What is he playing at??? And why???

[Confusedla]

Here's a complicated one for you. 10 years ago I was with a guy for a year, anyway, he stopped all contact with me and I later found out he was 'seeing' a number of other women.*
Fast forward to 4 months ago, he got in touch via my old email address saying how bad he felt that he'd hurt me and he wanted to stay in touch as friends. I agreed and soon we were speaking every day. I am now married, but with lots of problems with my marriage, which I know will end in divorce. I knew deep down that I couldn't trust this man when he got back in touch, but we agreed to meet for dinner as friends. We had a wonderful time, we share so many things in common. The next day he emailed me telling me he still loved me and wanted to be with me, I felt the same, I fell in love with him all over again.*
We had a few more dates, one of which resulted in sex in his car. Then the emails and contact became daily, to the point where we were talking on the phone for hours at a time.*
Something always seemed strange about the situation though, he could only ever see me at the very last minute (nothing ever arranged in advance). He also would never speak to me on the phone in the evening or during the weekend, I questioned him about this, believing he must be living with a girlfriend or wife. He denied it and just kept reiterating how he promised me he would always be honest with me after what happened before, he just said he found it difficult to speak to me because he missed me so much??
We finally arranged a weekend away in Paris, which was blissful. We both said that we couldn't be apart after a perfect weekend together and started making plans to be together.*
I was eager to arrange another break away and he stated this time it would have to be during the week and he would arrange time off work. So we agreed a date. As it got closer to the date I asked if he'd arranged for somewhere to stay or did he want me to do it. He just said to wait as he had not had the holiday approved and once it was he would book a hotel, every time I asked he said he would chase it. I got so tired of asking in the end I just gave up and didn't mention it again and I was very upset, but did not tell him. Since then we've had 2 other meetings arranged which he has cancelled at the last minute due to something out of his control coming up.*
I know there is something not right here, but he calls me and emails me several times a day telling me how much he loves me and how excited he is about our future. What ate his motives? I've given him plenty of opportunities to get out of this, he knows he can finish it and walk away, but he choses not to. What's going on in his head?
I'm not proud of cheating on my husband and I have been separated from him for a year.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You just sound like an idiot, really. Everything is right in front of your face, and I think you already know what's going on.

[Confusedla]

Yeah I know I've been stupid. I just wanted someone else's perspective on it. He tells me several times a day that he loves me and he's only ever honest with me from now on, I just don't understand his reasoning for what he's doing

[BackUpOrGetStng]

The reasoning is he's ****ing other people. You've been stupid this far, why not just stop asking questions and enjoy your time together?

[VincenzoG91]

Sounds like he's married.

[anonymous_a]

He's either married or cheating. Usually I'm not one to say "once a cheater, always a cheater" but in many cases, it is true. Last minute plans means he can't make plans ahead of time, because if his wife/gf wants to do something, he will have to cancel on you. Leave him, and move on.

[Starnique]

Is this a joke? First of all, try getting out of the marriage that you're in before trying to get involved with the cheater that you're about to be with, if he even be with you which doesn't sound promising to me. He played you then and he playing with you now. If you don't want to be with your husband then leave but move on from this guy. You leaving one problem to take on another one. How about focusing on yourself? Some women can be so silly sometimes about shit like this. Snap back into reality.

[namemyname]

Short of you finding pics of his wife and marriage license, not sure what part of him being married isn't obvious?

[michelle23]

Im not even gonna respond to the QS. I still find it shocking that i a 23year old have far more sense than someone twice my age.. SMH here at some of you people

[Confusedla]

Im not even gonna respond to the QS. I still find it shocking that i a 23year old have far more sense than someone twice my age.. SMH here at some of you people

I'm not twice your age, I'm pretty sure I know what he's playing at but I just wanted other people's perspective on it. It's hard to see the wood for the trees when you're in the middle of the situation and you have a man texting you 100 times a day telling you how in love with you he is and if you leave him, he would kill himself

[michelle23]

I'm not twice your age, I'm pretty sure I know what he's playing at but I just wanted other people's perspective on it. It's hard to see the wood for the trees when you're in the middle of the situation and you have a man texting you 100 times a day telling you how in love with you he is and if you leave him, he would kill himself

You have just gotten out of a long term relationship. The sensible thing to do is be alone for awhile. Heal from the loss of your marriage. Find yourself again and learn to be happy on your own and when you are ready to meet a new man, you will know it. Right now you are vulnerable, lonely, possibly insecure and you will just attract the worst kind of people until you are strong, independent and confident again. If you want to meet one of the best men out there, then you gotta be the best you can be too. You are only pining for this ex coz you are lonely and any attention right now is better than no attention but he is toxic and poison. People like him never change so cut him off and focus on you

[Confusedla]

You have just gotten out of a long term relationship. The sensible thing to do is be alone for awhile. Heal from the loss of your marriage. Find yourself again and learn to be happy on your own and when you are ready to meet a new man, you will know it. Right now you are vulnerable, lonely, possibly insecure and you will just attract the worst kind of people until you are strong, independent and confident again. If you want to meet one of the best men out there, then you gotta be the best you can be too. You are only pining for this ex coz you are lonely and any attention right now is better than no attention but he is toxic and poison. People like him never change so cut him off and focus on you

Thank you, I know you're right. That makes total sense to me

[TablesandChairs]

OP, words are cheap. He can tell you he loves you, he can write you 100 lovely emails...but if his actions speak otherwise, which they do...then listen to your instincts. Actually, you don't even have to rely on instinct alone, he's giving you obvious signs that something is not right (very typical cheating on someone signs)...and no matter how many times he uses the word 'honest', it doesn't mean he is.

He's not an honest guy - he wasn't 10 years ago and he probably isn't now. Do not invest your heart in this any further because you will get hurt. I understand you've gone through separation and you're eager to 'connect' on an emotional level with another...but your eagerness shouldn't outweigh your logic because you'll be the one left hurting.

I would let him know that you're not naive - perhaps ask to go over to his home? If his reaction is 'weird', then I think you'll have answered your question but if you need more than that, just sit and observe further.

[Confusedla]

Thank you, it's so good to get other people's perspective it makes everything clear to me now. It's all words from him and actions speak louder than BS words

[Confusedla]

Update: I've broken it off with him, deleted his number and told him never to contact me again