanted you to give a little chase, and there is nothing wrong with that, it kind of brings out that inner child in my case, I get all giggly and excited and just ah! It can make a lady happy! I always loved it when a guy I liked called me just to see how I was and I sure returned the favor and that's how you move something forward you know? You seem like a great guy who just is too relaxed to play the "chase me" game and I understand that. If you meet a girl, you tell her straight forward after you get to know her. God knows I have had inuendos for my number and it went over my head and out the front door and 5 minutes later I look at someone and go "did he just ask for my number in an indirect manner? Did he just directly/indirectly suggest we go on a date?" I always get mad and huffy about it because it's a missed opportunity but then again, I might have missed it for a reason. Look, I am rambling because I have been you but female side of the deal. I've given too many cues without realizing it, and because I was too worried about someone I liked thinking I was obsessive, I didn't call enough or talk to them enough, and then they went off with someone else. As a woman, I like a successful man with a strong sense of self because I am that way. I have had those strange moments where I get all bent out of shape like a wire and ponder too long on what to say or do and the chance passes me by. Communicate more, if you really like a woman let her know, weird or not, awkward whatever, a good woman will appreciate that you let her know and she won't wander off thinking you were never really that interested. : ) I hope that helps from a woman's view. I have liked a guy that was like that many a time, and even if it didn't work out for me, I was still glad even if he didn't make that initial move, that I did. "When are we going on a date?" : ) I have my brave moments despite being as shy as I am in real life.

[UnderTheMoon]

Oh btw beastly beast, not all women are that way. : ) I am not that way. I understand why you say that though, I have seen them in action and all I can do is feel a little bad about it because those poor guys never had a chance in hell which is wrong. :/ Start the count down now yes? Can't say I am good or bad, I just have standards and expectations of people and if I can put the effort in, they can too or it's not worth it. Food for thought.

[alonebeast]

beastly beast...very funny, alone beast is the name, sure your like that sure your wonderful im sure you are *Rolls eyes* don't listen to any of this advice from these people take my advice and give up stop making yourself more depressed its not worth it. just forget it, women don't give a damn, THEY PICK YOU NOT YOU CHOOSE EACHOTHER.

IS THAT LOVE? no

[meloveulongtime]

I'm not that way...

[alonebeast]

ok I guess just England has that problem then and all of the united states of America is ok.

online its very easy to say "im not that way" but the truth of the matter is I haven't come across any friendly women its like now the world has become hostile, selfish, cruel uninterested.

[meloveulongtime]

Good people are hard to come across. Welcome to life

[dem862]

I think your fat friend gets women because he doesn't mind using them. On the other hand, you don't want to use women, so you don't.